Any Suggestions for Anger Management Classes?

[FlamingOrchid]

Hey everyone,

was wondering if anyone has a suggestion for an anger management class.  Money is a bit tight for me, so preferably something in an moderate price range. Looking at New York or Arizona (for the moment), but online may be ideal.

This website seems promising: www.angermanagementonline.com/anger-management-arizona.html

Anyway, I would love some advice on the matter... if anyone here is familiar with this stuff.


Flaming Orchid

[Trinity]

My shrink does anger and trans and is trans himself..

Negotiate w him on dollars. Or ask for referal.
Lets see who else wieghs in.

[Deleted]

May 24, 2016 8:34:11 GMT 8 FlamingOrchid said:

Hey everyone,

was wondering if anyone has a suggestion for an anger management class.  Money is a bit tight for me, so preferably something in an moderate price range. Looking at New York or Arizona (for the moment), but online may be ideal.

This website seems promising: www.angermanagementonline.com/anger-management-arizona.html

Anyway, I would love some advice on the matter... if anyone here is familiar with this stuff.


Flaming Orchid

Anger management? Yeah I got some info and suggestions. When you are pissed, slow down and take some deep breaths through your nose. hold the breath in for about 5 to 10 seconds and let it out slowly through your mouth. The extra oxygen and the absorption of the extra oxygen will reach your brain. There is actual biological science behind it. Plus the extra oxygen will have an effect on your body too.

Then do what I do and realize that people are ignorant. Then realize that these ignorant people have no ultimate control over your life and what you are working toward. You are in charge of your own destiny. Your life, your rules.

If you need classes then by all means find someone. The cheaper way out is hitting the self help section in a book store.

But first off though, you have to figure what is triggering the anger within you. When you do then you can deal with it much better. Anger is not a bad thing but blind anger is not good.

For example. I hate where I live. I hate it with a passion. I even got into an argument with a priest even. Oh yeah, I will prolly go to hell.  I got a divorce and now go back and forth from home to here now. I used here in a creative way in the way of dark metal guitar. Big catholic area with a lot of younger folks wanting to rebel so I use that in a creative way. Plus the Goths, The "Vampires", the voodoo and so on. Back home music would be limited to Country music or tribute bands of Skynerd and I abhor country music. Plus the work down here for business opportunities is OK so I do own a business too.

This is just what works for me. You have to find what works for you. I won't even go into how low I went in anger, hate and rage. Now though? Screw it. It makes me a good living and I can always go home when it becomes too much.

It may sound selfish but you have to do what is right for you and your future. Not just your future but your physical health and mental health.

Personally I love Arizona.

[EchelonHunt]

This is interesting thread because I've always had a bad temper but never thought of it to be much of a problem. Denial ain't just a river in Eygpt.

Anger and frustration seem to be best friends, brothers maybe. I find that since going on T, I have so much excess energy floating in my body, that it's almost like it's being stored and ready for release whenever I get annoyed, frustrated or angry. The lid shoots off and without realizing it, I find I am 10x annoyed, frustrated or angry and it's usually over something incredibly minor.

I had anger issues prior to HRT, I used to be violent, lash out and throw things at my family members (usually my sister because she would constantly nitpick everything I do and nag at me about nonsensical shit.) I'm not ashamed to admit it.

I was never allowed to properly express my emotions through tears when I was a child because crying embarrassed my parents so I switched off crying, just like that. When I would get mad and throw tantrums, they scolded me and told me to stop that so I stopped that too.

But then puberty came and with it, the lovely joys of menstruation. I strongly believe I had a undiagnosed case of premenstrual dyphoric disorder (PMDD), in which I would experience violent mood swings, depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts in the days leading up to the period. Oh, it was hell. I'm surprised my family didn't pick up on that pattern every time because it was like clockwork every time for months and years. I'm surprised I survived and that the family didn't kick me out. I was not a pleasant person to be around.

Now, that's changed. It was mostly HRT giving me emotional stability, erasing the bulk of my dysphoria, ceasing the menses and also learning to love and accept myself, learning to forgive myself, not beat myself up and strive to become a better person, the best ideal person I'd like to be. I cope with my emotions far better than I used to. I still need to work on properly expressing my feelings with words without getting angry or upset. But like all things, it will take time, patience and practise.

[FlamingOrchid]

May 24, 2016 23:48:34 GMT 8 @jamie said:

May 24, 2016 8:34:11 GMT 8 FlamingOrchid said:

Hey everyone,

was wondering if anyone has a suggestion for an anger management class.  Money is a bit tight for me, so preferably something in an moderate price range. Looking at New York or Arizona (for the moment), but online may be ideal.

This website seems promising: www.angermanagementonline.com/anger-management-arizona.html

Anyway, I would love some advice on the matter... if anyone here is familiar with this stuff.


Flaming Orchid

Anger management? Yeah I got some info and suggestions. When you are pissed, slow down and take some deep breaths through your nose. hold the breath in for about 5 to 10 seconds and let it out slowly through your mouth. The extra oxygen and the absorption of the extra oxygen will reach your brain. There is actual biological science behind it. Plus the extra oxygen will have an effect on your body too.

Then do what I do and realize that people are ignorant. Then realize that these ignorant people have no ultimate control over your life and what you are working toward. You are in charge of your own destiny. Your life, your rules.

If you need classes then by all means find someone. The cheaper way out is hitting the self help section in a book store.

But first off though, you have to figure what is triggering the anger within you. When you do then you can deal with it much better. Anger is not a bad thing but blind anger is not good.

For example. I hate where I live. I hate it with a passion. I even got into an argument with a priest even. Oh yeah, I will prolly go to hell.  I got a divorce and now go back and forth from home to here now. I used here in a creative way in the way of dark metal guitar. Big catholic area with a lot of younger folks wanting to rebel so I use that in a creative way. Plus the Goths, The "Vampires", the voodoo and so on. Back home music would be limited to Country music or tribute bands of Skynerd and I abhor country music. Plus the work down here for business opportunities is OK so I do own a business too.

This is just what works for me. You have to find what works for you. I won't even go into how low I went in anger, hate and rage. Now though? Screw it. It makes me a good living and I can always go home when it becomes too much.

It may sound selfish but you have to do what is right for you and your future. Not just your future but your physical health and mental health.

Personally I love Arizona.

Breathing is something I'd like to get better at, specifically when I need it. It's likely something I have to form a habit with, because it's so easy to forget. Most of what I'm worried about is rage toward pretty inconsequential things. It's frustration at my own sense of inadequacy which quickly spirals into hostility and tantrums. Recognizing the triggers is difficult because I done want to make a big deal out of nothing or be rude. It's getting to the point where this is necessary

[FlamingOrchid]

May 25, 2016 1:51:43 GMT 8 EchelonHunt said:

This is interesting thread because I've always had a bad temper but never thought of it to be much of a problem. Denial ain't just a river in Eygpt.

Anger and frustration seem to be best friends, brothers maybe. I find that since going on T, I have so much excess energy floating in my body, that it's almost like it's being stored and ready for release whenever I get annoyed, frustrated or angry. The lid shoots off and without realizing it, I find I am 10x annoyed, frustrated or angry and it's usually over something incredibly minor.

I had anger issues prior to HRT, I used to be violent, lash out and throw things at my family members (usually my sister because she would constantly nitpick everything I do and nag at me about nonsensical shit.) I'm not ashamed to admit it.

I was never allowed to properly express my emotions through tears when I was a child because crying embarrassed my parents so I switched off crying, just like that. When I would get mad and throw tantrums, they scolded me and told me to stop that so I stopped that too.

But then puberty came and with it, the lovely joys of menstruation. I strongly believe I had a undiagnosed case of premenstrual dyphoric disorder (PMDD), in which I would experience violent mood swings, depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts in the days leading up to the period. Oh, it was hell. I'm surprised my family didn't pick up on that pattern every time because it was like clockwork every time for months and years. I'm surprised I survived and that the family didn't kick me out. I was not a pleasant person to be around.

Now, that's changed. It was mostly HRT giving me emotional stability, erasing the bulk of my dysphoria, ceasing the menses and also learning to love and accept myself, learning to forgive myself, not beat myself up and strive to become a better person, the best ideal person I'd like to be. I cope with my emotions far better than I used to. I still need to work on properly expressing my feelings with words without getting angry or upset. But like all things, it will take time, patience and practise.

I relate a lot to so much of this. Honestly some of my rage is dysphoria related, while all of it has to do with inadequacy. The rage tends to be projected onto the ones I love. It's like a curse. I've gotten better, objectively, but that doesn't stop the emotions from really getting in the way. At this point I'm willing to try anything, anything to help diffuse the destructive behavior.

[Taka]

i have no idea about classes, you live a bit too far away from here.

what i do know about anger though, is that triggers and causes are two very different things.

triggers are things you want to know because that enables you to walk away before it gets bad, or calm yourself down just because you know it's going to happen.
but what you need to deal with are the causes. and they may have almost nothing to do with the triggers at all.

try asking yourself what it is that makes you feel so trapped that you need to defend yourself with aggression.

for some people, getting less of the wrong hormones or more of the right ones, works wonders for their anger management.
though what worked for me was changing the way i look at the relation between my past, present, and future. mostly learning to accept and forgive the idiotic me who made bad decisions in the past, and telling the present me that nobody actually cares that i'm not perfect, just the same as how i don't care much about other people's imperfections.

well, getting away from people who were bad for my mental health also did some. but that first part really turned my world upside down in a very good way, though it was really hard to get to the point where i could accept it.

i used to be a very prickly cactus around the family sort of people (only those who should know better could make me that angry). but they can't hurt me in ways that make me that angry anymore, because i'm not afraid of the imperfections i felt like they were attacking me for.

your reasons could be very different from mine, but there's a lot you can do on your own by trying to learn about why certain things trigger you, rather than what things trigger.

[FlamingOrchid]

May 25, 2016 4:12:47 GMT 8 Taka said:

i have no idea about classes, you live a bit too far away from here.

what i do know about anger though, is that triggers and causes are two very different things.

triggers are things you want to know because that enables you to walk away before it gets bad, or calm yourself down just because you know it's going to happen.
but what you need to deal with are the causes. and they may have almost nothing to do with the triggers at all.

try asking yourself what it is that makes you feel so trapped that you need to defend yourself with aggression.

for some people, getting less of the wrong hormones or more of the right ones, works wonders for their anger management.
though what worked for me was changing the way i look at the relation between my past, present, and future. mostly learning to accept and forgive the idiotic me who made bad decisions in the past, and telling the present me that nobody actually cares that i'm not perfect, just the same as how i don't care much about other people's imperfections.

well, getting away from people who were bad for my mental health also did some. but that first part really turned my world upside down in a very good way, though it was really hard to get to the point where i could accept it.

i used to be a very prickly cactus around the family sort of people (only those who should know better could make me that angry). but they can't hurt me in ways that make me that angry anymore, because i'm not afraid of the imperfections i felt like they were attacking me for.

your reasons could be very different from mine, but there's a lot you can do on your own by trying to learn about why certain things trigger you, rather than what things trigger.

That's an excellent point about the What vs the Why.  I think I can see part of why I get so angry.  It's a control thing.  When I don't understand something, or when I feel like I can't change something in my life, I get upset that I don't have the control.  This is part of it, although I'm not quick to say that it's everything, because I'm just simply not all-knowing enough to be sure.  I can't say I've surrounded myself with people who are bad for my mental health.  In fact, that's why this rage is so distressing, is because I'm pushing such lovely folks away from me.  I do have family who are toxic, and I try to keep my distance as much as possible while still maintaining some shred of a relationship with them.  But the damage that was created with myself and them is still very much present and pulling the strings.  It's sneaky as hell.

[Taka]

it's never a simple thing, and the reasons can be difficult to learn to understand well enough to do something about.

though the solution itself is often the simplest thing, even to getting out of depression, it still takes finding that particular switch within oneself and daring to turn it. which makes the process of getting there almost incredibly hard. happiness is a bit like some really good cake that's super easy to make, except you don't have the recipe and it looks way too complicated to imagine how to make it. and the smart happy people who kow the recipe by instinct give all this advice that is absolutely correct, but what they say is "you just have to make that cake" instead of giving the recipe so you can do it...


i get this feeling that anger management has more to do with controlling your actions when you get angry than learning to see interactions in such a way thay you don't get angry about insignificant little things. a good shrink and a lot of constructive self reflection may be just as good as anger management classes, depending on what the problem really is.

[Deleted]

Ya know, I'm pissed because I was born with an "outie" instead of an "innie" but we have to learn to deal with it. Personally I don't mind the names so no dysphoria there for me. I am Trans. Not a big deal. I am pretty to the guys that I date. I do not date the trans curious ones. So I make sure. Same with women. So if you are curious about me go online and learn a little. I am not someone's experiment and why I believe I am not that dysphoric. I do get dysphoric sometimes but work through it. Just like in poker, we are all dealt a hand and we can either bluff, trade three different cards in the way of HRT or SRS, or just play the cards we were dealt. I just play the cards I was dealt. My choice. I decided which gave me the control. So someone may have something to say. Fuck them. Usually they are jealous, have low self esteem, scared because they may have the same feelings, and so on. Don't be mad. Everyone insecure whether or not they admit it. A lot of that insecurity may come across as anger or rage blindly. Sometimes it may come out as hate for others too.

The best anger management that I can suggest is confidence in yourself. Girl you got the look so no second guessing there. Have confidence in that. As for the bottom dysphoria, I have no idea how to deal with that because I don't have it. LOL I got a really small one. Hell that bastard seems to be in more than out. Almost like I have been on HRT for a while even though I haven't. A lot of straight girls have laughed when they saw it   but most lesbians at heart like the way I "talk" though. Even the straight girls liked the way I "talk" and could over look the "little thing". Plus being a so called boy friend and best friend that likes the same things. So no dysphoria there for me either. And no anger.

I am lazy. It takes so much more energy to be pissed off than nonchalant or happy even. This will sound like bullshit, especially when you are young but.... The more you embrace who you are and the more you get to know FlamingOrchid, the less angry you will be. Yeah I do know, it sounds like bullshit. But believe me. When I was younger I was angry a lot. I was insecure with girls, too secure with guys. Before puberty most people thought I was a girl anyway and hitting puberty pissed me off. I was often called gay. That used to piss me off because I am not gay. I am bi and was more or less a lesbian. Now I am "straight" because I like guys more than girls but am still labeled gay. I politely tell people that I am a "straight shemale" or "straight tranny" and then let them gawk. It doesn't make me mad because I figured out that society in general are nothing but ignorant idiots. This keeps me from getting angry.

[Taka]

growing up with parents who are detrimental to one's mental health can make a whole lot of things more difficult though.

growing up with strictly conditional love often makes it difficult to learn any confidence at all, because if even your own mother always finds faults in you, and never thinks you're good enough... then there's obviously something wrong with you, right?

parents can give their children strength if they do parenting right. but they can just as well give weaknesses and vulnerability by doing it wrong. the intention behind, and the love they claim to have (which is most likely real), don't matter if words and actions tell a different story the way that the child interprets it.

one part of anger management is directing one's anger toward the right person or past event. of you get angry, you definitely have good reason for it. though it isn't necessarily the person in front of you who is giving you reason to get angry, they may have just triggered a faint memory of the real reason.

[FlamingOrchid]

May 25, 2016 13:58:46 GMT 8 Taka said:

it's never a simple thing, and the reasons can be difficult to learn to understand well enough to do something about.

though the solution itself is often the simplest thing, even to getting out of depression, it still takes finding that particular switch within oneself and daring to turn it. which makes the process of getting there almost incredibly hard. happiness is a bit like some really good cake that's super easy to make, except you don't have the recipe and it looks way too complicated to imagine how to make it. and the smart happy people who kow the recipe by instinct give all this advice that is absolutely correct, but what they say is "you just have to make that cake" instead of giving the recipe so you can do it...


i get this feeling that anger management has more to do with controlling your actions when you get angry than learning to see interactions in such a way thay you don't get angry about insignificant little things. a good shrink and a lot of constructive self reflection may be just as good as anger management classes, depending on what the problem really is.

I like that analogy of just making the cake.  It makes a lot of sense.

Part of these outbursts are discouraging because I've been in therapy for years.  But maybe the rage is something I just haven't gone over thoroughly enough to feel in control of it.  It certainly has been out of control lately.

I do agree that fixing this in therapy is likely just as good as anger management.  "Keep it simple, sweetie." as they say :^)

[FlamingOrchid]

May 27, 2016 0:36:58 GMT 8 @jamie said:

Ya know, I'm pissed because I was born with an "outie" instead of an "innie" but we have to learn to deal with it. Personally I don't mind the names so no dysphoria there for me. I am Trans. Not a big deal. I am pretty to the guys that I date. I do not date the trans curious ones. So I make sure. Same with women. So if you are curious about me go online and learn a little. I am not someone's experiment and why I believe I am not that dysphoric. I do get dysphoric sometimes but work through it. Just like in poker, we are all dealt a hand and we can either bluff, trade three different cards in the way of HRT or SRS, or just play the cards we were dealt. I just play the cards I was dealt. My choice. I decided which gave me the control. So someone may have something to say. Fuck them. Usually they are jealous, have low self esteem, scared because they may have the same feelings, and so on. Don't be mad. Everyone insecure whether or not they admit it. A lot of that insecurity may come across as anger or rage blindly. Sometimes it may come out as hate for others too.

The best anger management that I can suggest is confidence in yourself. Girl you got the look so no second guessing there. Have confidence in that. As for the bottom dysphoria, I have no idea how to deal with that because I don't have it. LOL I got a really small one. Hell that bastard seems to be in more than out. Almost like I have been on HRT for a while even though I haven't. A lot of straight girls have laughed when they saw it   but most lesbians at heart like the way I "talk" though. Even the straight girls liked the way I "talk" and could over look the "little thing". Plus being a so called boy friend and best friend that likes the same things. So no dysphoria there for me either. And no anger.

I am lazy. It takes so much more energy to be pissed off than nonchalant or happy even. This will sound like bullshit, especially when you are young but.... The more you embrace who you are and the more you get to know FlamingOrchid, the less angry you will be. Yeah I do know, it sounds like bullshit. But believe me. When I was younger I was angry a lot. I was insecure with girls, too secure with guys. Before puberty most people thought I was a girl anyway and hitting puberty pissed me off. I was often called gay. That used to piss me off because I am not gay. I am bi and was more or less a lesbian. Now I am "straight" because I like guys more than girls but am still labeled gay. I politely tell people that I am a "straight shemale" or "straight tranny" and then let them gawk. It doesn't make me mad because I figured out that society in general are nothing but ignorant idiots. This keeps me from getting angry.

I relate to this a lot.  I very much had a similar experience growing up.  Everyone thought I was a girl, and then when puberty hit they thought I was gay.  Can't say I have the same problems today, but I've been on HRT for a few years. 

It's funny, what you say about judgemental folks being the ones with the most insecurity, sometimes that feels like me.  A lot.  My self-esteem is getting better, but it's still nowhere close to my ideal.  Someday, maybe.

What you say about happiness doesn't sound like bullshit at all.  Personally, I can't wait for the day when I just don't care enough to get mad lol.

[Trinity]

I'm proud of you Flame. You reached out, you are listening, you are doing.

You are giving yourself a chance.

Thats the best thing you can do for you, for your wife to be, for me, for the forum.

This is why the forum is here, you brought out the loving gifts of folk we have. It unites us, it makes us feel good to help.

Keep reaching out, trust them, live it out.

Become a gentle warrior for Trans. Be who you are meant to be, not who you were manipulated to be in your youth.

Be beautiful, you are you know, but you cant see it.

We see it.

Keep posting. You are in good hands here.

Blessings darling.

Trinity

[Deleted]

"It's funny, what you say about judgemental folks being the ones with the most insecurity, sometimes that feels like me. A lot. My self-esteem is getting better, but it's still nowhere close to my ideal. Someday, maybe."

Ya know we have been kicked around, abused verbally, assaulted even in some cases just for being trans? That would take a hit on anyone's self esteem. These things don't necessarily have to happen to us but those like us and it bothers us.

One day when you least expect it the words will run through your mind like, "I am trans but Jesus Christ that woman is ugly!" or, "I'm trans but that guy is nothing but an asshole and prolly' has no friends because of his attitude or real friends anyway." Or even, "I am Trans but at least I take a little pride in the way I look and smell to others and treat others." Have you ever been around anyone that stank? Yes working hard or playing hard in the heat will kind of take it's toll on BO but, you know when someone stinks because they are to lazy and disrespectful to their fellow humans to bathe as compared to just getting off a hard physical job. I have while driving and running with another driver, in different trucks of course or I would have put him out.  When we got offloaded and then reloaded in Golconda NV with plastic pipe going to Cali. We pulled oversize loads to Carlin NV and when we got empty and waiting on a load I took a shower at the Truckstop. Then they found us the loads in Golconda and after went to Puckerbrush NV and took another shower. It took us a week from AR to NV because of restrictions with oversize loads and I took 5 showers and this guy took zero. Pulling flatbed you get sweaty in the summertime. So big deal. I am trans and more people had worst things to say to me about him stinking than me looking feminine.

Wow. Kind of went off the tracks there but it just goes to show that there are worst things than being trans. But maybe not because this stinky MFer hit on me while on the loads. I told him to take a bath and we'll see and he knocked on my truck door 10 minutes later and said he took a "Whore's Bath". Yeah right. In Wells NV there is a brothel and they give free showers and coffee away to drivers. They advertise on the CB. He got kicked out of there and thought I would be an easy lay. I am a little more selective than that. But the moral of the story is that there are way worst things than being trans.

Damn I got a big mouth.