Post by Jennifer (Tink) on Dec 12, 2016 19:54:21 GMT 8
I don't even know where to start with this one.
My wife is an abuser and she doesn't even recognize it.
There are countless stories but I will tell the one that happened this morning.
Last night, after my daughters performance we drove home in separate cars. She was down there all day helping out and I went to the evening show.
After the show it was snowy and icy, just like the reception I got from her when I met her there.
Now, I was worried about them getting home safely so I asked what was the best way to go so we didn't have to go down the huge hill that already had three accidents, she has driven that way a few times so knows the roads slightly better than I do.
Well, I got a make left here, right there type of answer. Not argumentative but very, you are bothering me type of answer.
When we get home her low pressure light is on in her car. I said it's probably because of the cold, let's see in the morning. It was freezing cold and I didn't want to go back out in the weather.
This morning comes. she asked "What are we going to do about my car?"
I said, "I will check it when I go out to take care of the snow and ice.
I said, "You could also take my car but you will have to take", my daughter, "to school".
She said, "Never mind I can't be late to work. I will just take a change of clothes and figure it out myself"
I told her then just take my car, I will take her to school in yours and look at it after.
Her answer "Nope, I got it".
I told her, "Then let me take it down right now and see what's up"
Her answer, shrugged her shoulders
So I take it down, in the freezing rain and find out they are .5 lbs off. Inflate the tires, and the light goes off.
I get back soaking wet, I shovel the steps and throw down some salt.
I come in and tell her what was wrong and her answer was ".5 lbs??" I said yeah the sensor is touchy.
I pass her to go change and not one word.
No thanks, no I appreciate it no nothing.
So I step back to the kitchen and push just I tiny bit further. "Do you need to get in here?"
I said, no just a thank you for going out in this nasty weather for you.
Her answer "I already said thank you"
Now, I know I can have difficulty hearing, but that's something I know I would have heard.
I said, "Then you said it under your breath or in your head because I didn't hear it"
I went back into my office and shut the door.
This is the type of scenario that plays out constantly. Now I know I have missed things in the past but I am more right than I am wrong.
She's super pissed at me right now and the situation has probably gotten worse.
It's a time bomb waiting to go off.
If I missed it I will tell her sorry, but it won't mean much.
If I didn't then it's the usual pattern.
The problem is I will never know for sure.
This may seem like a small thing, but this is how our relationship has been for 15+ years. And it's only gotten worse since I came out because she says so little to me. Because of that fact, I think I listen more closely when she speaks because I get so few words.
Ugh....
Sorry for being so negative all the time.
It's just my life atm.
:hugs:
-- Jenn
My wife is an abuser and she doesn't even recognize it.
There are countless stories but I will tell the one that happened this morning.
Last night, after my daughters performance we drove home in separate cars. She was down there all day helping out and I went to the evening show.
After the show it was snowy and icy, just like the reception I got from her when I met her there.
Now, I was worried about them getting home safely so I asked what was the best way to go so we didn't have to go down the huge hill that already had three accidents, she has driven that way a few times so knows the roads slightly better than I do.
Well, I got a make left here, right there type of answer. Not argumentative but very, you are bothering me type of answer.
When we get home her low pressure light is on in her car. I said it's probably because of the cold, let's see in the morning. It was freezing cold and I didn't want to go back out in the weather.
This morning comes. she asked "What are we going to do about my car?"
I said, "I will check it when I go out to take care of the snow and ice.
I said, "You could also take my car but you will have to take", my daughter, "to school".
She said, "Never mind I can't be late to work. I will just take a change of clothes and figure it out myself"
I told her then just take my car, I will take her to school in yours and look at it after.
Her answer "Nope, I got it".
I told her, "Then let me take it down right now and see what's up"
Her answer, shrugged her shoulders
So I take it down, in the freezing rain and find out they are .5 lbs off. Inflate the tires, and the light goes off.
I get back soaking wet, I shovel the steps and throw down some salt.
I come in and tell her what was wrong and her answer was ".5 lbs??" I said yeah the sensor is touchy.
I pass her to go change and not one word.
No thanks, no I appreciate it no nothing.
So I step back to the kitchen and push just I tiny bit further. "Do you need to get in here?"
I said, no just a thank you for going out in this nasty weather for you.
Her answer "I already said thank you"
Now, I know I can have difficulty hearing, but that's something I know I would have heard.
I said, "Then you said it under your breath or in your head because I didn't hear it"
I went back into my office and shut the door.
This is the type of scenario that plays out constantly. Now I know I have missed things in the past but I am more right than I am wrong.
She's super pissed at me right now and the situation has probably gotten worse.
It's a time bomb waiting to go off.
If I missed it I will tell her sorry, but it won't mean much.
If I didn't then it's the usual pattern.
The problem is I will never know for sure.
This may seem like a small thing, but this is how our relationship has been for 15+ years. And it's only gotten worse since I came out because she says so little to me. Because of that fact, I think I listen more closely when she speaks because I get so few words.
Ugh....
Sorry for being so negative all the time.
It's just my life atm.
:hugs:
-- Jenn
