I can understand that. My family was/is racist, too, against other races, (amazing how people who have had people be racist towards them, can still be racist in the same exact ways towards other people and not see the problem with it, isn't it?) and I had to learn a lot, myself.
My husband was very sheltered, probably similar to you, with a very racist, homophobic, etc family. Pretty sure he never thought he'd end up married to a queer, trans/nb Asian!! LOL. So he had to learn some things, too.
I think we all do, since society treats these things as normal.
What's important, though, is a willingness to learn.
I'm used to being stuck in the house, to a degree. I've never had my driver's license or anything. So I still rely on other people to take me anywhere, even thought I'm 27. I'm working on that, though..! Slowly getting used to driving.
But, I have to go into the barn to do laundry and stuff, and generally either her or her boyfriend, who I don't care for either, are in there. It makes me not want to go outside at all because I really don't feel like dealing with them.
Last time I saw her, she told me that we "need to talk." Then, instead of apologizing and admitting that she did anything wrong at all, she tried to guilt me by saying "I've always tried to be a good sister to you. I always respected your decisions (What is that supposed to mean, anyway? I wasn't aware that any of my decisions ever affected her in a way that she should have anything to say about them to begin with? She talks down to me like she's my parent, despite the fact that I am 9 years older than her and she is barely 18.) and I've never said anything bad about -your husband-. (So apparently I'm not allowed to call her boyfriend out for yelling "N*****" out of his car window every time he drives past a black person? Somehow she thinks that me saying that's not okay means I am talking shit about him? And she tried to be like "Oh he's just joking, -your husband- probably does the same thing!" No. No, he doesn't.)"
And then after her little speech where she attempted to make me feel bad for even thinking about being upset with her, she then acted like she was going to cry because I didn't immediately forgive her... despite no apology, and entirely just trying to guilt me... she says "Oh forget it!" and stomps away.
And now she's coming over all the time, getting in my way, pretending to help my mom with the horses... despite the fact that she never helped out when she lived here and I always had to cover for her part, because she always had some lie of an excuse for why she couldn't do it that day. And then she would disappear without even asking if I could do it for her, meaning that I HAD to do it or the horses wouldn't get fed or cared for. But now that I'm mad at her, she suddenly cares about them.
This is after she pissed us all off for beating one of the horses so badly it could barely walk anymore and had to spend months in it's stall until it could walk without falling over, and had blood everywhere... all over the trailer, the ground. Gashes all up it's legs and one on it's forehead so deep and wide, the skullbone was easily visible. And instead of apologizing for THAT, she blamed the horse... saying that, if the horse would have just listened, she wouldn't have had to beat it so bad. Which is why she doesn't live here, anymore. Not because my mom and step-dad kicked her out (although they had every right to!) but because she couldn't believe everyone was mad at her for that, so she stormed out.
Oh, and the reason she beat the horse? Because she was trying to sell it, for her own gain, without my mom's knowledge or permission despite the fact that it's my mom's horse and my sister has her own horses. So she tried to load the horse into the trailer to take it to the buyer, while my mom wasn't home, and the horse was too scared to get on the trailer.
But she thought it was unfair that everyone was mad at her.
(That was months ago, I'm upset with her for something different. But she still never apologized to anyone for the thing with the horse, either.)
Her presence is starting to feel like our manipulative, abusive sperm-donor's presence felt to me. She acts more and more like him every year. This kind of stuff makes it hard to keep my sanity. But we're stuck here for a while...
Anyway, sorry for taking over the thread and completely changing the subject. And ranting. lol. I thought I was handling this stupid situation better than I am.
I need a nice vacation... already paid for, of course, so I don't have to worry about the money.
Or I just need somewhere else to live!
I am always willing to learn new things.
I am always willing to learn new things.
Or I just need somewhere else to live!