Are you angry with yourself for being trans?

[Deleted]

Bear with me, I lost it again.

Are you angry with yourself for being trans?

I am fairly sure I am.

And at the moment, I am extremely angry with myself for a thousand other reasons.  Borderline rage again.  But that doesn't matter.  I'll get over it.

Are you mad at yourself due to being trans?  Are you mad you are trans and not cis?

Not social anger.  Anger about being you.  You got those feelings?

By the way, I am looking in the mirror and I feel pretty.  That is a major breakthrough for me, out gq.  Just a little hair combing change softened it up, changed the presentation more to female.  I love it.

I am nuts. 

So, you pissed off at yourself?

I am out of control.  Shut me down if you need to.  Lost it here, its usually temporary, bear with me.

[Laura J]

I must admit, life was easier before.. but I wasn't being honest with myself then... Life was also easier before when I drank, building up walls, creating masks to hide myself, or the me that I couldn't ever figure out.. Sometimes I wake up and it hits me.. F-this, I don't want to do this, how did I ever get involved with any of it.? I've even looked for excues to just tuck my trans away, and never mention it again..

But then I remember the years of my past, how the parts of my life that didn't make sense then, have come together so perfectly clear, like puzzle pieces that alone fit nothing, but put together and a picture grows.. Now theres too much of that picture I've seen, and it's the really me, for the first time in my life I can see that, and I can't hide from it anymore, it's become not a suit I can just take off and put on at will, it's who I am now, as deep as I can see into my soul..

I'm pissed I didn't see it when I was younger.. Not really angry at myself, just at the timing of it all.? I'm pissed by those who shy away from me, or think I'm different and not as good as they are, you can just see that in some peoples eyes..

But I feel special too.. Sometimes when I walk into a room of people, and I feel like the most special person in the room.. I mean, we have the ability to feel things from both male and female perspectives, and it's not just sympathizing with someone, we really know what the feels like.. I think that makes up for any anger I have for myself, being trans, and the whole thing...

[Ayla]

Mark

Your comments really resonate with me. Now that I understand and accept that I am trans I feel very comfortable with my sense of self. I feel special, unique and in a way privileged. Yes there are areas of risk and uncertainty but this is exciting. There are paths to explore, potential growth, and both new and transformed relationships. I also feel more alive and at peace with myself than I have ever felt before. So TSJ, I definitely do not feel angry at being trans.

Safe travels

Aisla

[Deleted]

No Trinity. I am not mad at myself. Hell, it's who I am. It is the whole reason I learned to play the guitar just to be able to wear makeup and skimpy clothes in public.

However I am a little pissed at the narrow-mindedness and vanity of people that think they are the only right ones in the world, in other words society as a whole. That the way they live and see themselves, everyone should be the same. Kind of a sort of Orwellian train of thought. I'm a little angry that people won't let others have the liberty of living their own lives how they see fit. That society pushes looks on us such as who the hell decided to dictate that guys should have short hair and girls long hair? Yeah females can get away a little more with short hair but if you are a guy with long hair you are either a drug induced maniac or a musician and you are limited in your career choices and job choices.

The thing with me is that I had to figure this out on my own from a young age. If not I would be just another teenage suicidal statistic. And probably without anyone really knowing why. So I accepted it more or less, and actually embraced it. Got it figured out though? Not really. Does anyone ever really figure anything our in life? I guess I'm lucky even though it didn't feel like it at the time. I didn't have a therapist or psychiatrist that helped me through it. I had books and my own feelings. I formed my own personality and self identity and just didn't give a shit about fitting in with society.

The childhood years weren't so bad when boys and girls are kind of given leeway. The teenage years sucked in the beginning. That is when I had to learn or die. That is when I had to either accept or become a statistic. I know the rage but I felt it more against society than myself. So I rejected society, I don't care anything about being cis. I will never let other people get to me or let their perceptions control my thoughts or dictate who I am. I don't really care anything about being "normal" in other people's perceptions. I am normal.

I tried to squash it and deny it for a little four year test. Oh that was a big time fail. I faked it but even trying to be seemingly "normal" in society, I just could not be a normal man. So I gave up and was just me.

So where a lot of ya'll are right now, I have been there. It's just that I have been who I am for a long time and am somewhat comfortable with who I am. That wasn't always my thoughts though. But I figured out that there is nothing wrong with me. I am trans, big deal. More people are transgender that will ever admit it on varying levels of the spectrum. What goes on behind closed doors or in someone's mind is totally privy to them and them alone. So we never know what is in someone else's minds and hearts.

So in the beginning it sux. But the one thing that you have to keep in mind is that we all are normal. There is absolutely nothing abnormal about us. We all want to have happiness in our lives. We all want to live our lives to our fullest potential and we want to be free to live our lives. We all want to love and be loved. So we are normal human beings. It is society's perceptions of us that are abnormal. Society seems to exist solely by what's on the outside. How much status you have. What kind of job you have, what kind of car you drive, how you look and so on. We seem to live by what's on the inside and tend to see others by what's inside them. So no, how can I be pissed at being trans when it is being trans that has let me see other people as unique individuals and who they truly are not what they appear to be and or what they have in life.

No I'm not pissed. I love having smooth skin, long hair and love the sensual things in life. I don't want to be cis. I love seeing the world from two different perspectives. I would like to think that it helps me see the world a little more clearly and understand it from both sides. So I actually consider myself lucky. I may just be fooling myself but that is pretty much how I feel.

[Captains]

Yes, to be honest.

Sometimes I look in the mirror and I like what I see and it pisses me off. I don't look "normal" anymore. I look obviously other, and it makes me so angry that I like it, that I feel good about myself when my appearance is like this.

It's strange, being angry at myself for being happy.

[Deleted]

I couldn't possibly be angry at myself for being me...huh wtf???

[bhhfmm]

I don't get angry at myself for it, but I have had some general anger about being trans and how so many people feel a need to treat me due to being trans. But not so much anymore. It didn't do anything for me, so not much point in holding on to it.

[Deleted]

Jan 10, 2015 3:45:11 GMT 8 bhhfmm said:

I don't get angry at myself for it, but I have had some general anger about being trans and how so many people feel a need to treat me due to being trans. But not so much anymore. It didn't do anything for me, so not much point in holding on to it.

I treat you like I treat other attractive women and the trans part never really entered the equation when I've thought of you. I suspect that some cis folks don't consider or even know about the trans part of you by now either, but just know that you are an attractive and personable woman and like you as such.

[Patty]

Angry about being trans HELL NO ! I am angry at myself about hiding it for so long but then again the social media we have now was not available the majority of my life .Going to a doctor was out of the question I just knew they would put me in the funny farm if I told them my feelings and what I did to sooth them. My melt down and subsequent searching the internet led me to TRUTH and Acceptance and Shantel and also Kathy really saved my life. I can't leave out God here ,if not for my faith I definitely would be gone. Patty

[Deleted]

Jan 10, 2015 8:11:20 GMT 8 Patty said:

Angry about being trans HELL NO ! I am angry at myself about hiding it for so long but then again the social media we have now was not available the majority of my life .Going to a doctor was out of the question I just knew they would put me in the funny farm if I told them my feelings and what I did to sooth them. My melt down and subsequent searching the internet led me to TRUTH and Acceptance and Shantel and also Kathy really saved my life. I can't leave out God here ,if not for my faith I definitely would be gone. Patty

I had similar thoughts when I first began to seriously consider a drastic change in the direction of my life. Good post and really an honest assessment of where we both were at one point in our senior years. There wasn't much information available when we were younger.

[Edge]

I feel angry that I am trans, but I don't feel angry at myself for being trans. Why would I? It's not my fault I'm trans. It's no one's fault. It's just an unfortunate truth that biological processes are not perfect and, sometimes, things happen.

[Taka]

no, i was never angry at myself. being is not the same as doing, it only makes sense to be angry for something someone did.

i remember they read a passage from the bible in church today, about how ridiculous it would be if a pot were to start questioning the potter's reasons for making it the way it is made.

what use is it then for the pot to blame itself for how the potter made it...? i don't think anyone in the bible thought that far. except in that other text when jesus tells his disciples that the man they were discussing was not born blind because he or his parents had sinned, like they used to hypothesize in those days. the man's blindness was obly an opportunity for a miracle to happen. or for people to love, but people tend to avoid doing that if they can find any excuse at all not to.


being trans is not a punishment, neither is it something to be punished for.
how you deal with it is a different matter though.

[Malachite]

Jan 10, 2015 11:11:47 GMT 8 Edge said:

I feel angry that I am trans, but I don't feel angry at myself for being trans. Why would I? It's not my fault I'm trans. It's no one's fault. It's just an unfortunate truth that biological processes are not perfect and, sometimes, things happen.

^ This  I am not angry at myself for being trans.  How could I be angry at myself for something I had no control over.  If anything, I am angry at my mother and father for bringing me into this Earth.  I'm angry that I was the fastest sperm.  I don't know what the heck I was thinking when I was speeding to that egg.  Had I known that this would be my fate, I would have halted my tail, take a slither back, and let the other sperm have at it.

[Deleted]

Jan 10, 2015 3:17:59 GMT 8 Captains said:

Yes, to be honest.

Sometimes I look in the mirror and I like what I see and it pisses me off. I don't look "normal" anymore. I look obviously other, and it makes me so angry that I like it, that I feel good about myself when my appearance is like this.

It's strange, being angry at myself for being happy.

I kind of get this, I'm not angry at myself, but angry at the world that is going to treat me as other because of my presentation and gender identity. And a bit scared too if I'm being honest. 

[Deleted]

Feb 8, 2015 22:16:06 GMT 8 @dreadfaery said:

Jan 10, 2015 3:17:59 GMT 8 Captains said:

Yes, to be honest.

Sometimes I look in the mirror and I like what I see and it pisses me off. I don't look "normal" anymore. I look obviously other, and it makes me so angry that I like it, that I feel good about myself when my appearance is like this.

It's strange, being angry at myself for being happy.

I kind of get this, I'm not angry at myself, but angry at the world that is going to treat me as other because of my presentation and gender identity. And a bit scared too if I'm being honest. 

My anger went away.

I am not mad at me, at those who did not understand, at those who fear.

The haters are just afraid.

What are they afraid of?

What do they hate?

They fear themselves...blinded and deliberately so..

Fear, always fear, of being, becoming, of being wrong. Of admitting they are the cruel.

I do not wish to learn their hate.

I wish they would learn our love.

They cannot handle our love.

But it will haunt them.