Transphobia And Self-Maintained Ignorance

[Deleted]

I think the term “transphobic” has acquired too loose of a definition. To be phobic is to express fear of something or someone, and a lot of things that are said — negative as they may be — are more expressions of naïveté and ignorance. If it’s intentionally hostile then it’s probably based in transphobia, otherwise it’s just ignorance and lack of consideration. Luckily, true transphobia is within only a fraction of cis society even though it seems rampant when it's common in our personal experiences.

Just because someone might think or say things that are plausibly insensitive doesn’t necessarily mean that they do so with condemnation. It could easily evolve into that, but may not initially be so. One must always be mindful.

Unfortunately, a significant part of our community has a kind of “mind blindness” in regards to the cis person’s understanding of reality; that because we feel it to be easy and doable to drop everything and research trans issues, cis people should find it equally easy. And it practically is... until you start to really understand psychology and sociology, because many of them perceive us as space aliens who have come from the stars to co-exist with them, and it frightens them.

That’s why many of us need to get off our high horse and drop the holier-than-cis attitude. I know I sound like an apologist, but that’s not where I’m coming from. I’m just trying to approach this situation objectively and with a sense of reason.

Put yourself in their shoes, and imagine the scenario of extraterrestrial humanoids arriving, proclaiming peace and seeking safe harbour, desperately pleading to become renewed as fellow Earthlings. Would you not be suspicious or wary? Would you not feel scared, or possibly even harsh in your treatment of them? If you say you wouldn’t then you’re mature and ‘woke’…but I know some of you feel that you might, and guess what? That is perfectly natural. We are still animals, and we instinctually respond for survival. Luckily, we’re not as bad off as space aliens. There are people who fear us, but most just don’t know what to think or believe about us, so they either put it out of their minds or avoid the subject.

Anyway, the wise thing for this alien race to do to prove themselves as truly peaceful, loving, and worthy of acceptance is through their own actions: through displays of kindness, through modes of education, and through compassion and patience. The moment they begin to slander any human, violently campaign, and demand instant equality is the moment they would be deemed a threat.

So, what do we need to do, as trans people? Bitch and whine about someone not intuitively getting our gender and pronouns right? or do we go forth in patience, love, and the compassionate eagerness to educate and show our cis brothers and sisters that we’re not scary alien monsters? I think you know.

I apologise if this post has offended you or angered you, but I just can't have the attitude that many of us have, expecting equality and acceptance to fall into our laps by condemning and criticising cis people until they can't stand it anymore and give in. That just comes across as juvenile and reckless. Even if we managed to achieve equality through aggression, the amount of silent animosity towards us would just get worse. I know I can be harsh sometimes, but it's because it frustrates me. I like to think that we're better than that; better than our oppressors. I'm assure you, I am not playing down how people feel about being misgendered (considering I deal with it, too) nor am I tone-policing; I'm just pointing out that we simply need to be mindful and less juvenile. It's natural to react defensively, but as an intelligent species we also have the ability to make conscious, mindful choices in the face of adversity.

I don't want to placate to people's emotions with what I write. I want to evoke a renewed sense of dignity and passion so that we can take on these obstacles with strength and unwavering optimism instead of increasing resentment and spite. I know it's a rough road ahead, but we need to keep our heads together and not lose control. We need to stop wallowing in victimhood and we need to grow thicker skin. That's the way I see it all, anyway. Everyone can take whichever road they feel is best, but I will continue to be challenging, inquisitive, and resilient through my foolish believe in humanity.

[Deleted]

I agree Arin. A phobia is a fear of something. Although there is a transphobia in regard to the restroom debate but other than that it is usually unfounded hate and ignorance. Oh and by the way those that are afraid to let us use the restroom or our choice have unfounded fears because it ain't gonna' be one of us that will molest or kidnap children but rather the odds are a cis pervert or psycho. We just wanna' pee. That's all. If anything we should all be cisphobic. I mean I don't want to hurt or insult someone for being cis but a lot of cis want to do that to us. So we have a legitimate reason to fear Cis people.

I mean our illustrious politicians throw around the "phobia and phobe" words and don't even know what a phobia is. That surprises me because most homophobes don't have a genuine fear of homosexuals but rather a hate and prejudice against them. Same way with so called transphobes, they are not afraid of us but rather hat and discriminate us because they can't understand us.

[Leena]

I agree, and have add much of this is even hard for some trans people, including myself, to remember. For instance, I've always been bad with names, I think I'm just as bad with pronouns. I just avoid using them as much as possible on this site and others like it, and it's much harder in speech than typing.

As much as some would like it, we really don't have direct control over what other people say about us. People say hurtful things all the time unrelated to gender. I know I come off as insensitive at times, because frankly I had to make myself insensitive to survive this world and not stay curled up in a ball at all times. I'm sure many cis people that come off as insensitive to our issues are like that for much the same reason, but aren't really transphobic.

We'll gain more acceptance by just being confident and successful people in general. That is largely how gay people have the acceptance they now have. They first became successful entertainers, and now are successful and highly visible in most other walks of life, though they still face some challenges. There's no real reason we can't do the same, we're just mostly still at the successful entertainers stage.

[Deleted]

Sept 16, 2016 2:43:42 GMT 8 Leena said:

I agree, and have add much of this is even hard for some trans people, including myself, to remember. For instance, I've always been bad with names, I think I'm just as bad with pronouns. I just avoid using them as much as possible on this site and others like it, and it's much harder in speech than typing.

As much as some would like it, we really don't have direct control over what other people say about us. People say hurtful things all the time unrelated to gender. I know I come off as insensitive at times, because frankly I had to make myself insensitive to survive this world and not stay curled up in a ball at all times. I'm sure many cis people that come off as insensitive to our issues are like that for much the same reason, but aren't really transphobic.

We'll gain more acceptance by just being confident and successful people in general. That is largely how gay people have the acceptance they now have. They first became successful entertainers, and now are successful and highly visible in most other walks of life, though they still face some challenges. There's no real reason we can't do the same, we're just mostly still at the successful entertainers stage.

You are not the only one Veronica. I find myself saying thank you sir or thank you ma'am depending on my ignorant assumptions of the person's gender. I was always taught to say sir or ma'am out of respect and I have really been trying hard to correct that and just saying thank you but it still slips out. That is why even the way I look and dressed male, I can't be hurt or pissed because someone gendered me wrong. If I am dressed androgonously then I can't be pissed or hurt if someone calls me sir or ma'am or just thank you. No If I am wearing heels and or wedges and feminine earrings and makeup and feminine clothing then sir is an insult and some are assholes and accentuate the sir like SIR, then fuck 'em. If I am spending money in the store and actually helping them make a paycheck the I demand respect and will call the main office. I feel bad but one woman kept calling me sir when I checked out and called Bentonville on her and she no longer works for the Wal-Mart in my town.

An innocent mistake? Anyone should be able to look over but a malicious attack then no. Where I live  MR and Miss is a so called sign of respect and I always tell them to stop the Mr. or Miss. shit I am Jamie and that is all. Next time? Not so nice about it.

Online it is different because we perceive people in our minds but physically if someone is a woman or man and we perceive them that way then it is different. So no. I don't think you are transphobic.  I don't think you are making any mistakes. How the hell if you are trans yourself can you be transphobic? So in real life don't be so hard on yourself.

Damn girl? You are insensitive? I haven't really seen it. But seriously though. I think you have a point about cis people. They have no idea because they don't suffer through it other than maybe in private.

That last part though. We will get there eventually and we are moving toward it. But as for gays though, there are still gay haters. There will always be haters whether race haters, sexual orientation haters and trans haters. Some people are just genetically destined to hate others that are not like them. But fuck them though. A lot of them aren't in the majority anymore.

[Leena]

Sept 17, 2016 2:22:13 GMT 8 @jamie said:

Online it is different because we perceive people in our minds but physically if someone is a woman or man and we perceive them that way then it is different. So no. I don't think you are transphobic.  I don't think you are making any mistakes. How the hell if you are trans yourself can you be transphobic? So in real life don't be so hard on yourself.

Damn girl? You are insensitive? I haven't really seen it. But seriously though. I think you have a point about cis people. They have no idea because they don't suffer through it other than maybe in private.

That last part though. We will get there eventually and we are moving toward it. But as for gays though, there are still gay haters. There will always be haters whether race haters, sexual orientation haters and trans haters. Some people are just genetically destined to hate others that are not like them. But fuck them though. A lot of them aren't in the majority anymore.

A big part of how I buried these transgender feelings was by being transphobic towards myself and thinking I just needed to become ultra masculine. What really started to change my mind was accidentally walking into a trans friendly bar and ordering a drink from a bartender that was non-passing, but also really nice and friendly and normal...

I have a hard time feeling empathy towards people in situations that I'm not able to put myself in their shoes, and may not even perceive that they are even feeling bad. It's a lot easier to feel empathy towards people whose shoes you've worn before or are wearing now, so to speak. I feel like I do make mistakes more in when commenting on issues with life in general, rather than on trans issues. I used to just be really quiet, so yeah, I didn't say anything that might be offensive, because I rarely said anything. I find that as I am becoming more expressive, I do start to say possibly hurtful things. At least I'm aware of this, though sometimes not until after they come out. I think I'll get better at this.

The reason I mentioned it at all is that I don't think cis people are able to put themelves in our shoes at all, or perceive the pain we have. When I was in denial and internally transphobic, I wasn't able to really either. I saw this as something like a vice that I could just quit, like I quit smoking cigarettes. How silly that seems now, though I think some others must view it the same way.

[Deleted]

Sept 17, 2016 15:01:17 GMT 8 Leena said:

Sept 17, 2016 2:22:13 GMT 8 @jamie said:

Online it is different because we perceive people in our minds but physically if someone is a woman or man and we perceive them that way then it is different. So no. I don't think you are transphobic.  I don't think you are making any mistakes. How the hell if you are trans yourself can you be transphobic? So in real life don't be so hard on yourself.

Damn girl? You are insensitive? I haven't really seen it. But seriously though. I think you have a point about cis people. They have no idea because they don't suffer through it other than maybe in private.

That last part though. We will get there eventually and we are moving toward it. But as for gays though, there are still gay haters. There will always be haters whether race haters, sexual orientation haters and trans haters. Some people are just genetically destined to hate others that are not like them. But fuck them though. A lot of them aren't in the majority anymore.

A big part of how I buried these transgender feelings was by being transphobic towards myself and thinking I just needed to become ultra masculine. What really started to change my mind was accidentally walking into a trans friendly bar and ordering a drink from a bartender that was non-passing, but also really nice and friendly and normal...

I have a hard time feeling empathy towards people in situations that I'm not able to put myself in their shoes, and may not even perceive that they are even feeling bad. It's a lot easier to feel empathy towards people whose shoes you've worn before or are wearing now, so to speak. I feel like I do make mistakes more in when commenting on issues with life in general, rather than on trans issues. I used to just be really quiet, so yeah, I didn't say anything that might be offensive, because I rarely said anything. I find that as I am becoming more expressive, I do start to say possibly hurtful things. At least I'm aware of this, though sometimes not until after they come out. I think I'll get better at this.

The reason I mentioned it at all is that I don't think cis people are able to put themelves in our shoes at all, or perceive the pain we have. When I was in denial and internally transphobic, I wasn't able to really either. I saw this as something like a vice that I could just quit, like I quit smoking cigarettes. How silly that seems now, though I think some others must view it the same way.

I think denial is a big part of being trans. Denying and feeling disgusted about that part of yourself will transfer those some feelings toward others. Much like some gay bashers that either turned out later to be gay or bisexual themselves. Well they were always like that and eventually accepted it.

Sometimes we dislike others because we dislike the same things within ourselves. Sometimes the denial will cause us to try to be a characature and become either ultra feminine or ultra masculine to the point of being rediculaously ultra one or the other. 

I mean I've had to be a guy at times but it was so over the top that it actually made people wonder. Then I would make it more comedic and that kind of helped and worked.

Actually I think most cis people don't want to put themselves in our shoes because they may be more afraid that they may feel more normal. So those that trash us and hate us usually do so because they feel a little tug. Maybe not extreme like we do but just a little and if they dip their toes in the water, they may find they want to venture out in start wading and then swimming.

[Leena]

Sept 18, 2016 0:21:20 GMT 8 @jamie said:

Sept 17, 2016 15:01:17 GMT 8 Leena said:

A big part of how I buried these transgender feelings was by being transphobic towards myself and thinking I just needed to become ultra masculine. What really started to change my mind was accidentally walking into a trans friendly bar and ordering a drink from a bartender that was non-passing, but also really nice and friendly and normal...

I have a hard time feeling empathy towards people in situations that I'm not able to put myself in their shoes, and may not even perceive that they are even feeling bad. It's a lot easier to feel empathy towards people whose shoes you've worn before or are wearing now, so to speak. I feel like I do make mistakes more in when commenting on issues with life in general, rather than on trans issues. I used to just be really quiet, so yeah, I didn't say anything that might be offensive, because I rarely said anything. I find that as I am becoming more expressive, I do start to say possibly hurtful things. At least I'm aware of this, though sometimes not until after they come out. I think I'll get better at this.

The reason I mentioned it at all is that I don't think cis people are able to put themelves in our shoes at all, or perceive the pain we have. When I was in denial and internally transphobic, I wasn't able to really either. I saw this as something like a vice that I could just quit, like I quit smoking cigarettes. How silly that seems now, though I think some others must view it the same way.

I think denial is a big part of being trans. Denying and feeling disgusted about that part of yourself will transfer those some feelings toward others. Much like some gay bashers that either turned out later to be gay or bisexual themselves. Well they were always like that and eventually accepted it.

Sometimes we dislike others because we dislike the same things within ourselves. Sometimes the denial will cause us to try to be a characature and become either ultra feminine or ultra masculine to the point of being rediculaously ultra one or the other. 

I mean I've had to be a guy at times but it was so over the top that it actually made people wonder. Then I would make it more comedic and that kind of helped and worked.

Actually I think most cis people don't want to put themselves in our shoes because they may be more afraid that they may feel more normal. So those that trash us and hate us usually do so because they feel a little tug. Maybe not extreme like we do but just a little and if they dip their toes in the water, they may find they want to venture out in start wading and then swimming.

I feel horrible that I used to be transphobic, but I can't change the past. I didn't do anything violent or anything like preach hatred, though I said a few things like the ones in the OP. Being honest about it might scare some away, what I want now is to work to end transphobia as much as possible, it's really the only way I know of to atone for my past. I tend to think most real transphobia is either from someone in denial, sometimes of being gay, or some follower of some preacher that is in denial, or otherwise preaching hate.

[Trinity]

If we are pretty and they are attracted to us they freak out.

Then they kill us.

[Deleted]

Sept 18, 2016 1:18:19 GMT 8 Leena said:

Sept 18, 2016 0:21:20 GMT 8 @jamie said:

I think denial is a big part of being trans. Denying and feeling disgusted about that part of yourself will transfer those some feelings toward others. Much like some gay bashers that either turned out later to be gay or bisexual themselves. Well they were always like that and eventually accepted it.

Sometimes we dislike others because we dislike the same things within ourselves. Sometimes the denial will cause us to try to be a characature and become either ultra feminine or ultra masculine to the point of being rediculaously ultra one or the other. 

I mean I've had to be a guy at times but it was so over the top that it actually made people wonder. Then I would make it more comedic and that kind of helped and worked.

Actually I think most cis people don't want to put themselves in our shoes because they may be more afraid that they may feel more normal. So those that trash us and hate us usually do so because they feel a little tug. Maybe not extreme like we do but just a little and if they dip their toes in the water, they may find they want to venture out in start wading and then swimming.

I feel horrible that I used to be transphobic, but I can't change the past. I didn't do anything violent or anything like preach hatred, though I said a few things like the ones in the OP. Being honest about it might scare some away, what I want now is to work to end transphobia as much as possible, it's really the only way I know of to atone for my past. I tend to think most real transphobia is either from someone in denial, sometimes of being gay, or some follower of some preacher that is in denial, or otherwise preaching hate.

Really? You don't need atonement or to do anything else. Yeah having to be something that you are not and trying to throw people off will make you say BS that you really don't mean.

You have done nothing that most of us haven't done before. So I say again, don't be so hard on yourself. The only person that you owe anything to is yourself.

Ready for a big surprise? Even I did and said the same shit and knew I was trans. Even didn't mind it. I never preached hate either or incited violence but those fucked up times that I had to be a guy, well it was survival to throw people off the trail because I was such a sissy.

Hell when I was married for so many years I had to listen and agree with my ex and her trans hate BS. All the signs were there and she was too ignorant to see them and when I said something all hell broke loose. So don't worry about it Veronica, we know you are trans and you are accepting it so no harm, no foul. Over the road I used to rent motel rooms and get as fucking girly as I could. sometimes if I was in a trans friendly place I would hit the clubs.

I mean I am in my forties and I have been called a sissy which I guess back then passed as trans and I have been called gay before it was popular. No I was not gay, I was fucking Bi and I really wish that the idiots would have gotten it right. So I had to throw people off the tranny trail  and trash my own self. It don't feel good but is ore or less a survival mechanism.

There is nothing to feel horrible about because I will almost bet that you felt it even when you were squelching it. You are not the only one that has done that sadly. So just deal with it and forget it because today is the first day or your life. yeah a little cliche' I know.

[kdkorz10211]

Okay nerd time, but phobia does NOT solely refer to a fear of something. It can also mean an aversion to something, hence why in chemistry nonpolar molecules are said to be hydrophobic. They aren't afraid of water; they are repelled by it.

[Deleted]

Sept 25, 2016 13:32:01 GMT 8 kdkorz10211 said:

Okay nerd time, but phobia does NOT solely refer to a fear of something. It can also mean an aversion to something, hence why in chemistry nonpolar molecules are said to be hydrophobic. They aren't afraid of water; they are repelled by it.

"hy·dro·pho·bic


/ˌhīdrəˈfōbik/


adjective

adjective: hydrophobic



1.



tending to repel or fail to mix with water.




2.



of or suffering from hydrophobia."


Rabies used to be called Hydrophobia. Yes it can be repelling molecules but....

This is the definition of phobia:

noun
1.
a persistent, irrational fear of a specific object, activity, or situation that leads to a compelling desire to avoid it.

2.
A strong fear, dislike, or aversion.

So with the second meaning of Phobias. Transphobia would be an irrational fear of trans people and will try to avoid us but the pornographic industry dictates that some may say but plenty are interested.

Number two is there are a lot that are scared or dislike us and would rather not be around us. Hence why a lot don't go to LGB and especially T clubs. But see my first statement though. A lot love us in priviate but publicly deny it. And then again a lot of people in private and public are like Dr. Jekyle and Mr. Hyde. or Ms. Hyde. And personally I believe that this Phobia has more to do with themelves as it does us. They are not really scared of us but rather something within themselves that we may spark either about attractions or desires to be. If taht makes sense?

So oil is hydrophbic but has no phobia because oil has no emotions like fear. So in reality chemicals can be phobic but not have a phobia.

And you thought you were being nerdy? It looks like we are both right but phobic and phobia can be two different things. Phobic can be used in chemistry but phobia can only be used with ambiant beings such as animals and humans.