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Post by Ativan Prescribed on Dec 4, 2016 5:20:10 GMT 8
My small talk to "how are you" is "I'm still alive. Still here!" It throws people off, and in that I'm not surprised. People don't know just what that means to me. I've said that myself, lots of times. I know most everyone doesn't really get it, so it is like a little message to myself as well.
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Trinity
DES Trans
14,583
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
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trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on Dec 4, 2016 5:33:43 GMT 8
"The secret of life is outlasting the bullshit" was said to me by a now diseased person we called S*** the Hat.
He crawled out of a cardboard box on the bowery and got sober, had wet brain.
All his stuff, if i remember right, was in a shopping cart.
Stan knew how to stay sober. Stan saved my life when i was 25, when i had the shakes, when i could not safely leave the aa meeting.
He had guts, saved many lives, had it rough.
There are those good moments. Its worth fighting it out to get there.
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guest@proboards.com
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May 18, 2024 23:41:05 GMT 8
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January 1970
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Post by Deleted on Dec 4, 2016 10:36:35 GMT 8
If someone isn't willing to fight for what is obviously a very good thing, despite the shortcomings, then that person can't ever know what happiness is. You're supposed to help each other get through each other's difficulties, not give up on them so quickly. The greatest marriages would have been failed relationships in less than a year if either person had just given up. I just don't get how someone can do that when everything else between each other is beautiful. The good outweighs the bad, and the bad you work together on improving and overcoming.
I am always willing to do whatever I can for someone even if it hurts in the process. Self-improvement is a task. It takes time and effort, love and support. Gracie helped me realise my mistakes, to really look at myself, and to want to do something about it to be a better person. So, I may have lost her, but I will be forever grateful for this gift she's given me.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 4, 2016 13:19:51 GMT 8
Gracie sent me a Queen Adreena song out of nowhere, and then disappeared. I can't listen to it right now, so I looked up the lyrics, and they are very suggestive that she is done with me. I think it's rather cowardly to break up with someone that way, but nonetheless, I sent her this last message:
"I looked up the words. If that's supposed to suggest that this is over, then I accept that. And I want to thank you for helping me look at myself and realising what I need to change in myself. No one has done that for me before, and I am grateful... and eternally grateful for having known you, and connected with you so beautifully for as long as it lasted. Find happiness somewhere, somehow, because you deserve it.
'Every true love and friendship is a story of unexpected transformation. If we are the same person before and after we loved, that means we haven’t loved enough.' — Elif Shafak
Take care, girl. Keep fighting."
Responding with some angry or desperate plea would have only reinforced her painful state of mind, and I don't do that... not anymore.
What we had — despite being long-distance — was amazing, and I think she's throwing away a very good thing; but I'm not about to try to convince her of that. She gave up, and I didn't.
I wanted us to overcome this, because I believe in fighting for love when the good outweighs the bad considerably; when the problems aren’t at all incapable of being remedied. But such is life. Such is the lesson therein.
I wish her only happiness.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 4, 2016 14:37:38 GMT 8
I hope that a response like that will give her pause to think upon this whole situation so that maybe, in the future, she will approach a relationship differently... that I parted with her in kindness rather than anger or desperation... and to remember how she gave up on a very good thing. Whether she deserves it or not, I only want her to be happy. I want our experience to give her the maturity and wisdom to not let go of someone else. Love is a two-person job. Both people have to put in the effort, and have equal patience and resilience to get through anything. If it's only one-sided then there's no point at all.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 4, 2016 15:20:01 GMT 8
I wish I didn't have to be alone right now. I feel like I'm always have to go through everything alone. I need human contact and affection, not just moral support. I haven't been hugged, truly hugged, in a very long time. I really need that right now. I need to cry on someone's shoulder, and feel like I am loved, not just told that I am.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 4, 2016 15:48:28 GMT 8
It's hard thinking back on all the moments that were special to us, and then thinking how none of it matters anymore. In those moments you feel like you want to explore heaven and hell together, and be the best you can be for each other no matter what happens...
...and then something cracks, and that connection you cherished suddenly snaps in two, and you realise just how laborious the healing will be, and you lose hope for being too afraid of trying.
Except I have never felt love to be a labor unworthy of doing, because love assists itself in the process. You can give up on it all you want, but it will never give up on itself.
The failure isn't in love, but in not trusting it to work, and in not wanting to take the risk.
Always take the risk. Always.
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Leena
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December 2014
veronicalynn
She/Her
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Post by Leena on Dec 4, 2016 17:22:23 GMT 8
I hate offering advice on relationships, but absence really does sometimes make hearts grow fonder...
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Post by Deleted on Dec 4, 2016 19:29:12 GMT 8
I think the way I'm going to get through this is by seeing what we had as just a relationship simulation with an A.I. (like in the movie Her with Joaquin Phoenix) rather than anything that was real and meaningful. It may have felt real, but that's because the brain doesn't know the difference if the stimuli are similar, and will release the chemicals appropriate to the experience.
So, she was just a disembodied intelligence programmed to simulate realistic human emotion, humour, and preference. Then one day I presented a string of data to her that disrupted her programmed narrative that caused false interpretations and translation errors until she finally shut down, rebooted, and returned to a set of corrupted, unrepairable files. I mean, she said it herself that she needed to "reboot".
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Annys
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Nov 26, 2014 8:33:00 GMT 8
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mina
Whole
Any
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Post by Annys on Dec 4, 2016 21:15:09 GMT 8
I think the way I'm going to get through this is by seeing what we had as just a relationship simulation with an A.I. (like in the movie Her with Joaquin Phoenix) rather than anything that was real and meaningful. It may have felt real, but that's because the brain doesn't know the difference if the stimuli are similar, and will release the chemicals appropriate to the experience.
So, she was just a disembodied intelligence programmed to simulate realistic human emotion, humour, and preference. Then one day I presented a string of data to her that disrupted her programmed narrative that caused false interpretations and translation errors until she finally shut down, rebooted, and returned to a set of corrupted, unrepairable files. I mean, she said it herself that she needed to "reboot". Dissociation. You're already rationalizing it away. Trust the first instinct.
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