Tired of People

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I had a bit of chat with my son on Skype this morning, and he told me something he hadn't mentioned before. Now I'm the insecure type, a real worrier. Hardly surprising, given my background.

But I do worry about my son.  He's 29 now, and he's had some hard times for 7-8 years now.  He lost one job, mainly through a bit of carelessness on his part, though if the management had handled the situation differently he could have escaped with a severe reprimand.  After that, he was unemployed for a couple of years, then landed a job which could have been very good for him.  It was right up his alley and paid fairly well and he could have enjoyed it--except that the boss was one of those with a serious personality problem that he insists on inflicting on his staff.  He's one of those who goes out of his way to make people unhappy.

That's the way it is when unemployment is high: bosses have a lot of power over their staff, and here in Ireland a lot of them are taking full advantage of it.

Anyway, my son got laid off that job temporarily, then got taken back on part time (for less pay than he'd been getting originally), then eventually went back to full time.  Then he got another offer that he thought might be better, so he took that.  Turned out it was worse, and he got tossed out along with several other staff.  He got a bit lucky at that point: his former boss took him back full-time since he needed help.

A few months ago my son got another offer which genuinely appeared to be better.  So he took it and was delighted to be leaving the old job.  Now I happen to know a fellow who happens to know the big boss at that place, and he told me that the big boss is a genuinely nice guy.  So I thought I could relax: this would be a chance for my son to settle into a decent job--because he is a smart guy and can do a good job if a boss will allow him to.

But what my son was telling me this morning was that the big boss has little to do with the staff.  He's got other fish to fry.  He leaves staff to the department heads, and my son's department head turns out to be as nasty as any boss in the land.  My son tells me that nobody trusts him.  It appears he thinks nothing of tossing people out.

And I'm really tired of people now--at least those people who love using the power they have to make others unnecessarily unhappy.  And I'm worried again, because my son simply can't afford to lose another job at this point.  I asked him if he'd given the department head any reason to complain, and he said no but that that didn't matter.

So there it is.  I despair.  I'm tired of people.

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Sorry Foxglove. Sorry for your son too. And the main reason I always did jobs that was on my own or that I was in charge of if you could call those jobs though. More like making a little money with a hobby. People have a knack for knowing everything even if they don't and one reason I don't work well with others. I can play well with others but don't work well with others. I used to get really tired of people too when I drove for a living. Everyone has some idea that you can go from California to New York in two days. Yeah at a hundred miles per hour with no stopping. Not to mention federal laws that a driver has to follow especially now with new federal guidelines. Too many people have seen the Smokey and the Bandit movies. I could tell them within an hour's window when I could legally be at my destination and always heard, "You can't get here any sooner?"  Ugh talk to the brokers and the company about that because if I take a chance of paying high fines it will cost a little more money, usually more than what they are wanting to spend. If I had to break laws then it was a minimum for me and me alone paid cash when it got there 3 dollars per mile at the nearest truckstop to their place of business or the load would have to catch up with me. I charged this on top of what the company charged them or the broker paid the company.

But people can be real asses sometimes and there is no need for it. I used to get so tired of dealing with people. Before I wizened up, a broker offered to pay me 50 dollars to pickup late and stay in northern California overnight and pick the rest of the load up the next morning. I guess she thought I and the person that bought the office furniture  were idiots. Hell he flew to California. We talked and he asked how much I was getting paid to layover until the next morning. I told him 50 dollars, but the broker was charging him 200 for me to layover. He came out paying half and I came out making double. The broker had a shit fit when I told her that I waved the layover fee. I wonder why?  She showed her true colors and was cussing me and she also showed her idiocy too when I told her I would never pull another one of her loads and would dead head all the way across the country if nothing or her loads were available. She told me good luck paying for the gas. She really got pissed when I laughed at her and told her that I wouldn't spend 1 cent on gas because bigtrucks run on diesel. And then I called her an idiot and of course she hung up on me. And then she called in on me and the company that I was leased on with liked me and backed me up. Because t hey were getting screwed too. Ended up she never told them about a layover. So yeah I used to really get so freaking tired of people. This is just one out of hundreds of times that someone tried to screw me out of money to pad their own pockets. Unfortunately I have been screwed a lot of times but never did any screwing. If they agreed to pay me the extra it would get there within reason with fuelstops, shower stops and stops enough to use the restroom. Other than that I would drive 48 hours or more straight. But for your son, it is a dog eat dog world out there. But in his case with the new job the big boss has the ultimate decision. I don't believe in kissing ass but if he can make friends with the big boss then the little one really would have to find a real legitimate reason to get rid of him. It's not kissing ass if you really can be friends with one another. Hell you can even stick up for other people.

[Deleted]

Yeah, Jamie. We've haven't talked in depth about this yet because we didn't have much time this morning. Obviously one good move would be to get in the big boss's good books. But apparently he has little contact with the staff. So I don't know what the chances are of getting friendly with him. My son and I will have to talk about it more.

My first thought was an anonymous letter to the big boss about what the department head gets up to. But that's the kind of thing you want to be very, very careful about. And you have to have nerves of steel--so that you can plausibly deny that you were the one who wrote it.

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Mar 7, 2015 3:57:52 GMT 8 @foxglove said:

Yeah, Jamie. We've haven't talked in depth about this yet because we didn't have much time this morning. Obviously one good move would be to get in the big boss's good books. But apparently he has little contact with the staff. So I don't know what the chances are of getting friendly with him. My son and I will have to talk about it more.

My first thought was an anonymous letter to the big boss about what the department head gets up to. But that's the kind of thing you want to be very, very careful about. And you have to have nerves of steel--so that you can plausibly deny that you were the one who wrote it.

Oh Foxglove as much as you want to help. This is definitely something he has to do on his own. OK so this is borderline kissing ass, but not really because if it goes south then he can leave it and if his supervisor is an asshole anyway.... It's probably gonna' come if he don't have enough brown on his nose form his immediate supervisor. OMG this is gonna' be more detective than stalking but could be considered stalking too. But not really. All your son has to do is find out what bars his boss frequents. Whatever else. Then strike up a conversation. This is CYA stuff. I will kiss no one's ass. But the thing about me and some of the people that have been over me we had a lot more in common than different. For the record I never kissed ass. But when I owned my trucks and leased on with a certain company, me and the safety man had more in common than different. Most other drivers hated him. I didn't because this MF was wild. We could talk guitar and drink wine all night long. He was cis so he had a wife. We could play guitar all night even. Actually I taught him somewhat how to play. And after enough drinks just listen to the "good stuff". OMG he even knew I was trans. He and his wife even tried to introduce me to some guys and girls that were into trans. My dispatcher the same thing. He was cis with a little bi in him but we were nothing more than friends. A couple of weekends I would call him and tell him I was laid over at the yard. 30 minutes later I would hear a honk. What a sweetheart though. He would give me his bed and he would sleep on the sofa. I even introduced him to another driver that was bi and as far as I know they are still together. I was kind of lucky that some of the people that I worked with accepted me and weren't idiots too much to see who I was.

Yeah but you don't need to write anything. Foxglove. As much as we want to protect and give them the best chance they can have, eventually it has to be totally up to them and not us. Sink or swim hon. That is all we can do is teach them to swim on their own. Besides to them it is so much more rewardable that they made it on their own. People do suck but people are people and any person in their right frame of mind would rather have friends than ass kissers that work for them. I own several trucks and tell the drivers if you wanna' kiss my ass you better buy me breakfast at least. And at least be a little bi if you are cute and never tell my boyfriend. Unless you wanna' be gator bait.  But seriously though. I am their boss, you tell me straight and I will tell you straight. I do give them a lot of leeway though because less than five years I don't really want them driving my trucks. I do treat them fair. And in a case like what I said earlier they will give me 25%. Not because I ask for it but tell them to get all they can and if you want to donate to the person that writes your checks then.... More than a few times I let them keep it all. But I know how it is. Yeah I know it just sounds like a bunch of BS talking and so on. But.....

Your son need to understand his ultimate boss is the final word. The more he can identify with him and his boss identify with your son, then your son has it made. It is not kissing ass. It is not as much being friends because this one person is the boss. It is more about mutual respect and friendship. You son gets that he will go far with this company. But never do it for the BS involved but actually the point that he and his boss can be friends. The third to the last company I leased my trucks on with, the owner, his wife, his daughter and her husband and the safety man and the old safety man that would consult them would invite me. Oh yeah it was fun and they were all my friends but they wanted me because I knew what was going on out there and how to get around it. BTW when your boss asks you how to do logbooks, then you know you got it made. When the safety man wants to stay at the yard all night asking you questions then you got the upper hand. OMG If I wanted to move to the Great White North and some hellacious below temps I could be the safety "Queen".

I don't know what your son does but the better he is at it the better chance he has to make it. You don't have to "sell your soul" in the way of kissing ass to make it. Just be the very best of what you do.

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Oh, yeah, I know. It's up to him. No, I have no plans to intervene myself. For one thing, I don't know nearly enough about the situation. But he's old enough to go about things in his own way.

And by the way, Jamie, I can't imagine you ever kissing anybody's ass. Biting a big hunk out of it, that I could see.

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It hurts when all you can do is give advice, and what you instinctive want to do is go in and fix it.

Monday we go to the union to try to stop my wife from being fired. It is her coworkers that set that up. The firing. They told her to her face they want to bring in a guy instead, to lift boxes, now that she can't because they assaulted her.

The problem is bad, the anger extreme..
I don't understand why people get off on hurting those who can.

I'm seeing red Foxy, I'm so pissed off.

So, you and me both.

I could lose her insurance and my house.. I have never been this angry or this tempted to get physical. I won't, but I feel like I did as a kid when I almost killed another one for calling me a faggot one too many times.

Breathe...

You hang in there.

We will too. Without hurting someone for hurting us.

Politics laced with venom. People that are snakes.

Wheat and tare.

So, we need to be wise, supporting, and very strong.

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It seems that society in general has moved several years ago away from the "Ozzie & Harriet" and "Leave it to Beaver" mentality some of which could be attributed to a switch to more violent films and viewing fare, and I think the 24 hour news cycle and all the world violence has added a more cautionary edge to some of the formerly most gentle types of people. We've come to the place where people the world over are just plain meaner and colder to one another and much more ego centric than even just twenty years ago.

[Deleted]

Yup.

Just got off phone with the union boss for the wife.

Game over, she's done.

She goes on unpaid medical leave, loses insurance in six weeks.

One do or closes.

New paths to find.

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Mar 9, 2015 5:28:54 GMT 8 Trinity said:

Yup.

Just got off phone with the union boss for the wife.

Game over, she's done.

She goes on unpaid medical leave, loses insurance in six weeks.

One do or closes.

New paths to find.

That's so unfortunate, sorry for you two because you both already have too much stress in your lives.

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Mar 9, 2015 6:38:00 GMT 8 Shan said:

Mar 9, 2015 5:28:54 GMT 8 Trinity said:

Yup.

Just got off phone with the union boss for the wife.

Game over, she's done.

She goes on unpaid medical leave, loses insurance in six weeks.

One do or closes.

New paths to find.

That's so unfortunate, sorry for you two because you both already have too much stress in your lives.

God always levels the scales.

Night is over, dawn is coming.

Thanks Shantel

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Mar 9, 2015 8:08:09 GMT 8 @julieblair said:

Mar 9, 2015 8:01:14 GMT 8 Trinity said:

God always levels the scales.

Night is over, dawn is coming.

Thanks Shantel

What Shan said.  I'm a little disturbed, probably a good thing I'm far away. Too big a mouth on me.  Hugs

I dont wanna derail the thread.  However, now that we have a plan, I hope, we can avoid the firing, get her on unpaid medical leave, save 6 weeks of insurance payments, get rid of her hernia, and stop the abuse.  She was going to be fired for failing to lift 30 pounds, but she has a real hernia, and its why she cannot lift.  That puts her under the family leave act.  And I doubt she will ever be able to lift that again anyway.  Too tiny, little thing.
 
We know how to live poor, when I told the kids they laughed, and said, Dad, if we lived in an attic sleeping in a pile together for 3 months hiding from the bad guys, dont you think we can handle  this?

The fear and ruminating had taken her to the edge, it was BAD, and now,  there is a sense of relief, and certain knowledge that something better will be provided to Gods little girl.

To say I am angry is a gross understatement, what I want to say and do cannot be said.  I wont do it either, no retaliation.

But there is rage.  I refuse to fall to their level.  She will find somewhere that she is welcome, like helping aging diabetics, helping the elderly, loving them up, maybe getting a job with Visiting Angels.

Instead of the damned spiders she worked with.   I am tempted to name  them, I wont eat them, but I think dread fairy would, so I'll shut up.  There are better ways, and rest assured, payback will be a bitch for them, but not at my hands.

[Deleted]

If all else fails she can borrow my favorite visual commentary which is this:

[Deleted]

Companies, corporations, unions and just people in general can be asses. That is the main reason when I drove for companies, I drove for small companies. I was someone and not an employee number or just a truck number. When I bought my truck I leased it on with small companies, again a name and not a number.  I tried being a union driver and I found out real quick that that wasn't for me. Driving I could always quit one job and the next day be in orientation for another.

But Trinity, they aren't going to let your wife heal? That is really unusually cold on their part.