Educating your therapist

[Viridian]

Has anyone else struggled to educate their therapist?

Mine is not a gender specialist but an analyst who just doesn't get it. I've decided to finish with her. Her misunderstanding leaves me feeling so vulnerable and exposed.

Has this happened to anyone else and what did you do?

[Trinity]

Jan 16, 2017 4:00:33 GMT 8 Viridian said:

Has anyone else struggled to educate their therapist?

Mine is not a gender specialist but an analyst who just doesn't get it. I've decided to finish with her. Her misunderstanding leaves me feeling so vulnerable and exposed.

Has this happened to anyone else and what did you do?

Yes.

Got a better therapist.  Specializing in gender.

[EchelonHunt]

Been there, done that.

It's not worth the mental anguish. I've been to therapists and psychiatrists who were misinformed on gender dysphoria or non-binary folks. When I tried to inform them, they would shut me down immediately. I suppose they don't like to be educated by their patients, it insults them, hurts their pride/ego, exposes their ignorance, whatever.

One were under the misconception that gender dysphoria was a sexual identity problem, in that a person simply has to rewire their sexuality from the "delusion" of being the sex opposite their assigned sex to their "rightful" sexuality as their sex assigned at birth. I know it's confusing...

Basically, I am AFAB, I was connected to the idea of having a penis and enjoying videos of bird-eye view of blowjobs because it looked like my penis. This is "not normal" and the therapist asked me, "Shouldn't you be seeing yourself in the female role?" Clearly, he thought I was a delusional silly girl who simply needed to "snap out of it".

One wanted to treat the depression rather than the dysphoria, even though the depression stemmed from the dysphoria. It's like putting a bandaid over an infected wound, hoping the bandaid magically heals the infection. No, they were treating the symptom rather than treating the cause and administering IV antibiotics.

I eventually found a psychiatrist who listened to me and had something like 20-40+ years experience with transpeople. He was the only one in my city at the time who wrote HRT or surgery letters.

I had to go find somebody else to talk about non-binary stuff as he believed in the binary system and subjected transpeople to fit along that binary line. (e.g. you must be masculine, male gender identity and desire a male body, you must be feminine, female gender identity and desire a female body.)

I was discovering I'm feminine, genderless identity but still desired a male body. When I came out to my gender psychiatrist, he could not compute this, his brain short-circuited. He couldn't understand being non-binary in gender identity, yet still wanting phalloplasty. He said it'd be "pointless", this hurt and angered me a lot.

So I found a non-binary therapist. She has been my saviour, she helped me so much more in 2 years I've been seeing her than the 8-9 years I've been seeing the gender psychiatrist. Kinda sad really.

I see the non-binary therapist every month and only see the gender psychiatrist to update him on my progress or need his support for transition-related stuff, I do intend to see him this year to get his support in getting my gender marker changed to M.

One good thing that has happened, I and many other non-binary folks in my local area have entered a survey about improving mental professional help for non-binary people. My non-binary therapist and gender psychiatrist went to the meeting where the person involved spoke about the results and offered ways to help NB folks. My non-binary therapist said my gender psychiatrist was listening intently and taking it in.

I was so relieved. It made me feel so much better but I wouldn't come out as non-binary to him again unless he asks about it next time I see him.

Keep looking, you will find the right one and you'll just know.

[Trinity]

I'm waiting for my emotions to calm down before going into details on this thread.

I was in the church and they tried to fix me, there are too many emotions connected with this

My first therapist didn't get nonbinary and really had me wrong.... but was able to slow my transition in a way that saved the marriage, as well as the forum helping me slow it down and find the nonbinary part of me. I walk very far to the sh'e side of life as a nonbinary trans person. I still have a hard time saying I am a nonbinary trans woman, I don't feel that way, even though I look that way.   I feel like an androgyne and look like an mtf transwoman, and thats my real.  But since my core is other than male or female, its so easy for me to fly the spectrum of the gender Matrix.

My current therapist, and we just closed out the sessions with me not needing therapy any more, he was ftm trans and fully understands nonbinary. Huge asset for me.

But thats NYC. And I paid cash for it, could never get health insturance for mental health related to gender dysphoria.

We have such a battle on our hands. Especially now in the states, where hate has been enthroned in power.

[Viridian]

Thank you both, Trinity and Echelon, for sharing your own painful experiences. I'm so glad you both found someone who got it eventually. But all that wasted time and effort and distress! How dare people try and fix us? What makes them think they know more about us than we do? Really, all they need to do is listen, respect, accept, believe, use some empathy and imagination, learn from us.

I've been too upset for a few days to post anything. I finished with my therapist in a painful way. I tried to explain to her that I felt she didn't get it and I felt too vulnerable to disclose anything more and thought I needed to work with someone with personal experience. She argued that she didn't need personal experience to work with a patient but she just closed down discussion of why and how I didn't feel met by her. I realised I wasn't going to get anywhere and ended up saying goodbye and thanking her! Just needed to bring it to a close. But she was so impersonal and dismissive, I felt wiped out, dispensed with, like it was easier to see me go than try to address this issue.

Fortunately I've been in touch with an lgbt+ organisation and got onto their trans support programme. About a third of people they support identify as non binary! So I'm moving on!