I think I want to transition

[Leena]

I fought this long enough. I don't want to be just a crossdresser. Being scared of opening the door when that salesman knocked the other day really made me feel like that.

I let my dislike for the medical system prevent me from becoming who I want to be for over three years now. I want to be Veronica full time. I could have been there now had I acted earlier. I'm thinking now that my fluidity was mostly just doubt, though I don't think all fluidity is doubt and I don't want to invalidate anyone here's gender. This place has helped me so much.

[Taka]

fluidity can be all sorts of things. adjusting, denial, doubts, or the actual real self. it's difficult to know, and often only time can show the true answer.

medical systems can suck. but at least now you've had enough time to think about it and prepare for whatever it takes to get what you want.

when you do it, do it without doubts about whether it is right for you. it seems you now know very well what you really want. but even so, keep your mind open and perceptive of all changes, so that you can choose a different route at any time if something feels wrong.

though i think they say you should let hormones do their work for around 3 months before deciding whether or not it's right for you, since it often takes the body and mind quite a while to adjust completely. it's also worth keeping in mind that different hormone levels work better for different people, so you might still find unexpected answers.

anyway, good luck at navigating your country's medical system! and always remember that transitioning won't make you any less welcome here. i'd love to see you share your experiences.

[Leena]

Sept 5, 2016 6:12:12 GMT 8 Taka said:

fluidity can be all sorts of things. adjusting, denial, doubts, or the actual real self. it's difficult to know, and often only time can show the true answer.

I may still want to be somewhat situationally fluid. The fact that I'm not out to my transphobic family is the main reason. I do have some concerns about whether I will still be able to pass as a guy when I visit them, which is usually only once a year for Christmas. They will probably notice my lack of arm hair, which is mostly gone permanently already, and beard stubble which is getting there.

This will lead to issues later on though with name and gender marker changes on my ID and such, I will need if I want to live in this world that requires ID for lots of things as Veronica. While much of this is quite a long way down the road, thinking about a lot of this makes me very stressed. Still, I want to live my life as me, and not the guy my parents wanted me to be.

[Deleted]

Only you can decide what you want to do Veronica.

As for your family though. I would say if you do HRT then visit them more often. People are inherently ignorant to what goes on around them. And like the old saying goes, put a frog in boiling water and they will jump out if they can but gradually heat up the water and they will end up boiled without knowing.

[Taka]

family are generally the last ones to admit that hrt has changed a person. particularly parents will tell their children they'll never be masculine or feminine enough, even after any randomly encountered person would be completely unable to see the girl or boy that was before. or that's what people tell and lament over.

so if you're afraid of family noticing the changes too early, just see them more often. they'll live happily in denial for a long time, except for the open minded ones who'll realize and also be happy on your behalf.

[Leena]

Sept 7, 2016 2:09:42 GMT 8 @jamie said:

Only you can decide what you want to do Veronica.

As for your family though. I would say if you do HRT then visit them more often. People are inherently ignorant to what goes on around them. And like the old saying goes, put a frog in boiling water and they will jump out if they can but gradually heat up the water and they will end up boiled without knowing.

I know I don't want be a closeted crossdresser any longer. I've been taking lots of baby steps, pushing things further and further, but I still am not going out really as Veronica, more androgynous goth guy. It seems my social dysphoria is a bit intertwined with social phobia.

I'm totally sure I'm not cis-gender. Whether I'm some non-binary label or not is something I've wasted far too much time thinking about. I want a girl name like Veronica and she/her pronouns, though I am not exactly a girly girl. I don't think I will be close to passable even with HRT though, I am going to be obviously trans to most anyone I meet.

I didn't think about visiting more often might make family not notice. They are pretty perceptive, though have pretty bad vision.

[Trinity]

Veronica

Whatever your choices are, stick around.

Estrogen is powerful stuff, it changes more than body. Even at low dose it has a strong effect on me personally.

Theres all kinds of ways to live out transition too. As you experience living it you will find your forest path.

We are here for you as you walk it.

Trinity

[Leena]

Sept 7, 2016 8:45:41 GMT 8 Trinity said:

Veronica

Whatever your choices are, stick around.

Estrogen is powerful stuff, it changes more than body. Even at low dose it has a strong effect on me personally.

Theres all kinds of ways to live out transition too. As you experience living it you will find your forest path.

We are here for you as you walk it.

Trinity

I wasn't planning on leaving. I'm still doing my research as to how I'm going to transition, low dose may be all I need.

[Deleted]

Sept 7, 2016 8:27:26 GMT 8 Leena said:

Sept 7, 2016 2:09:42 GMT 8 @jamie said:

Only you can decide what you want to do Veronica.

As for your family though. I would say if you do HRT then visit them more often. People are inherently ignorant to what goes on around them. And like the old saying goes, put a frog in boiling water and they will jump out if they can but gradually heat up the water and they will end up boiled without knowing.

I know I don't want be a closeted crossdresser any longer. I've been taking lots of baby steps, pushing things further and further, but I still am not going out really as Veronica, more androgynous goth guy. It seems my social dysphoria is a bit intertwined with social phobia.

I'm totally sure I'm not cis-gender. Whether I'm some non-binary label or not is something I've wasted far too much time thinking about. I want a girl name like Veronica and she/her pronouns, though I am not exactly a girly girl. I don't think I will be close to passable even with HRT though, I am going to be obviously trans to most anyone I meet.

I didn't think about visiting more often might make family not notice. They are pretty perceptive, though have pretty bad vision.

Just be like me. A freak with long hair and earrings that wear funny clothes. If you live far enough away from you family learn a little a few songs on guitar, preferably electric and metal sounding and then just shrug and say I am in a band back home.

No. LOL I don't think you are cis-gender either. I mean you are here after all. Well as for passing? I know some cis women that can't pass. I mean it's not as much about passable but the boobs which HRT will take care of and the confidence in yourself and the study of femininity and how women act. There is a lot of shit you can buy online to help you pass. Butt fillers to put in your panties, bust fillers to put in a bra. Long hair or a wig. Lack of body hair but make sure you keep a little hair on your arms and then you can wax or shave certain parts of your arms. You can also bleach the hair on your arms too. I shaved my arms and OH shit. People noticed more and actually even clocked me more. Now I have a quarter inch and will just trim from now on.

It is all an illusion. HRT will take care of some of it. Learning makeup will help too. Losing weight but not too much depending upon your height. I know a lot of guys that don't like ultra skinny girls and know a lot that don't fat big girls too attractive but it is about proportion more than skinny or fat. But actually learning how to talk and walk like a woman will go a long way. Thinking like a woman should come natural. I mean have you ever seen some of the so called beauties in Hollywood without makeup.  Most are ugly without. I see a lot of transwomen that are more naturally beautiful than some of those so called Hollywood beauties naturally. Even older and more weight on them even. The thing about makeup is that it covers imperfections and you can use it to contour in order to be more passable.