Coming out to my Grandmother today...

[LivingTheDream]

Feb 7, 2015 23:49:49 GMT 8 Shan said:

Arin,
    You've done the best you can so far, the ball is in her side of the court now. One comment I'd like to make, and it's just my own personal take on pronouns and gender, especially when it comes to older people, I wouldn't cut off a relationship if they don't refer to you with the correct pronouns or proper gender. They have known us for decades as Joe or Nancy, as a little boy or girl, I'll give them a pass due to age and years of conditioning if they are unable to turn the corner rather than just cut them off entirely. I'd rather put up with their forgetfulness than be a part of this throw away society. 

I agree with that. I visit my uncle a few times a year, talk to him a bunch on the phone, he frequently accidentally calls me my brothers name lol. I imagine the he will mess up that a bunch too when the time comes.

[Deleted]

Brave Arin.

None of my family or friends pronoun me female. Since I am nb I don't care. Fuzzy did it right here though.

My 85 year old mom doesn't know, she knows I take meds for DES. Yeah...

My dad knows and I came out a little at a time.

My wife, a Pentecostal Christian, we sleep entwined. No secrets, but I hide Satinjoy presentation from her physically.

They can only handle what they can handle.

Kids, one accepting, one took a couple years and gets it, that's fuzzy, one can't handle it well, I have to really watch it around her.

Their programming.

Change is slow.

It's all good. Yes we want acceptance and love. I want love over acceptance, that will come in time, cause of love.

Love them arin.

Even pronouns can change over time.

Easy, not. I'm with Shan here.

I give what they can handle, no more.

I believe that is the way of wisdom.

And wisdom is arin s way.

Unless my wisdom is folly.

You know, in your heart.

Follow your heart.

Trinity Satin Joy

[Deleted]

Feb 7, 2015 23:49:49 GMT 8 Shan said:

Arin,
    You've done the best you can so far, the ball is in her side of the court now. One comment I'd like to make, and it's just my own personal take on pronouns and gender, especially when it comes to older people, I wouldn't cut off a relationship if they don't refer to you with the correct pronouns or proper gender. They have known us for decades as Joe or Nancy, as a little boy or girl, I'll give them a pass due to age and years of conditioning if they are unable to turn the corner rather than just cut them off entirely. I'd rather put up with their forgetfulness than be a part of this throw away society. 

I wouldn't cut them off, but I would let them know how difficult it is to be social when they can't respect who I am. She talks about unconditional love, but there's nothing unconditional about disrespect. If nobody can use my pronouns then they can at least not use any at all, or say "they". That's what I told my friend Ricky, who I live with, because it's been difficult for him. He's trying, though. He used to call me "Mister" in front of my old name. It was his thing. One day he did call me "Miss Arin", and I secretly beamed. I told him later how happy that made me, and that I appreciated it. If my grandmother can see the same joy in me as Ricky did then maybe she'll come around. Right now, I can understand how hard it is since I'm not looking female these days, and I think it will be easier for everyone when I finally do. People are visual.

[Deleted]

And thank you, everyone, for the love and support. It really does make me feel better.

[Deleted]

I'll be heading over to my grandmother's this morning to do laundry and shower (cos where I live people always leave dirty and/or wet clothes in the wash, and the bathroom is just gross). She wants me to tell her friend Penny everything so she can itch her gossip scratch. She hates "keeping secrets". That's one of the biggest reasons I never wanted to tell her. She's perfectly fine being confidential when it regards AA sponsoring, but because Penny lives there I have to tell her so she has someone to talk to about me. I guess if it helps her understand things better since Penny is familiar with LGBT issues. She needs to just talk to me, though, and ask me questions. Some people can be perfectly tolerant, but still go around thinking that trans identity is a mental disorder. I don't need my grandmother believing in that crap. Blah..

[Deleted]

Feb 13, 2015 19:59:54 GMT 8 @illuminess said:

I'll be heading over to my grandmother's this morning to do laundry and shower (cos where I live people always leave dirty and/or wet clothes in the wash, and the bathroom is just gross). She wants me to tell her friend Penny everything so she can itch her gossip scratch. She hates "keeping secrets". That's one of the biggest reasons I never wanted to tell her. She's perfectly fine being confidential when it regards AA sponsoring, but because Penny lives there I have to tell her so she has someone to talk to about me. I guess if it helps her understand things better since Penny is familiar with LGBT issues. She needs to just talk to me, though, and ask me questions. Some people can be perfectly tolerant, but still go around thinking that trans identity is a mental disorder. I don't need my grandmother believing in that crap. Blah..

It could be a blessing in the long run, keep an open mind that Penny may just fill her in on a few important points that she wouldn't have thought to ask you during your short visits with her, it might provide her with an enlightened attitude.

[LivingTheDream]

How'd it go?

[Deleted]

Feb 16, 2015 8:44:08 GMT 8 LivingTheDream said:

How'd it go?

As suspected, Penny was pretty much clueless as to what transition is all about, the difference between gender identity and sexual orientation, and so on. So, I cleared that up. She is far from judgmental, though. She's not your run-of-the-mill, churchy, preachy Christian. She has a lot of metaphysical views. She said, more or less, "God may not make mistakes even though Nature can. So, I have to believe that God made you this way, no matter what Nature does." And we continued to discuss our spiritual views for a bit before I had to leave. I think she will be a lot of help to my Grandmother.