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Post by Deleted on Feb 9, 2015 1:45:42 GMT 8
Yes, to be honest. Sometimes I look in the mirror and I like what I see and it pisses me off. I don't look "normal" anymore. I look obviously other, and it makes me so angry that I like it, that I feel good about myself when my appearance is like this. It's strange, being angry at myself for being happy. I kind of get this, I'm not angry at myself, but angry at the world that is going to treat me as other because of my presentation and gender identity. And a bit scared too if I'm being honest. You should be scared with all those crazy antics on a skate board, you could be seriously injured sweet cakes!
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Post by Deleted on Feb 9, 2015 1:53:06 GMT 8
That's risk I can control though.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 9, 2015 1:55:54 GMT 8
That's risk I can control though. You think? Take care of those elbows and knees, hope you wear a brain bucket.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 9, 2015 2:16:45 GMT 8
I've spent the last 4 years learning and pushing my limits, obvs can't control everything but I'm good at assessing risk. I can look at something and think "No that's way too sketchy" in a way that I couldn't when I was just starting out.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 9, 2015 2:46:09 GMT 8
I've spent the last 4 years learning and pushing my limits, obvs can't control everything but I'm good at assessing risk. I can look at something and think "No that's way too sketchy" in a way that I couldn't when I was just starting out. If you take a spill try not to land and jamb an elbow as it will result in a broken collarbone or separated clavicle. Tuck elbows into your body and pull your chin down onto your chest and you should fare well enough in a high speed get off.
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Emily
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Post by Emily on Feb 9, 2015 6:48:00 GMT 8
I am not angry, because it was not my fault, nor the fault of my parents. It is simply a medical condition, something which I cannot change or undo, so fretting over that is useless waste of time and emotions.
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Post by Laura J on Feb 10, 2015 20:16:36 GMT 8
Today I'm feeling very "In-Between" binaries, and I don't like it.. I haven't felt so negative before, I always felt so happy being my new found me.? I have some really sweet MtF friends on my fb I really love, and I've been envying them so much lately.. Part of me wants so bad what they have, I can feel every aspect of it, but my male half or part pulls me back with such discomfort.. I just want to scream sometimes..
I'm seeing very vividly today the insidious part of non binary, the feeling of literally being in between, and never quite being able to hold on to and grasp one binary or the other..
I'm just not very happy today.. Lots of tears...
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Post by Deleted on Feb 10, 2015 22:42:42 GMT 8
I'm annoyed with being trans. Honestly, it is a lot of work. I have to remember things that I was not aculturated to growing up. That which used to be play is now daily life. I have new emotions, new senses, I see things differently. My whole attitude and outlook on life has changed, to borrow from a book I like. It's all new, all still not fully assimilated. I'm tired, it's annoying. But I am not angry that I have finally been given the opportunity to live my life authentically and honestly. The consequences be damned, I'm thrilled. Julie It is a lot more work especially when presenting in female binary mode, I have to hand it to you, you do that well! I am entirely too lazy to pull it off and frankly not as driven to as some. Being authentic comes in lots of different flavors.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 10, 2015 22:43:33 GMT 8
Today I'm feeling very "In-Between" binaries, and I don't like it.. I haven't felt so negative before, I always felt so happy being my new found me.? I have some really sweet MtF friends on my fb I really love, and I've been envying them so much lately.. Part of me wants so bad what they have, I can feel every aspect of it, but my male half or part pulls me back with such discomfort.. I just want to scream sometimes.. I'm seeing very vividly today the insidious part of non binary, the feeling of literally being in between, and never quite being able to hold on to and grasp one binary or the other.. I'm just not very happy today.. Lots of tears... ((((HUGS)))) Cheer up Mark, this too will pass!
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Post by Laura J on Feb 11, 2015 0:28:25 GMT 8
Thanks Shan and Mariah.. Hugggs back.! Oh you big tease Julie.! That's worth a smile..
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Post by Ativan Prescribed on Feb 11, 2015 0:54:34 GMT 8
Geeze Mark, that's where I usually am, it slides around, it's fluid, but still.. I can understand your feeling the down side of that, but there is so much that is the up side as well. I think you might be having a bad day with it, but I know you, you can see the upsides of things, you always do. It isn't so much of being in-between, as it is you can be between and still grasp both ends of the binary as well. I see you doing that all the time in comments. Perhaps we can get a skateboard away from the Dreadful Faerie... Do a little flying back and forth, right past that between and check out the binary. *Just gotta find that Faerie.. Elusive she is. I saw her around before, she'll be back... Cheer up, find that bright side you're so good at doing.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 11, 2015 1:47:48 GMT 8
Today I'm feeling very "In-Between" binaries, and I don't like it.. I haven't felt so negative before, I always felt so happy being my new found me.? I have some really sweet MtF friends on my fb I really love, and I've been envying them so much lately.. Part of me wants so bad what they have, I can feel every aspect of it, but my male half or part pulls me back with such discomfort.. I just want to scream sometimes.. I'm seeing very vividly today the insidious part of non binary, the feeling of literally being in between, and never quite being able to hold on to and grasp one binary or the other.. I'm just not very happy today.. Lots of tears... Rest. We are here. Sages are here to. I have bad days. But then the good ones come, or good moments. You are young in trans. And you don't feel good. What would you draw to show how it feels. Rest dear one. Rest.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 11, 2015 1:50:13 GMT 8
And speaking of fairies,
....garter flash....
:-)
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Post by Laura J on Feb 11, 2015 2:15:41 GMT 8
Many thanks,
Its here I rest, and know its safe to dream. I'm staring to feel better, lack of sleep seems to take its toll on the emotions as well as the body.
Thanks Trinity, and everyone for the kind thoughts, they truely do help..! Hugs.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 11, 2015 2:25:51 GMT 8
Many thanks, Its here I rest, and know its safe to dream. I'm staring to feel better, lack of sleep seems to take its toll on the emotions as well as the body. Thanks Trinity, and everyone for the kind thoughts, they truely do help..! Hugs. Lack of sleep does strange things to my gender perception....
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