Hello. I am Jamie and I am a Transexual.

[Deleted]

OK so why fight it? I always wanted to be a girl. Then a woman and I am so freakin' tired of fighting it so now I am a transsexual. I am thinking of going totally fulltime. I am so tired of the guy thing anymore. I am a sissy. My hair is feminine, my brows are feminine, I am dressing more feminine, I am using my female voice instead of my male voice. Actually my real voice is more femme, trans or gay on radios like a CB. OMG how many drivers thought I was a woman on the radio?

I'm tired of fighting it. Sexually I like the male aspects more than the female aspects as a potential mate. Regardless of genitals. I can't even be a true lesbian anymore. I have changed. but this whole deal of life and love and all the crazy attractions to others is dynamic. Isn't it? For me it has been anyway.

Yes I have been called gay. I have been labeled as bi. Amazingly some have even gotten it right as being a sissy, tranny, shemale and other shit they call us.

I am to the point that I want a man. A real man. Penis or not. A penis a man does not make. It is the attitude, the confidence, the masculinity that oozes out, the pheromones and a lot of other complicated shit.

This is stereotypical bullshit and I am sure I will get called on it but I am a stereotype. I want to feel protected. I want to feel like I am cherished by a man. I want to be put on a pedestal. I want to feel like I am the center of the universe for someone. I want to feel special to someone and if someone makes me feel that way then I will make them feel like they are the center of my universe.

I never could get the masculine stereotypical shit down because I never felt male or masculine. I wouldn't even know where or how to begin but I would almost bet our FTM brothers know.

Everyone seems to hate stereotypes and I absolutely hate that freakin' word. I am not a stereotype. I am definitely not a stereotype and there is only one of me so I am not a "type".

I am female mentally and show it physically even with small boobs so how the hell can I be a stereotype? 

I'm a tranny and moving more toward being full on transsexual. I always will be. I will never be a cis woman and even with SRS I don't think I could ever fool my potential lover into thinking so. If I died before he did then he would find out and then I wouldn't be able to live with myself ( not pun intended ).

Why hide? Why not be proud? there are plenty of people out there that would love us. Amazingly there are as many potential lovers for the LGBTs as there are for Cis people. You just have to be in the right place. Hit the right sights but be careful though. We have clubs dedicated to our community in which we can find lovers.

Realistically and I m not a mathematician but I figure there are at least four people that are totally compatible with someone else. Yeah I'm not that smart but I have found a couple of them. One I lost. One I divorced because she wasn't exactly right, one is courting me right now and there is one out there still. Hopefully the one right now is the last one for me. I am not talking about hookups but true feelings and not false true feelings.

So yeah I guess I am a true transexual. I don't want to be a guy anymore. I hate guy clothes on me. I hate guy hairstyles on me. I hate guy jewelry on me and so on. But I love the women's clothing, hairstyles, and jewelry on me. It makes me feel real instead of fake. Not to mention all the girly decore in my home especially bedroom and bathroom but now I have to share and OMG not selfish in the least. I want him to make my home his home too and he has a den, the living room but the bathroom and the bouduois is my territory. His guy friends come over he needs a place and he has a restroom that thay can pee in but he cleans it. Not me. The living room is kinda' nuetral with candles and some hunting trophies along with my guitars on the walls but our bathroom and bedroom is all mine.

[Trinity]

Well girl, whatever you do and are, you are fine by me.

So now what honey?

[Trinity]

So, wild thang, now that you are taking the walk on the wild side...

There is no right or wrong way to be trans.

I am both TS and nonbonary. That may be controversial, but its my truth.

And all I care aboit is for folk to be happy, find their truth, and steer clear from invalidating anyone's gender.

So more power to you honey.

I am still discovering my gender. I love it, its very androgyne, but very unique too, very much sh'e. There are no boxes or descriptions that work for me, no stereptypes. Only a made up pronoun that captures something special.

So revel in lace and nylon honey, and go be that wife you wanna be.

In another scenaroo I would too.

I just dig flying the gender matrix. Trinity is unplugged...

Enjoy darling.

[Deleted]

You know Trinity. I will admit it is kind of fun confusing people sometimes. You know there are times I still have to be male and act masculine but I am also morphing more into femininity. Those male moments are becoming less and less though. My clothing is a mix and match between feminine and masculine. More Andro maybe? When we go out to NOLA then I am full out femme though. I guess I am being drawn more and more down that road and I am becoming more comfortable with it and feel more normal. When I pose as a guy now, I feel like I'm crossdressing.

[Taka]

you're still just jamie the way i see it. in your own unique way. though that post sounded a lot like the way my little sister is a woman. wanti g to feel protected, needing her man to be stronger than her. things i won't ever understand.

[Deleted]

Jul 28, 2016 23:00:56 GMT 8 Taka said:

you're still just jamie the way i see it. in your own unique way. though that post sounded a lot like the way my little sister is a woman. wanti g to feel protected, needing her man to be stronger than her. things i won't ever understand.

I know Taka. It goes to show that this whole trans thing isn't just delusions or fake or fooling ourselves and so on. I can't see it the other way either. I have tried to fake it and it never really worked out very well.

Contrary to some people's beliefs in society, this isn't something that is delusional, or just wishful thinking or one morning waking up and saying I want to be a man or woman today. Man and woman is a physical characteristic. Masculinity and femininity are more personality traits. Embedded deeper than just the gray matter that makes up the brain. Genetically I am a man. I have XY Chromosomes or I assume. I may have XXY or whatever. When I die my bones and DNA will reveal that possibly. But in life I am more female than male. My styles reflect it. My personality and psyche reflect it not to mention my emotions and everything else reflects the feminine. But when I die all that is left is meat, bones and organs. Then thrown into the ground and waiting to be discovered thousands or millions of years into the future.

After a thousand years and my bones found wherever and whatever hair I had and clothing I wore is long gone all I will be is a male with both ears pieced and what jewelry that I was buried with. I sure hope my jewelry lasts that long to prove that there were transgenders in our time anyway. No one would be able to ask me how I felt while alive though. So I would be just another man from the human race. It kind of sux though because I am not a male.

You know me and I am a little eccentric or just plain insane and crazy but I think transgenderism has been with the human race since self awareness. I mean I heard on the news this morning that bones were found in Africa dating back 1.7 million years ago that has a tumor, I assume bone cancer since it was on a bone but it goes to show that who we are and what happens to us and what we are is not out of the picture since the dawn of humankind. I would be willing to put money on the idea that LGBTs are just as old as humanity. You can't ask dust and bones who the were and what they felt like or what they were or preferred to be when alive.

This is what really sux though. What man that was born male would want to be a woman and feel feminine in a paternalistic society where everything is dominated by masculinity? Yet here we are wanting to be female in a male dominated world. It doesn't make much sense to me. If we could be men we would have it made. To me it makes much more sense it there were more FTMs than MTFs. But giving up male privilege or any type of cis privilege just to be our true selves makes no sense. Yet we are here. This is something that sociologists should be asking and studying instead of the Trump and Hillary conflict.   

[Taka]

haha. yeah, there are more interesting things to study than the choice between two evils.

transgenderism existed in the viking age at least, or there wouldn't be young maidens raiding and plundering with the men. and if you ask plato, the perfect human being is a hermaphrodite, so he can't have been too cishetero either.

and there's the science teacher in my school who says all men are the same (that odd negative behavior designed to keep women below them). it's in their brain structure, she says. and agrees that exceptions may exist, if it can be explianed by a differing brain structure.

we really need more science and less psychology. this is a matter of brain structure much more than a life long psychosis.

[Deleted]

I personally believe that psychology and neurology goes hand and hand. Without the one we don't have the other. Without a psyche we would just have nothing but grey matter an instincts. Without the brain we wouldn't have the psyche.

[Taka]

psychology is also a whole lot of endoveinology. all our emotions are hormones. what we feel and how we react are also closely connected to our neurological makeup and what levels other hormones and different chemicals, minerals etc are at though. actually, even the microbes in out guts can make us feel better or worse. which means that psychology needs a whole lot more science to make things right. if someone is depressed, first thing to check are vitamin d and iron levels, instead of trying to convince them everything will get better eventually.

[Deleted]

Aug 5, 2016 21:35:15 GMT 8 Taka said:

psychology is also a whole lot of endoveinology. all our emotions are hormones. what we feel and how we react are also closely connected to our neurological makeup and what levels other hormones and different chemicals, minerals etc are at though. actually, even the microbes in out guts can make us feel better or worse. which means that psychology needs a whole lot more science to make things right. if someone is depressed, first thing to check are vitamin d and iron levels, instead of trying to convince them everything will get better eventually.

Vitamin D comes from being in the sun. And I think milk? The body will produce it naturally from being in the sun. Its kind of like the old paradox of what came first, the chicken or the egg? So what came first with us, the mind or the brain? When I say mind I am talking about that intelligent energy that is so much more than instinctual behaviors. If one is damaged then the other suffers. My Grandmother had Alzheimer's and had no idea who was who. She had osteoporosis so bad she was in a constant fetal position. Between my overseas duty station and stateside duty station while on leave she was in the hospital and I stayed with her every night except one. My last morning with her, she told me she loved me and actually called me by my name. Barely because it was just a raspy whisper. The next day I flew to my new duty station and three days after she passed and had to take emergency leave and fly back. The Red Cross gave me another 30 days of emergency leave.

OK I mentioned all of this because there is a lot of coincidences involved and seems to be more behind it. My Grandmother passed because two days after I reached my duty station, there was a random drug test. I had smoked pot two days before I left because of the stress of actually watching someone die. It had been a while since she had seen me, 2 years while I was overseas, yet remembered me when I saw her last and told me she loved me. She always called me her granddaughter and even guessed it before I fully accepted it. She is the one that told me to follow my heart and never judged me. I kept all my dolls and girly toys at her house and spent as much time if not more than I did with my parents. She is the one that convinced my parents to just let me grow my hair the way I wanted along with my running away when "haircut time" came around. All the time I stayed with her at the hospital she never gave a hint that she even recognized me until that last time I saw her and she knew who I was. her brain was pretty much gone from Alzheimer's disease but in that last moment her Psyche came through to me. My cousin was there and was amazed and then I knew. I knew on the flight. I knew when the first Sergeant called me into his office that she was gone. She had been released from the hospital and back in the nursing home when she died and she seemed to have saved my ass because pissing hot on a random would have given me a dishonorable discharge.

OMG I am remembering this and am in tears. But also astounded by the coincidences involved. My Grandma loved me. She supported me and urged me to be who I was without guilt. She passed away one day after I left and I barely even unpacked before I got the news and I had to fly back home. The next day there was a random drug test for my unit and my name was on it. I was a close family member but insisted on being a pallbearer. It was the least I could do for a woman that loved and accepted me for who and what I was and urged me to follow my true self and be proud of it. Actually she was born in 1907 and there weren't too many trannies or shemales out and about in a small town. Hell if you were gay then that was pretty much a potential beating or worst.

With my Grandma, the only questions that go through my mind is how and why? She could have shunned me but didn't. Actually back then she was my only allie that I could trust.

So to me I think Psychology, taken from the ancient Greek word of Psyche which translates out to Soul, is so much more than being connected to physiology and nuerology even.

Yes I do investigate the paranormal at times but this is something that really stands out in my mind in a parapsychological sense. I really can't explain how events happened the way they did. How someone totally our of their mind and the brain was so damaged can remember who I am and that they love me the very last time I see them. My Grandma always protected me and it seems she did one last time to keep me from getting into big time trouble and ruining my life. Although I do somehow feel guilty and would hate to think she consciously died to keep me from getting in trouble and ruining my life.

I will say that life is as much a mystery as death is though. And much like the brain and mind, life and death go hand in hand because without one the other cannot exist in a physical sense at least.

[Taka]

if you ask serious astrology, an incredible lot of your personality can be read fr l m the time and place of your birth as well. and life needs to be a mystery in order for us not to just be robots.

vitamin d comes from cod liver oil much easier than from being in the sun. which might be a reason why white folks have started getting so depressed after they stopped eating good fish... a whole lot of rather unexplainable depression can be cured with some higher doses of vitamin d.

[Deleted]

UGHHH. Cod LIVER oil. Anything with liver in it. Yeah I know you can get it is capsules and pills but liver?

Before astronomy there was astrology so yeah I think it may have an effect. I mean even full fledged astronomers believe that certain pulsars or other astrological events can have an effect on our planet and ourselves.  I mean we are actually on a rock traveling through space and time and certain waves, some of which we might not understand or even discovered yet may have an effect on the human body, brain and mind.

I mean it's possible that certain minute gravitational pulls may have an effect on a human fetus. I don't think it may be as much though as the time of your birth as it may be at the time of your conception or the time of the development of the brain. But 9 months give or take and there is a pattern that evolves

[Luyas]

Jul 27, 2016 6:46:23 GMT 8 @jamie said:

OK so why fight it? I always wanted to be a girl. Then a woman and I am so freakin' tired of fighting it so now I am a transsexual. I am thinking of going totally fulltime. I am so tired of the guy thing anymore. I am a sissy. My hair is feminine, my brows are feminine, I am dressing more feminine, I am using my female voice instead of my male voice. Actually my real voice is more femme, trans or gay on radios like a CB. OMG how many drivers thought I was a woman on the radio?

I'm tired of fighting it. Sexually I like the male aspects more than the female aspects as a potential mate. Regardless of genitals. I can't even be a true lesbian anymore. I have changed. but this whole deal of life and love and all the crazy attractions to others is dynamic. Isn't it? For me it has been anyway.

Yes I have been called gay. I have been labeled as bi. Amazingly some have even gotten it right as being a sissy, tranny, shemale and other shit they call us.

I am to the point that I want a man. A real man. Penis or not. A penis a man does not make. It is the attitude, the confidence, the masculinity that oozes out, the pheromones and a lot of other complicated shit.

This is stereotypical bullshit and I am sure I will get called on it but I am a stereotype. I want to feel protected. I want to feel like I am cherished by a man. I want to be put on a pedestal. I want to feel like I am the center of the universe for someone. I want to feel special to someone and if someone makes me feel that way then I will make them feel like they are the center of my universe.

I never could get the masculine stereotypical shit down because I never felt male or masculine. I wouldn't even know where or how to begin but I would almost bet our FTM brothers know.

Everyone seems to hate stereotypes and I absolutely hate that freakin' word. I am not a stereotype. I am definitely not a stereotype and there is only one of me so I am not a "type".

I am female mentally and show it physically even with small boobs so how the hell can I be a stereotype? 

I'm a tranny and moving more toward being full on transsexual. I always will be. I will never be a cis woman and even with SRS I don't think I could ever fool my potential lover into thinking so. If I died before he did then he would find out and then I wouldn't be able to live with myself ( not pun intended ).

Why hide? Why not be proud? there are plenty of people out there that would love us. Amazingly there are as many potential lovers for the LGBTs as there are for Cis people. You just have to be in the right place. Hit the right sights but be careful though. We have clubs dedicated to our community in which we can find lovers.

Realistically and I m not a mathematician but I figure there are at least four people that are totally compatible with someone else. Yeah I'm not that smart but I have found a couple of them. One I lost. One I divorced because she wasn't exactly right, one is courting me right now and there is one out there still. Hopefully the one right now is the last one for me. I am not talking about hookups but true feelings and not false true feelings.

So yeah I guess I am a true transexual. I don't want to be a guy anymore. I hate guy clothes on me. I hate guy hairstyles on me. I hate guy jewelry on me and so on. But I love the women's clothing, hairstyles, and jewelry on me. It makes me feel real instead of fake. Not to mention all the girly decore in my home especially bedroom and bathroom but now I have to share and OMG not selfish in the least. I want him to make my home his home too and he has a den, the living room but the bathroom and the bouduois is my territory. His guy friends come over he needs a place and he has a restroom that thay can pee in but he cleans it. Not me. The living room is kinda' nuetral with candles and some hunting trophies along with my guitars on the walls but our bathroom and bedroom is all mine.

females arnt sissies. also its fine to be who you want to be this ais an amazing transforming world and more and more eople are starting to accept lgbtq+plus their acception dosnt matter we don't need to be accepted we are who we are and we are beautiful people