Non-Binary and Relationships: What Do I Call You?

[Ativan Prescribed]

Non-Binary and Relationships: What Do I Call You? 

Most people don’t really have a problem with what name to use when introducing the person they are with. For most people it’s as easily solved as “girlfriend” or “boyfriend”. Seems simple enough, right? I wish it was. I’ve just spent the last 5 minutes trying to phrase the first sentence of this article in a gender neutral way that doesn’t sound ridiculous. You see, when you don’t identify with the rigid categories “man” or “woman” and all that is associated with that, you will have a problem on your hands. Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of sweet, cute and adorable gender neutral terms to use for one another; bae, sweetheart, honey, honeybee, pumpkin, pudding - all that jazz. But when you are in a situation where you are actually introducing someone (for example to friends or family) that is non binary and with you it becomes a bit more challenging.

“Hi, this is Fox. They are my [insert term here]”.

I can’t help but to feel a bit helpless. Language has a huge impact on enforcing or creating values and norms in societies and I feel like the idea of gender and sex as a binary is so embedded into our culture that even language is a tool to enforce it. We are constantly creating and enforcing a discourse and ideas that don’t encompass the reality out there. Language needs to move on and we need to come up with new ways, new words and new values that everyone can feel included in. It’s not enough to have to settle for something as a lack of a better term. I want something substantial and I want to feel included.

[Deleted]

How about " Hi my name is Fox and this is so and so my partner, friend, lover, sibling brother/sister, sister/brother, cousin and so on?"

Communication and trust is the key and how someone feels and being honest enough about it to let you know how they prefer to be called. I actually introduce my boyfriend as my boyfriend and he introduces me as his girlfriend when I a feminine. If I am faking then he still introduces me as his girlfriend or partner. I have no problem with that. The girlfriend part though he may have to explain with me more guy than girl but a lot of people get it. Some may not but they don't have to live my life or his either. So neither one of us care. Yes he has been gay and bi and more importantly prefers trans women because he is masculine and prefers the femininity but doesn't care for the "V". So during different functions he asked me how I prefer to be introduced. And since he is a masculine guy then I just introduce him as my boyfriend.

I really think that people make more of this than they should. If I am presenting femme then female pronouns. If I am presenting masculine, well as masculine as I can get, then partner, lover, boyfriend, he or whatever. This is something that should not even be a problem. If I am male then masculine pronouns and if I am female then feminine pronouns and if mixed and matched then either goes. I can not be mad at people perceiving me how they see me. I can however be mad at assholes that purposely are trying to be asses. But as for true innocent ignorance though, I have to put myself in their shoes and try to see me how they see me.

[Valerie]

For one at least it's good to see people speaking up about this more.

Second of all it's really not that hard at all to come up with gender neutral terms and ways to introduce someone you're with! Like for examples

"this is Riley, my partner"
"this is Riley, my significant
other"
"this is Riley, my lover"
"This is Riley, and we're together as in together together"
"This is Riley, my other half"
"This is Riley, my soulmate"
"This is Riley, my boo"

I mean seee it's really not that hard!!! People are just lazy, and too comfortable within our gender binary!

As for pet names omfg no never ever use "bae" with me omg I hate that term it's just sooo uuuggghhhh it's been overused, and it's just really not cute. Also, don't call me baby or honey, pudding, or anything else that just comes off as overly nauseating!!

I like to use "boo bear" "gummi boo bear " "Hun" Orr well idk I'm just not really much into that whole petname or overly affectionate romance stuff haha

[Deleted]

Aug 3, 2016 10:20:13 GMT 8 Valerie said:

For one at least it's good to see people speaking up about this more.

Second of all it's really not that hard at all to come up with gender neutral terms and ways to introduce someone you're with! Like for examples

"this is Riley, my partner"
"this is Riley, my significant
other"
"this is Riley, my lover"
"This is Riley, and we're together as in together together"
"This is Riley, my other half"
"This is Riley, my soulmate"
"This is Riley, my boo"

I mean seee it's really not that hard!!! People are just lazy, and too comfortable within our gender binary!

As for pet names omfg no never ever use "bae" with me omg I hate that term it's just sooo uuuggghhhh it's been overused, and it's just really not cute. Also, don't call me baby or honey, pudding, or anything else that just comes off as overly nauseating!!

I like to use "boo bear" "gummi boo bear " "Hun" Orr well idk I'm just not really much into that whole petname or overly affectionate romance stuff haha

OMG. Where I live everyone uses that freakin' lingo for everyone.  It used to be "bra" that go overused like they use for Bro in Hawaii in the surfer lingo.

Babe, sweety, honey, hon, sweetheart or anything else is OK with me. I think pudding though may be a little offensive if you are carrying a few extra pounds.

[Deleted]

I will say one thing though. Misgendering has never really bothered me much. I figure if I am presenting mismatched then I have to allow people to be a little confused without getting offended by their confusion. I mean I was raised saying ma'am and sir as a means of respect for others and I know I'm not the only one. I still find myself saying it even though I try to be aware and I hope that no one gets offended or at least understands. It is a hard habit to get out of. But this is for strangers though. As for relationships how I dress is how I prefer to be introduced. Usually girlfriend, boyfriend or partner.