Abused gender - are negative hits cumulative?

[Trinity]

So I was bullied, trained that I was despicable, shameful...

SHAMEFUL....

An embarrassment.

And then we have the negative reinforcements hitting in media. And in the church.

Betrayal upon betrayal.

Balanced out by positive experiences living out my truth in real life.

My question to you all is

Are the negative hits cumulative?  Do they keep adding up until finally something snaps?

How do you deal with that?

How do we survive the mental abuse heaped on us because we are transgender, or live in a binary world that can't even come close to understanding who we are?

And what are the results?

I can get into very addictive behavior as a result for me. I can go into some very dark places if I let myself . I can descend into rage, self hate, sex, yeah I can go bad.

I know others who get out the stiletto and use pain to get out of it.

God forbid they ever cut too deeply. God forbid we ever lose one forum member to the hate that is formed as a weapon against us, finding its mark. Getting us to suicide out is the most deceptive form of murder....

Anyway, I think it is cumulative, and then the question becomes, what do we do to heal from it, mitigate it, survive it.

Your thread my dears, let it rip

[Ativan Prescribed]

It's only cumulative if you let be.
So long as you keep holding onto the past, the more weight it becomes that you have to carry with you.
You can recognize that things happened in the past, but you can't change them.
You can't go on dwelling on each thing in the succession that they happened.
You can't keep them in a box in your mind and pull them out only to try and re-experience them as they were.
They change in your memories, you can let them become worse, or you can let them go, learn from the mistakes and move on.
It's coming to terms with the past, learn to let the hurt from it go, it can't hurt you anymore unless you let it.
See it for what it was, and stop dwelling on it as if that will change it, it won't, move forward.
If I let everything pile up inside like that, it would become an insurmountable pile of crap that I could never move past.
You see your life as it is coming at you, if you keep looking in the rearview mirror wondering what is gaining on you...
Know at those times that you need to, that you have been through this before and you are going to do it better this time.
That's the only thing you should be getting out of negative memories, use them to make your travels forward easier, don't keep making the same mistake.
I refuse to let the past become a part of my future, I leave it back there where it is, in the past.
I'm to busy looking at what's coming at me to be wasting time letting the past dictate my future.
Learn from the past to make going into the future a better life, don't let the past stop you from that.

[Leena]

No one is liked by everyone, lots of cis-gender people have plenty of detractors as well. It may be easier for them to hide and just be a typical person of their gender and other peer groups, really though people that are successful and get the things out of life they want do not do this, they just ignore their detractors.

Why focus on the negative?

Can the positive be cumulative also? I prefer to focus on that.

[Avery]

I think they are, negative things have certainly built up for me. It is nearly impossible for me to leave the past in the past, the past hurts and I can't let that go.

But I think positive things are cumulative too. It's weird because it's not zero sum, the positive doesn't cancel out the negative and the negative doesn't cancel out the positive. Yeah, I was bullied, neglected, depressed, suicidal. But I also found happiness in nature, made true friends, fell in love. Both piles seem to accumulate.

I've stopped trying to bury the negative. It seems a waste of my energy, and it's not once made me feel any better. So I dont bury it. And when negative things happen I let myself feel them. But mostly, I focus my energy on building that accumulation of positivity. It doesn't cancel out the negative but to me, it's far more worthy of my time and energy.

A.

[Deleted]

I don't know how many times I have been called a sissy. Then it was a queer or faggot. Then Shemale, Tranny, He She and so on. I really could give a F*** less because the people that call me these names have their own shortcomings. Some are really ugly, some are really fat, some are really undeducated, some are so stupid that they couldn't find their own asses with both hands and a flashlight, some don't know how to think for themselves and so on.

You just should let it roll off your back like water does on a ducks' back. It isn't easy embracing and being who you are. I have seen the same negative hits in the LGBT community about Cis and straight people. I have seen women slut shamed just for getting drunk one night and sleeping with some prick. I have seen guys shamed by sleeping with a certain woman and made fun of.

The truth of it is, there will always be haters out there that have to make themselves feel better about their own shortcomings in humanity. It is ugly but the truth. We even do it.