[ti]happy[/ti]I've finally admitted it

[FaerieKim]

I'm trans.  Really, absolutely, fully and completely trans.  Except for bottom surgery anyway.

I need to, want to look like a woman.  I want other people to see me as female.  If I had been born in a female body I believe I would be healthier mentally and emotionally and would be able to live authentically.  When people refer to me with female words it feels good and it feels right.  In fact I feel like squealing with joy.  And it's weird because I've been telling people I'm genderqueer, androgynous or non binary and yet well meaning people tend to default to using female words when they know I don't like male ones.  Turns out they know me better than I know myself.

I even want hormones so I can get a womanly shape, reduction in body hair and just be more easily read as female.

It's time I accepted it, time I embraced it.  I'm trans.

I'll probably always feel a connection to the non binary community though.  It's good to think outside the box sometimes.  Gender has often seemed like an illusionary, external thing to me in the past.  There will probably always be a part of my mind that feels a bit genderqueer.  And I will always respect and support those who need to carve out a gender neutral space for themselves.  It's important that society adapts to include non binary as an option because no one should feel trapped by gender and forced to be something they're not.

But I need to embrace the woman in me.  I've started to realise how desperately important that is for me.

[Trinity]

Jul 12, 2016 4:05:02 GMT 8 FaerieKim said:

I'm trans.  Really, absolutely, fully and completely trans.  Except for bottom surgery anyway.

I need to, want to look like a woman.  I want other people to see me as female.  If I had been born in a female body I believe I would be healthier mentally and emotionally and would be able to live authentically.  When people refer to me with female words it feels good and it feels right.  In fact I feel like squealing with joy.  And it's weird because I've been telling people I'm genderqueer, androgynous or non binary and yet well meaning people tend to default to using female words when they know I don't like male ones.  Turns out they know me better than I know myself.

I even want hormones so I can get a womanly shape, reduction in body hair and just be more easily read as female.

It's time I accepted it, time I embraced it.  I'm trans.

I'll probably always feel a connection to the non binary community though.  It's good to think outside the box sometimes.  Gender has often seemed like an illusionary, external thing to me in the past.  There will probably always be a part of my mind that feels a bit genderqueer.  And I will always respect and support those who need to carve out a gender neutral space for themselves.  It's important that society adapts to include non binary as an option because no one should feel trapped by gender and forced to be something they're not.

But I need to embrace the woman in me.  I've started to realise how desperately important that is for me.

Kim,

You can be very she and still be quite nonbinary. I am physically very much a sh'e. In much more than appearence. Dont limit yourself, the journey has many twists and turns.

I am very sh'e, yet I am very nombinary. Being very she doesnt invalidate your nonbinary identity. You are more than she. Yet, you are she.

Enjoy your revelation darling, and spread those wings.

Id rather die than detransition.

Trinity.

[EchelonHunt]

What Trinity said.

I am quite like you, only that I intend to fully transition to male. I want to be legally male, have bottom surgery, all that jazz.

But a strong part of me is proudly genderqueer. I like to dress feminine, be perceived as female and like you, thinking of E in the future as I want to feminine shape of my body, softer body hair and soft features.

Basically, I'd like to be a male-bodied person who looks and is perceived as female by others.

There is a common misconception that if you begin identifying as binary, that you have to cut ties with your non-binary identification or community. It's not true at all. There is no and/or. You can be happily both, regardless of what other people think.

Many people think identifying as a non-binary woman or non-binary man is contradictory. It's not, it just means one is non-binary in identity and woman/man in terms of body and/or social role.

Just be careful, there is a lot of animosity towards AMAB transfolks who do not have dysphoria, don't intend to have bottom surgery but go on HRT to reap the benefits. There are many older MTFs out there who believe full-transition is the "one and only true transition" will try to convince you that bottom surgery or "full-transition" is inevitable. If you haven't already, please find supportive transwomen who believe in allowing you to form your own path, not ones that believe your path should mirror theirs.

There is a sub I follow on Reddit, called feminineboys, a lot of pre-HRT transwomen, as well as femguys who hang out there, some still do post-HRT to help others figure out their identity and so on. It's very interesting because there is a cisgender male who has dysphoria and went on HRT to feminize his body, yet he doesn't identify as trans. There was also a feminine boy who wanted to desperately feminize his body and look outwardly female, he said he would be willing to lie to doctors about dysphoria in order to get HRT. He was met with a fair amount of criticism because he only cared about the physical changes, not taking into account that HRT effect the entire body, mental, emotional and sexual state too.

There are many ways to be trans and non-binary. Many people think that you can't be binary trans and non-binary at the same time, Trinity and myself are examples whom are.

Having said all this, I'm very happy for you. It's always fulfilling to embrace yourself and feel comfortable in who you are.

Jacey

[FaerieKim]

Luckily I know a few trans women who don't want surgery and I'm already wary of those who insist there's only one way to be trans.

Both of you make interesting points about being non binary and a woman. I've been saying something similar, that I'm both non binary and also a trans woman. That's why I like the term demigirl. I'll always have that part of my mind that feels free of gender and cannot be defined but there's a definite desire and need to aspire to womanhood and become more female. So I'm both. I've even toyed with saying I'm bigender but instead of male and female my two genders are female and non binary. I still get confused whether the non binary part is intergender, agender or gender fluid but never mind.

[Trinity]

Jul 12, 2016 17:50:49 GMT 8 FaerieKim said:

Luckily I know a few trans women who don't want surgery and I'm already wary of those who insist there's only one way to be trans.

Both of you make interesting points about being non binary and a woman. I've been saying something similar, that I'm both non binary and also a trans woman. That's why I like the term demigirl. I'll always have that part of my mind that feels free of gender and cannot be defined but there's a definite desire and need to aspire to womanhood and become more female. So I'm both. I've even toyed with saying I'm bigender but instead of male and female my two genders are female and non binary. I still get confused whether the non binary part is intergender, agender or gender fluid but never mind.

Trying to figure that out can scramble your noodle. You don't need to try to classify it.

You need to feel. Feel everything. Breathe. Be, find who you are, but don't try to figure it out, try to become a friend to who you really are.

There was vast wreckage for me, not understanding the harm I had done to sh'e.

But in time, it got worked out, and I became sh'e with great joy and strength. It does not change that I am nonbinary, that I socially function as "they", even while I am very sh'e.

It took a long time to figure that out. But when it got dialed in, it changed absolutely everything.

I am proud I am a sh'e. And proud I am a they too.

Because its all real, and its all me.

There's no denial.  There's no fake.  Just, me, as I was made, and intended to be when I am freed.

Be freed.

And get a gender therapist...

[Trinity]

I like the white hat by the way

[EchelonHunt]

You could just be a demgirl or non-binary transwoman with fluidity.

My non-binary identification is very fluid that it's hard to pin down what it is, sometimes it is male, female, neither, both, neutral but most of the time it is agender & something else (male, female, neither, both, etc) so I call myself agenderfluid (agender being predominant, fluidity covering everything) boy.

Sometimes, this happens once a month, or whenever I am depressed, I will lose my sense of self and struggle to define what my identity is (mainly the non-binary aspect). I will panic and try to search the labels and find what resonates with me the most, the feeling of uncertainty is the worst and I hate it. But eventually, once I calm down, I almost always come back to agenderfluid boy or non-binary boy.

I COULD call myself bigender but personally, that term doesn't do it justice for me. Bigender hints at there being two distinct gender identities and most of the time, when people hear bigender, they will assume it is male and female. Plus, bigender hints at feeling each gender identity at different times, for me, my gender is so fluid that it combines into one entity of everything that I feel all at once, rather than feeling each gender identity separately at different times.

[Trinity]

Different for all of us I guess.

Whatever i am, its consistant, and i like being it.

Thats a long way from the angst of the first years of transition.

Its quite a journey. I think we need to make ourselves as comfortable as we can on it.

[Leena]

I often feel like this, even wanting SRS. I also often wish I was consistent. I do still sometimes mentally flip masculine, and occasionally to feeling like I'm a mix. I probably will remain somewhat genderfluid regardless of what I choose to do with my body, still not sure I can handle fully transitioning when I flip masculine...

[Trinity]

For me, being aware of both presentation and simultaneous gender in action...gender that maybe shouldnt even be labeled now...there is a consistancy and awareness thing going.

The presentation matters less. Relaxing into my environment, in whatever social gender role I am in, seems to be the fluid part.

[FaerieKim]

Jul 13, 2016 5:03:33 GMT 8 Trinity said:

I like the white hat by the way

It's a hairband thing.  The picture is from after having a makeover at a local trans event.  The woman doing my make up put my hair back so it wouldn't get in the way.  It does look kind of cute though

[Trinity]

Yup.

[Taka]

i just suddenly felt like reminding people that you are you because of all that you are. even the body that developed the wrong parts.
you wouldn't be you if you were born in a different body.

though it would be much easier if society were more accepting, and treatment were more easily available.

defining your gender isn't all that important. saying you want to look like and be treated as a woman, is enough.
i don't care whether that makes you trans or whatever, i will only care about who you tell me that you are, and what pronouns etc. you want me to use.
there are even doctors in this world who don't care as much about labels, as what physical features you want and don't want.

it would be interesting to get to know you as you, rather than whatever labels you can find for yourself.
there are none that truly fit me, other than my name, and my chosen online handles.
but that's enough for me, because i know that i will be me no matter what.
i'm so glad i got over the identity crisis though, and that need for labels and definitions. so much less anxiety.
makes me less rigid and more confident in my identity too.

[Deleted]

Jul 12, 2016 17:50:49 GMT 8 FaerieKim said:

Luckily I know a few trans women who don't want surgery and I'm already wary of those who insist there's only one way to be trans.

Both of you make interesting points about being non binary and a woman. I've been saying something similar, that I'm both non binary and also a trans woman. That's why I like the term demigirl. I'll always have that part of my mind that feels free of gender and cannot be defined but there's a definite desire and need to aspire to womanhood and become more female. So I'm both. I've even toyed with saying I'm bigender but instead of male and female my two genders are female and non binary. I still get confused whether the non binary part is intergender, agender or gender fluid but never mind.

I don't want surgery. WTF? That would make me like everyone else. "Boys have a penis and girls have a vagina." LOL not all girls have a vagina and not all boys have a penis. Buck Angel is all man and Bailey Jay is woman enough to pull her own. No pun intended.

OK so I am a little embarrassed but I would put Buck Angel against any cis guy because he is way better looking and way more muscular and as long as he has a really good strap on.....  As for Baily Jay she is would be the perfect lesbian relationship, beautiful and feminine and better looking than most cis women. Not to mention "special" in that one way.

There are way more but we ain't all out yet totally.

But I love the makeup and the facial structure. You shouldn't have that much to worry about going out En femme.