Disappointed (Substance Use)

[kdkorz10211]

I'm disappointed in myself. I told myself I'd stay away from weed and alcohol for a month. Twelve days in and a coworker asked to smoke with me and I said yes right away. Then I bought some hard cider and am drinking it. I try to remind myself that I'm just showing symptoms and that doesn't make me a failure, but I don't believe it. Hopefully this time I'll make it longer.

[Deleted]

May 31, 2016 14:36:33 GMT 8 kdkorz10211 said:

I'm disappointed in myself. I told myself I'd stay away from weed and alcohol for a month. Twelve days in and a coworker asked to smoke with me and I said yes right away. Then I bought some hard cider and am drinking it. I try to remind myself that I'm just showing symptoms and that doesn't make me a failure, but I don't believe it. Hopefully this time I'll make it longer.

Look kd. 12 days and you smoked a little weed and bought some hard cider.???? Don't sound like an addict to me. You are not a failure. I know people that drink everyday and they are not abusers. Just hard working people that just like to unwind at the end of the day. I know people who smoke and the same goes for them. I would say if you need it in order to cope with day to day life and you are duct taping pint bottles of vodka in the toilet tank in order to hide it from everyone and a lot of other signs then that is substance abuse and you become addicted to it. But a few drinks and sharing a hooter with someone is pretty normal if you drink and smoke.

Actually twelve days is a symptom of not needing them to cope. Now if you were hallucinating and going into DTs during those twelve days, then that is a big neon sign saying, "GET HELP NOW".

Hell there are things that we enjoy. I couldn't go one day without coffee or a cigarette. I did go a few months without a cigarette but I just enjoyed it too much. Plus I like pissing people off.  

Hard cider? really? I got some "corn juice" that will rival any single malt Scotch or Irish Whisky on the planet for smoothness and taste.

If you have personal goals then pretty much like this whole trans thing, take baby steps. Maybe start at a week. Then two weeks then three weeks then go for the month.

[EchelonHunt]

If you do intend to try being sober again in the future, if you didn't do so before, it might be wise to let your coworkers know about your plan to become sober so they do not offer temptation by asking if you'd like to smoke with them.

It's no easy feat to be sober. Ask my friend, she has tried to quit weed and cigs, she lasted two weeks before giving in. She has tried to quit numerous times in the past. It's hard, as when she is stressed, she smokes to calm down. Just have to replace one habit for another. I used to binge-drink every weekend, sometimes I would drink everyday. I was a train wreck back then, now I drink socially every 4-6 months, sometimes even longer. It's made a huge difference and I'm sure my liver thanks me for it! I also didn't like being "that" drunk person who is bitter and rants about past events or past people who have treated me terribly. Being drunk also reminds me of my negative experiences (which probably why it leads me to rant about them), such as that night my "friend" coerced my drunken self into vaginal sex, sex I would have never consented to sober and to make matters worse, he fully knew that fact. It makes me seem like I am unable to move on whereas when I'm sober, I don't care, the past doesn't bother me.

I used to self-harm because of stress and emotional instability, I swapped that habit for art & crafts, more the crafts side of things as it keeps my hands busy and crafting/sewing became very therapeutic for me. It also made me feel proud of myself when I complete an outfit from scratch, I never feel proud of any sense of positive emotion after self-harm. When I went on T, it dissipated a lot of my overwhelming dysphoria and partly the emotional instability stemmed from the menstruation **strongly believe without a doubt I had an undiagnosed case of premenstrual dysphoric disorder... I do not wish this living hell on anyone, not even my enemies** so once that ceased, things became a lot more easier for me to manage.

Jamie is right, baby steps is crucial. Ease yourself into the process. You'll get there! If you do relapse again, try not to beat yourself up, you are human and mistakes are bound to happen. We aren't perfect.

[kdkorz10211]

Jun 4, 2016 2:08:28 GMT 8 @jamie said:

Look kd. 12 days and you smoked a little weed and bought some hard cider.

Yeah, some clarification: no, I am not an addict in the traditional sense in that I am no where close to dependence; I do struggle with alcohol abuse, though. I binge drink, which is what I did that day. I drank way too much. I vomited in my bed either before or after passing out (I don't remember). This is something I have tried many times to stop doing. The weed was no big deal. The reduced inhibition that led to binge drinking was.

[Deleted]

Jun 8, 2016 7:03:12 GMT 8 kdkorz10211 said:

Jun 4, 2016 2:08:28 GMT 8 @jamie said:

Look kd. 12 days and you smoked a little weed and bought some hard cider.

Yeah, some clarification: no, I am not an addict in the traditional sense in that I am no where close to dependence; I do struggle with alcohol abuse, though. I binge drink, which is what I did that day. I drank way too much. I vomited in my bed either before or after passing out (I don't remember). This is something I have tried many times to stop doing. The weed was no big deal. The reduced inhibition that led to binge drinking was.

Yeah binge drinking is not a good thing. Of course I have gotten way too drunk at times too and projectile vomiting drunk too. But that was just a normal Saturday night when I was younger. I guess when I was younger it was called letting loose instead of binge drinking. When we are young then it happens.

It doesn't sound like you have dependency issues but binge drinking is not really a good thing but it does happen. Personally I got tired of waking up with hangovers and feeling like a building fell on my head and my stomach was full of gartersnakes coming out of hibernation. I drink. I catch a buzz and keep drinking just enough to keep it going which is usually 1 drink per hour after that.

I am not condoning drinking especially if someone has issues with it now or in the past. Unfortunately some people do get addicted to it but it's just like anything else such as drugs, caffeine, nicotine and even coca cola or food in some cases. But for anyone that enjoys drinking but have a tendency to binge drink that alcohol has a double effect. In the beginning it acts more as a stimulant and once you pass a certain amount consumed acts as a depressant. I actually enjoy drinking and drink a little bit every night just to unwind and relax. Usually wine but sometimes scotch or beer. Just remember one thing. Once you drink too much your body will react totally differently to the alcohol. Just like any poison, too much and your body will reject it and try to rid itself of it. Way too much and it may even kill you. Once it goes from a stimulating euphoric effect to a depressant type effect and motor functions start suffering, either eat something or stop drinking. I can't drink after I eat. Or rather I can pretty much drink unlimited amounts after I eat and all it does is make me feel bloated. Also after I eat I am almost completely sober the way that I drink. Not enough to drive but I lose the buzz. Then I just waste my money if I keep drinking because it has no effect other than makes me feel uncomfortable.

If you are going to drink just remember that binge drinking is pretty much a waste of money. You get your money's worth for the first couple or few drinks and then you just may as well be throwing money down the toilet. No pun intended.

Just remember to drink slower and just enjoy the buzz and then keep the buzz by drinking even slower. I hate losing control and fear looking stupid unless it is a ploy of some sort and when I used to overdrink that is usually what ended up happening. Plus in a lot of places we really need to keep our wit's about us and pay attention to everything going on around us.