Post by Deleted on Mar 4, 2015 4:11:50 GMT 8
My friend Xia (agender) received a couple of anonymous questions on their Tumblr, and the answers they gave are so perfect. I read it all to my house mate Ricky, and he said it really helped him better understand what transgender is all about. Here's what they said:
God, I love their brain. If I ever go to Berlin we are totally hanging out.
Question #1: I'm still confused about gender, like how do you differentiate between male and female, and all other genders? I don't see the point of different genders.
Answer: Again, you just take what people tell you. If you don’t know (which you never can unless they personally tell you), you ask. It’s always best to ask people about what pronouns they prefer. If you ask in a polite, respectful manner not even a cis person will be mad at you. What your personal opinion on gender is does not matter. Everyone defines it for themselves that is why you absolutely must accept whatever the person in question is telling you. You don’t have to see a point in different genders but you’ve got to have enough respect of another human being to accept whatever they tell you. It is their body, it is their identity. What you think about it has nothing to do with how they personally define themselves. What you might perceive as “typically female” might be the absolute opposite for anyone else, so it’s useless to think of ways of how to identify and label people from afar, because ultimately you’re putting a stamp on them without their consent if you try to sneak your way through instead of just asking.
It’s a question of live and let live, of accepting other maybe even estranging points of views. It’s not a matter than can be argued, because it’s personal. And it’s not that difficult.
Question #2: Ok so I've been thinking... Isn't the only reason being trans exists is because of gender roles? Like men are expected to be 'men' and if a penis possessing person does what isn't considered 'manly' they are trans...?
Answer: So what you are saying is that a drag queen is not a real man? How do you define being a man then? Or a woman? Our perception of what it means to be a man or woman is out-dated and fabricated by whoever has a benefit out of it (That predominantly being governmental institutions, media, authorities and, well, white cis-males). And it’s all contradicting bullshit. I could make an endless list of contradicting examples for statements of what is supposed to be “manly” or “girly” and what not. The topic of what is generally perceived as masculine and feminine has also changed drastically over the centuries and is changing even now. So, you see, behavioural categorisation is as ambivalent and ridiculous as arguing over the stupid fucking color of a dress nobody actually cares about.
So if neither behaviour nor physic or appearance define gender, what does? The answer is simple: You.
From a personal view point: What gender you’re comfortable with doesn’t depend on how you choose to present yourself or how you act or what you wear or anything of what you let others see. Much rather it’s based on a feeling that you just have inside of you. And I think that is what and why most cis people can’t grasp this concept. Everything about them feels right since the day they are born but for a transgender person it just doesn’t. There’s something that just doesn’t rhyme and sometimes it takes a while to figure it out but the key point lies in an emotion. It’s a feeling and it has nothing to do with anything else. What you like or dislike and how you act are not things that you choose, it’s just you. And so is your gender. You don’t choose it. It’s just a part of you that more and more people are learning to embrace. If you’re unable to express that part of you, though, it’s as if you’re not yourself, incomplete, an unfinished puzzle stuck with the last piece.
That is why only you yourself can tell your gender. It’s just a feeling and it’s a feeling we all have, cis or not. You just feel the empowerment of being fully and unrestrictedly who you are. And this is why being trans has nothing to do with gender roles or society or any other outer influences. It’s something you carry inside of you and only you can know.
Answer: Again, you just take what people tell you. If you don’t know (which you never can unless they personally tell you), you ask. It’s always best to ask people about what pronouns they prefer. If you ask in a polite, respectful manner not even a cis person will be mad at you. What your personal opinion on gender is does not matter. Everyone defines it for themselves that is why you absolutely must accept whatever the person in question is telling you. You don’t have to see a point in different genders but you’ve got to have enough respect of another human being to accept whatever they tell you. It is their body, it is their identity. What you think about it has nothing to do with how they personally define themselves. What you might perceive as “typically female” might be the absolute opposite for anyone else, so it’s useless to think of ways of how to identify and label people from afar, because ultimately you’re putting a stamp on them without their consent if you try to sneak your way through instead of just asking.
It’s a question of live and let live, of accepting other maybe even estranging points of views. It’s not a matter than can be argued, because it’s personal. And it’s not that difficult.
Question #2: Ok so I've been thinking... Isn't the only reason being trans exists is because of gender roles? Like men are expected to be 'men' and if a penis possessing person does what isn't considered 'manly' they are trans...?
Answer: So what you are saying is that a drag queen is not a real man? How do you define being a man then? Or a woman? Our perception of what it means to be a man or woman is out-dated and fabricated by whoever has a benefit out of it (That predominantly being governmental institutions, media, authorities and, well, white cis-males). And it’s all contradicting bullshit. I could make an endless list of contradicting examples for statements of what is supposed to be “manly” or “girly” and what not. The topic of what is generally perceived as masculine and feminine has also changed drastically over the centuries and is changing even now. So, you see, behavioural categorisation is as ambivalent and ridiculous as arguing over the stupid fucking color of a dress nobody actually cares about.
So if neither behaviour nor physic or appearance define gender, what does? The answer is simple: You.
From a personal view point: What gender you’re comfortable with doesn’t depend on how you choose to present yourself or how you act or what you wear or anything of what you let others see. Much rather it’s based on a feeling that you just have inside of you. And I think that is what and why most cis people can’t grasp this concept. Everything about them feels right since the day they are born but for a transgender person it just doesn’t. There’s something that just doesn’t rhyme and sometimes it takes a while to figure it out but the key point lies in an emotion. It’s a feeling and it has nothing to do with anything else. What you like or dislike and how you act are not things that you choose, it’s just you. And so is your gender. You don’t choose it. It’s just a part of you that more and more people are learning to embrace. If you’re unable to express that part of you, though, it’s as if you’re not yourself, incomplete, an unfinished puzzle stuck with the last piece.
That is why only you yourself can tell your gender. It’s just a feeling and it’s a feeling we all have, cis or not. You just feel the empowerment of being fully and unrestrictedly who you are. And this is why being trans has nothing to do with gender roles or society or any other outer influences. It’s something you carry inside of you and only you can know.