[ti]question[/ti]Gender pronouns question.

[QuinnSmith]

Hello all!
As a bisexual generally male (98% of the time) person, I have been content with people using the masculine pronoun 'he' for me, since I was born.

However, I know that those who choose to be a non-binary gender generally ask for people to use the 'them/they' pronoun, however I have a small question about that, to the population that i would assume would have a truthful answer...

What is the singular pronoun in this case?

I think one of the main reasons as to why binary gendered people find the pronouns so difficult is due to habitual ways of speaking (I have experienced this, a friend of mine recently had a gender change, he went from Alysha to Liam, and I struggled for the first few weeks to get the right name and pronoun, because in my mind 'he' was still a 'she', because he had been for years beforehand), so when someone close to them decides to change their gender perhaps even on a hourly basis, it can be difficult to keep up.

Also, I think that the 'them/they' (hows that for alliteration?) pronouns seem impersonal, as they generally are used for multiple people, whereas 'he' and 'she' are much more personal and specific, so in a way I think people who accidentally refer to non-binary people as 'he' or 'she' are subconsiously trying to be polite, trying to be specific about who they are referring to.

However - it is obviously not an excuse for purposefully abstaining from trying to learn the correct pronouns.

BUT - Wouldn't it be easier to have a singular personal pronoun for those who are not part of the binary gender system? If one already exists, then please by all means tell me, however I haven't come across one to date.

The title system has already taken steps to non-binary genders, introducing the Mx or Mix title, so why is there no equivalent in the pronoun system?

Just a question from an uneducated person.

[EchelonHunt]

Logically speaking, it would be easier to have a singular pronoun for non-binary folks, however, there is no available language for it (English language is very binary) other than the increasingly popular 'they/them' or non-traditional pronouns such as  'ze/hir'

Ze/hir are the commonly known gender neutral pronouns that is meant to replace he/she/they.

However, 'they/them' has been increasing in popularity because it is already used in everyday language. Also, keep in mind that there are non-binary folks who don't mind the conventional 'she/her' or 'he/his' pronouns.

It is likely not going to be possible for ALL non-binary folks to agree on one singular pronoun usage as everyone is different and has their own pronoun preferences. I believe 'they/them' is more likely to be accepted by society as a third-gender pronoun than 'ze/hir'.

People think they are being polite by referring non-binary people as 'he' or 'she' but if it is not their preferred pronouns, this is called misgendering and it can be a source of discomfort. Always ask for people's pronouns if you're not sure, try not to assume someone's gender based on their appearance. If you're not sure and you don't want to ask or are in no position to ask, 'they/them' is always good to use.

Some prefer no pronouns at all and just want to be referred to by their name only.

Whether they/them pronouns are grammatically correct or not is a matter of opinion - hope this helps!

Is it grammatically correct?

Despite objections, there is a trend to use ‘singular they’. In fact, it is historically long established. It goes back at least to the 16th century, and writers such as Shakespeare, Sidney, Byron, and Ruskin used it:

There's not a man I meet but doth salute me

As if I were their well-acquainted friend (Shakespeare’s The Comedy of Errors)

Whether it is grammatically correct is is a matter of opinion. Two things are matters of fact, however: many people use it, and many others dislike it intensely. If you are writing something, it is therefore advisable to consider who might read it, and what their views might be.

Source: Using 'they' and 'them' in the singular | Oxford Dictionaries

[Luyas]

its so hard to find pronouns and for me people still use them which makes me upset but i have to know that they are trying and care and love me

[Spencer]

I generally get called three different pronouns by different people depending on the situation, but the pronouns I've been consistently comfortable with are they/them. When I told my cis friend about they/them pronouns, she also said it seemed impersonal. But I just think it seems that way if they're not your preferred pronouns. I get this feeling of relief and warmth when someone casually refers to me as a "they". Personally it makes me feel like my nonbinary identity has been recognized and accepted. When people call me "he" (especially if they're cis or binary trans) it's like... okay I guess, but I have to wonder if they just see me as a trans boy. When people call me "she" I feel a little invisible.

I know you just had a question about using singular they, I just thought I'd add my perspective on using those pronouns for myself :-P

[Luyas]

you know people say them but it dosnt work in every sentence when the sentence is personal. i just don't know how that should work in everysentance

thank you though :]

[Ativan Prescribed]

I have had only one time where someone questioned the use of they/them/their in my conversations.
They simply asked if I was talking about two people and when I asked why, they said I used 'they' instead of...
I told them it's not uncommon and it fits, and rattled off in rapid succession several versions of each.
They accepted it with an 'oh, you're right' kinda comeback and said it doesn't sound wrong.
They were just confused about who I was talking about.
So there it is, and not to be confused with they're or their, which is more confusing in written form when they are used wrong...

[Taka]

actually, the english language already uses singular you, so there really shouldn't be too much trouble making singular they more commonly accepted simply by using it.

the original row of pronouns went

i
thou
he/she/it

we
you
they

so why can't we just change it once more so we get

i
you
they (it)

we
you
they

we're already halfway there, by not being able to distinguish how many a person is talking to.

you...
do they mean me or us?

[Ativan Prescribed]

When referring to a person and you don't know their gender or name, it's common to say they.

"I heard about a person who did something really stupid and they don't even know it, they misgendered a bunch of people, a bunch of times.
I don't know what they were thinking, but it's wrong just the same.
They can't keep doing that."

It states that it is A person, singular and still uses they effectively.
'They' just shouldn't be a problem, unless you're one of those people who think it is a slam at them, when it's not.
I don't see a problem, what else would you use if you didn't know anything about a person?
The whole thing about 'they' not being singular is a product of the narrow minds of transphobic people.
It has nothing to do with trans or cis, it's used that way all the time.

*"Look at them!
What are they doing crossing the street that way?
That person could get run over."

The entire argument that 'they' isn't singular is really a little bit ridiculous.