are you the victim or the victor?

[Deleted]

It was pointed out to me in an aa meeting this morning that i still have a victim mentality... bitterness over the years of abuse.

I choose to see this now as years of tempering steel, forging a new victor of a transgendered survivor.  

And I choose to love the haters but not accept their hate, to overpower them with compassion and shame them by being true to myself and not striking back, just being and living and speaking my truth.

But I did not know I was playing the victim until a friend saw it and called it what it is.

Are you a victim, a survivor, or a victor?

I choose the power of compassion and truth.

What do you choose?

[EchelonHunt]

I used to see myself as a victim but that was over 2 years ago. I am a survivor. I choose compassion, most definitely. I also accept the past for what it is and lay it to rest, for I cannot change it.

[Deleted]

Truth first over anything, then compassion, all very much a part of being real which serves to delineate the victim and leads to a victor mentality and self image.

[Ayla]

Truth and compassion trumps all. Here mindset, language and action are purposefully selected to help me to be fully present and authentic. In a sense - victim, victor and survivor do not apply and I will not apply them to myself. I am. This is my reality and this is enough. This says it all to me. Other terms seem limiting, inaccurate, negative and a distraction.

Safe travels

Aisla

[Deleted]

Jan 4, 2015 5:16:17 GMT 8 Ayla said:

Truth and compassion trumps all. Here mindset, language and action are purposefully selected to help me to be fully present and authentic. In a sense - victim, victor and survivor do not apply and I will not apply them to myself. I am. This is my reality and this is enough. This says it all to me. Other terms seem limiting, inaccurate, negative and a distraction.

Safe travels

Aisla

Wow. Big time. Could not even glimpse this perspective of just being. Big bonus post, super healthy thinking to aspire to.

Thanks Aisla

[Deleted]

My take on this question is a bit different and perhaps a bit unpopular. But I myself have no hesitation in admitting that I was a victim. What else can you say when a 4-year-old is treated nastily with no effort whatsoever at compassion and understanding and is driven into the closet for a long, long time?

Now I would agree that it doesn't profit you to play the victim forever. You'll never move forward that way. But I see no harm in admitting that you have been a victim. You're admitting that you have some feelings in your heart and that you are capable of being hurt. And I see nothing wrong with that. I'm a bit uncomfortable with someone who claims that they can't be hurt. Why is that? Is it because they're strong enough to surmount everything that's thrown at them or because they've shut down the humanity that should dwell within them?

It depends on the person, of course. But I have seen people, trans or otherwise, proudly boasting that nobody can hurt them--when their every word is screaming, "I've been hurt! I've been terribly hurt! And I'm still hurting terribly! But my pride won't let me admit that!"

And the result is that they go tromping about in their big heavy boots, hurting everyone they come in contact with. And then blaming them for being weak, for playing the victim if they protest that they're being hurt. Such people have so desensitized themselves to their own pain that they cannot afford to see other people's pain. Once you recognize that pain exists in others, you might have to recognize that it exists in you. And you can't afford to do that because it still hurts too much, it's still killing you.

So I think it's very important, and it's no shame to you, to recognize it if you are or have been a victim. It's only then that you can begin to deal with the hurt that's been done to you. If it's only false bravado that you're into, you won't get anywhere.

As for me, I have been hurt, I've been hurt very badly. And I can still be hurt. I need to admit that so that I can start dealing with it and become stronger. That's how I see it anyway.