"Love and Support"

[Deleted]

Friends and family will proclaim their love and support, but no one lifts a finger or seeks my company. Nobody seems to understand how depressing that is. I don't need therapy, I need friends. Real-time friends. Or maybe I'm craving what I've been trying to convince myself I don't need: a relationship. All I know is that I feel like I'm on my own with everything. It's not just about transition, but in general. I'm lonely, and I don't know how to fix it. I try to keep myself distracted with my writing, or playing in Photoshop, or watching lectures and documentaries, but then these moments happen where I just feel like nobody gives a shit so why should I?

My OCO friends will say to call them, but talking about this stuff out loud only stresses me out more. I need a BFF. One day I think I have one, and then they're gone. I'm so tired of this.

[Laura J]

You're topic really hits home.

I long for someone similar.
I think many of us are.?

Love never seems to make one feel really loved unless they are right there with us.? We may honestly love one another across the virtual miles, but it feels far from enough when physical contact is needed. Writing "hugs" is not the same as getting one from a real human being.

I always know though, that with so many looking for the same thing, its only a matter of time when that right person crosses our path.

[Deleted]

I also wish I had somewhere else to live. I'm tired of the unannounced gatherings that happen and go on until 3am, and the surprise sleepovers of someone I don't know. The only reason I'm here is because it only costs me $200 a month. I need to share a place with someone my age or older who doesn't live like they just turned 21.

[Deleted]

Feb 21, 2015 18:23:37 GMT 8 Laura J said:

Writing "hugs" is not the same as getting one from a real human being.

I posted an article on FB about how loneliness is not a healthy state of being. My house mate Erica writes "Hug." Okay... thanks for the sentiment from only a few steps away. WTF is wrong with people??

[Deleted]

Different but similar.

Was a dream that got me out of it, and a phone call.

Desperation prayers, looking at old skills. Staying in that dangerous apartment.

Wired in, back then, like you are, white, or just psychic.

There was a plan, it wasn't mine.

The chance came, I took it, life changed.

Think, pray, pay attention to dreams, intuition.

Let it play.

Trinity

[Deleted]

Feb 21, 2015 20:56:45 GMT 8 Trinity said:

Different but similar.

Was a dream that got me out of it, and a phone call.

Desperation prayers, looking at old skills. Staying in that dangerous apartment.

Wired in, back then, like you are, white, or just psychic.

There was a plan, it wasn't mine.

The chance came, I took it, life changed.

Think, pray, pay attention to dreams, intuition.

Let it play.

Trinity

Whatever the emotions are screaming at you, or whatever logic is trying to force upon you, intuition is where the clarity is; and each person's intuition is for them only. It can lead one person away from one thing while leading another person directly to it. We're all on our own individual orbit, or "True Will".

Intuition tells me that despite the things that bother me about living here, this is just where I'm supposed to be right now. If I wasn't then that opportunity would have opened up to me already. It also tells me that I still have a bit more suffering to endure, and to not waste energy fussing about it too much.

I'm reminded of what I tell people when they have to drive from Houston all the way to Plantersville to the Texas Renaissance Festival: just when you think you've gone too far, go a little further and you'll see the exit.

Oh, I hate every minute of it, though; but I have to turn everything back inwards and — as they say — find my center. In fact, this is what happens when I stop focusing on my spiritual studies. One of my favorite manuscripts to read over (and it never gets old) is the A∴ A∴ document called Liber Librae (The Book of the Balance) —

  "Thou then, who hast trials and troubles, rejoice because of them, for in
  them is Strength, and by their means is a pathway opened unto that Light."

hermetic.com/crowley/libers/lib30.html

And this quote:

  "We are not to calculate, to argue, to criticise; these things lead to division of
  will and to stagnation. They are shackles of our Going. They hamstring our
  Pegasus. We are to rise up – to Go – to Love – we are to be awake, alert.”

Basically, be steadfast and resilient and do not stray, because that is when obstacles arise. Let Love be the foundation upon which the Will resides. My low points in life never stay low, because there's higher purpose involved. When you know that then you can always bounce back from anything. We're still human, though, and we're going to feel the burn and the pressure. It all comes down to what you decide to do from there.

[Deleted]

Bullseye.

Trust your core. You know, deep in there.

:-)

[Edge]

It's the same with me.
This past week, my friends kept talking about a dinner they were organizing. I wasn't invited. Not until I pointed that out anyway.
They talked about a movie they wanted to go see. I wasn't invited.
On my birthday, I bet you anything I will get "Happy birthdays" on facebook from extended family, old friends, and people who used to call themselves my close friends. None of them will even go to the trouble of saying "Hi" to me same as they haven't for the past months and years.
I feel like I'm always seeking other people's company, but they aren't seeking mine.
My current friends are better about this than people in the past, but I still wish people would reach out to me more.

[Ativan Prescribed]

Always looking. Seems like there was always someone, somewhere.
But the opportunities just don't come up where I live.
Trying to get out more, but hate this stinkin winter that started a month early.
This spring through fall will be getting out more, a lot more.
Seems like more than a few of us are looking.
I can't afford to travel, any extra money this year will go towards doing things that hopefully I'll meet more people.
It gets worse, this feeling of loneliness, each year.

[Deleted]

Warmest hugs and deepest affections dear Ativan.

Love from Trin.

[Deleted]

Feb 21, 2015 23:37:21 GMT 8 Edge said:

It's the same with me.
This past week, my friends kept talking about a dinner they were organizing. I wasn't invited. Not until I pointed that out anyway.
They talked about a movie they wanted to go see. I wasn't invited.
On my birthday, I bet you anything I will get "Happy birthdays" on facebook from extended family, old friends, and people who used to call themselves my close friends. None of them will even go to the trouble of saying "Hi" to me same as they haven't for the past months and years.
I feel like I'm always seeking other people's company, but they aren't seeking mine.
My current friends are better about this than people in the past, but I still wish people would reach out to me more.

Maybe it's really time to find better friends Edge. You shouldn't have to point it out to them.

BTW I am going to look in your profile for your birthday and will wish you a happy one. If not and I actually miss the day then happy birthday every day.  Sometimes I do go a couple of days without logging on.

Hi Edge. I'm not on face book but will say it here.

But hon, people sometimes suck and are way to insensitive. I really hate social media like Facebook. I like here but that is different because we all share something in common.

[Edge]

It's April Fool's Day. Pretty fitting.
They do this when I am there in person.

[Deleted]

Mar 5, 2015 23:42:35 GMT 8 Edge said:

It's April Fool's Day. Pretty fitting.
They do this when I am there in person.

Yeah. I checked your profile to find out and made a mental note. Now if I can keep my mentality intact for another month.

But that is a cool day to have been born on.

But if they do that in front of you that is kind of messed up not to mention extremely rude.

[LivingTheDream]

Feb 21, 2015 23:37:21 GMT 8 Edge said:

It's the same with me.
This past week, my friends kept talking about a dinner they were organizing. I wasn't invited. Not until I pointed that out anyway.
They talked about a movie they wanted to go see. I wasn't invited.
On my birthday, I bet you anything I will get "Happy birthdays" on facebook from extended family, old friends, and people who used to call themselves my close friends. None of them will even go to the trouble of saying "Hi" to me same as they haven't for the past months and years.
I feel like I'm always seeking other people's company, but they aren't seeking mine.
My current friends are better about this than people in the past, but I still wish people would reach out to me more.

That is my situation in a nutshell as well. I feel like I always am calling people up to get together again or sending text msgs to catch up and stuff. When I do this, we'll talk or hang out usually but it never happens to me and ya, hurts. Makes me feel unlikeable, like they're just doing me a favor by talking/hanging out with me. Its basically like that for everyone with me

[Deleted]

Mar 6, 2015 4:16:11 GMT 8 LivingTheDream said:

Feb 21, 2015 23:37:21 GMT 8 Edge said:

It's the same with me.
This past week, my friends kept talking about a dinner they were organizing. I wasn't invited. Not until I pointed that out anyway.
They talked about a movie they wanted to go see. I wasn't invited.
On my birthday, I bet you anything I will get "Happy birthdays" on facebook from extended family, old friends, and people who used to call themselves my close friends. None of them will even go to the trouble of saying "Hi" to me same as they haven't for the past months and years.
I feel like I'm always seeking other people's company, but they aren't seeking mine.
My current friends are better about this than people in the past, but I still wish people would reach out to me more.

That is my situation in a nutshell as well. I feel like I always am calling people up to get together again or sending text msgs to catch up and stuff. When I do this, we'll talk or hang out usually but it never happens to me and ya, hurts. Makes me feel unlikeable, like they're just doing me a favor by talking/hanging out with me. Its basically like that for everyone with me

OK I really don't know exactly how to put this and LTD and Edge, please don't take it personally. It is time to find real friends. Get out, meet people other than those that are just there. Personally I would tell the to go "F" themselves and would cease all converastions with them. If they are your real friends and they believe that you don't want to be friends with them then they may see things differently. Don't bet on it though. Get out. Get out and go to places that you know you will be accepted and there you will find real friends. If "friends" are excluding you then they are not your real friends so don't be theirs. Don't be their little token trans friend so they can say they are openminded and accepting when it is convenient for them or makes them look good. Yes I have been through this myself. I did just what I told ya'll to do. It all changed but screw them. Then I started getting called and invites and I did the same thing to them as they did to me and dismissed it. Hell I already had a real group of friends when they figured it out. Don't let anyone treat you like crap or use you for thier own self image and so on. If they can;t swim, let 'em sink.