Influence of Hormones on Gender Perception

[EchelonHunt]

Creating this thread on behalf of Trinity

For those who are on hormones - or heck, even those who are pre-hormones, how have they shaped your perception of your gender? Has it changed how you view yourself, your body, your gender?

Pre-HRT, my mind was chaotic, my sense of identity was in shreds, I didn't know who I was, it was a huge identity crisis. It wasn't until I found the label transgender that my identity began to form a puzzle, slowly slotting into place.

The dysphoria was rampant in all aspects of my life, I was socially awkward due to social anxiety, unable to form close connections to others because I couldn't decipher my feelings properly (being aro ace doesn't help lol).

Acquiring hormones, I could see a clearer picture of the puzzle, the corners and where everything would fit. The chaos, the self-destruction disappeared as a sense of calm washed over me. This kicked in when the menstruation stopped. It was a huge source of dysphoria as I found my mind was deeply sensitive to the hormonal shifts leading up to menstruation. I strongly believe I had premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) that was untreated, the symptoms described with that disorder mirror my experiences 100%.

Since being on hormones, the dysphoria has lessened to just the physical aspects of my body that can be changed by medical transition.

Hormones have stabilised my self-image of myself and allowed me to cope with the world, people and myself better than before. I have learned many things about myself and continue to learn new things as time goes on.

Many people would probably think that testosterone would have me become more in touch with masculinity but it has made me embrace my femininity to the fullest. Testosterone has made me feel more aligned with my internal body map as a male-bodied person, my sexuality has become more fluid than before.

How has hormones (be it HRT or your body's natural state of hormones) influenced your gender perception?

[Ativan Prescribed]

Once I figured out just how low of hormones and blockers I needed, everything smoothed out.
I tried higher doses, they just left me feeling confused, not thinking clearly.
As soon as I backed off again, I found that low dose that became the balance for me.
It's going to be different for everyone, but finding that balance is important.
Not to much, not to little,.. but a nice mental balance that should have been there to begin with.
Right now, I miss my balance, I'm going without, bad situation.
But that'll be changing hopefully soon.
I can handle it, I did most of my life, but that balancing dose is what I look forward to again.
In a couple months or so, the situation should be better.

[EchelonHunt]

I see the appeal of low-dose. Had I known how fast the regular doses had been, I would have started low dose to begin with. With how fast the changes happened, it took me a while mentally to catch up and cope with the changes that were happening.

[Ativan Prescribed]

Yep, the right balance can always change as you do.
The key is in finding, knowing what the right balance is at the time for yourself.
Low to high, finding the right dose can take time, but it's worth the effort.

[Trinity]

Thanks for starting the thread.

Overdosed puts my head into a narcotic place. And very sh'e.

High dose,...

Ya know its been such a wild ride and i'm do high on this stuff I cant even answer the question. Its always been up and crash for me, less duration on shots.

Willing to try a drop. But what is low dose...

Sitting this out but watching the thread.

[Valerie]

Hmm... Well being as I'm not on hormones, or not sures if I want to even go on them yet. Especially after Trinity's comment on my pic saying I didn't even need hormones, a few weeks ago. (Thanks you so much Trinity, you're comment still runs through my mind here and there, and makes me smile) It's definitely made me think more about it, and like I should try being more feminine and dressing, and being me with my natural body at first just to see how things work, and how I feel if I will want to go on low dose E, or not.

In all honesty right now I see myself as more internally transitioning, which I talk about with my counselor. As in this is my first and important step in my journey, rewiring my mind into being more gender neutral, and thinking, and trying to use more gender neutral words to describe me.

Which has actually changed my perception of seeing the world. Now when I look at someone I automatically thinking of "them" as to not assume their gender. Or if I catch myself thinking, "are they a boy or a girl?" But then I stop myself right there and think hey! Don't think intrusively like that because they could be neutral or more feminine or masculine identified! See what I mean? Even my typing is changing and my choice of words! I'm changing and rewiring my mind to stop thinking in our gender binary system that we're taught, and I loves it. I see everything as so much more grey area, and vast than just black/white.

Anyways, now I can only comment on how my natural hormones affect me. Which actually I find interesting to share with you, Jacey because it pertains to your comment of how T has made you embrace your feminine side more. See I've always been more on feminine side, and just I've never really been masculine much. So I don't know sometimes I'm more self intuitive with trying to figure out my emotions, I tend to be more thoughtful, more self aware, and I definitely just feel tad more inbetween, or more fem side. Although I seem to notice when I get depressive I become completely shut off to any emotions/ become numb. It's almost like I'm emotionless, and I feel nothing.

Also sexually wise I'm not as much a sexual person as I use to be in my teens, to 20 years old. Now I go like a few months without a single interest in anything sexual to being super horny for awhile, and back to like no interest whatsoever. Also, I usually always just enjoy sec waaaaayyyy more if I'm romantically involved with someone. If it's just a hook up, fwbs thing it's more just physical getting off and feel good. But when I'm romantically involved with someone it's like I'm fully 100% into it, and it's like the best ever! Like sex with my ex was always mind lovingly amazing, and he was first person I loved. Ever since him, I've never had that feeling again with others.

Sometimes I'd wonder what my natural T levels are at, and if mine are lower, but I get super hairy! Like my facial/body hair grows back quick. Idk if that just has to do with hormones, or my ethnicity (I'm Italian, French, German, Irish, Scottish, & English) who knows really? I just notice I'm a lot more of an emotionally person. These are just my observations of me as a person with my natural body.

I honestly don't know what I'd expect from hormones if I ever decided on going on them. I know physically what would happen, and getting a more androgynousfem body would be my expectation of going on hormones, but I don't know what would change of me emotionally, psychologically, or personality wise. I also recognize I don't need hormones, or any physical transition for my gender to be valid. It'd be more like just to feel comfortable in my body. But like I said I'm more of working on internally transitioning, and I'll see down the road if I want low dose hormones or not.

[Trinity]

Prior to HRT my libido was really high. So were anxiety and depression.

I move into the ts spectrum, then back into nb. And there are different reasons for that.

2 years with i suspect 0 t. Now we want to have that up a tiny bit. Im nervous. Will fetishistic impulses rise up? How will it change?

Dunno. We should find out soon enough though.

I want the blended comfort. The fluid social and the ts body without surgery.

We shall see.

[Deleted]

I don't know. I am not on hormones. Personally I believe I am just messed up, mentally and physically. I got out of the shower the other day and was cooling off a little and sitting in a chair with my hair wrapped in a towel. I looked down and holy crap. I actually measured and less than 1/2 an inch. I really think that I am a freak of nature. I don't believe I'm intersex but now I know why a lot of girls in my younger days laughed until they figured the tounge could do a better job.

Pheromones may have been why a lot of gay guys and guys in general have been drawn to me. Just remember it isn't just hormones that make a man or woman but pheromones too that tends to draw the opposite sex toward one another. I really don't know why I'm like I am. I have been putting up with this shit for 40 some odd years. It seems like guys are drawn to me, even straight guys even though they really don't know why, than women unless they are lesbian or more masculine thinking. Shit my ex called all the shots. Kind of fucked up really but just another brick in the wall.

That is why I say there are a lot more of us out there but most won't admit it. My ex was one.

Personally I believe that hormones play a big part whether prescribed or not and just like me being a freak of nature. But I will take it though. Maybe God did answer my prayers all those nights before I reached puberty. Who cares. I feel like me and natural. I do believe if I ever took hormones, I think it may be too much for me. Hell I'm such a sissy now.  Anymore then... I don't know what would happen. I would be scared. Hell I'm in tears writing this even. Taking Estrogen would probably make me more of a basket case than I am now.

[Deleted]

May 18, 2016 0:23:39 GMT 8 Trinity said:

Thanks for starting the thread.

Overdosed puts my head into a narcotic place. And very sh'e.

High dose,...

Ya know its been such a wild ride and i'm do high on this stuff I cant even answer the question. Its always been up and crash for me, less duration on shots.

Willing to try a drop. But what is low dose...

Sitting this out but watching the thread.

That kind of worries me Trin. I don't even take HRT but I do get comfort from my femininity. Yes when the wind blows my nipples get hard so I have to either wear a bra or pasties. I can sort of hide the breast fat but the nips???? They are too obvious in a t-shirt. Even the scraping of the fabric across them and KA-BOING.

Yeah being feminine is a high but shouldn't be addictive. It should eventually start feeling "normal". Like anything else you can only get so high or a feeling of normalcy and then figure that out and stop.

Take it from a druggy, you can only go so far and any farther will do nothing but harm you.

Never push it over the edge and you are talking to a rocker that has done pretty much everything. A good time and feeling good is not bad. Pushing it to get higher is not a good thing. I have no problem with drugs or anyone that does drugs but if you have an addictive personality then you need to be really careful. You can even OD on Nicotine and Caffeine.

[Trinity]

So after the spike i can say...yes. It affects my gender perception.

It feels good to be back in the groove again.

Sooo... Hormones have some kick, do ya think?

Lol

[kdkorz10211]

I wish my changes would come a lot faster. In a week I'll be a year into HRT and for the most part I look no different. I feel no different. I'm slightly fuzzier, my voice is marginally lower, and my clit is somewhat bigger. But I still read totally female, my voice is not where I'd like it to be, and I don't have facial hair yet. I feel like I'm dying waiting for my physical form to catch up to my mental state.