inherit
2
0
Jul 29, 2022 6:47:09 GMT 8
940
Laura J
1,103
Nov 17, 2014 22:37:43 GMT 8
November 2014
mark
Human being
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Post by Laura J on Jan 2, 2015 14:10:03 GMT 8
"The years of wondering why"
Why does my heart feel like its always about to break. Im not in love, im just a broken boy walking home from school alone. Alone so they can't spit at me like they do on the way to school in the mornings. In high school I sit Everyone walks past like I'm invisible. That girl that makes me shiver she's so beautiful. We walk past each other in the halls our eyes always meet. I look at her so warmly, longingly She looks back with cold eyes like she's watching it snow on a winters night. I find a job that pays me well But the men I work with are so ugly Bigots, racists, haters of everyone. I long to leave each day Race home, wash off the ugliness with booze Drink until I can no longer remember. The years pass, I always feel repressed depressed, suppressed, I run out of words. My body wrecked and my soul adrift I finally hit solid ground. Its real and firm beneath my feet I sigh and breathe relief. I've found a place to call my own A safe place I can feel free enough to fly. Where I no longer have to wonder why.
Me, 1/1/15
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May 20, 2020 11:46:45 GMT 8
331
Patty
340
Nov 19, 2014 19:40:30 GMT 8
November 2014
patty
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Post by Patty on Jan 3, 2015 0:42:29 GMT 8
Mark this is absolutely beautiful and in a way tells the story of many of our lives. Thank you. Patty
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inherit
2
0
Jul 29, 2022 6:47:09 GMT 8
940
Laura J
1,103
Nov 17, 2014 22:37:43 GMT 8
November 2014
mark
Human being
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Post by Laura J on Jan 3, 2015 8:40:02 GMT 8
Thanks Patti... lol, I got quite a strong response on Fb from my CIS friends, it was very interesting the different type of comments I get from them, verses here with you all.. Very different mindsets.. The term "Us & Them" seems very fitting sometimes, meant not in a mean way, but just such a different way of thinking..
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16
0
May 20, 2020 11:46:45 GMT 8
331
Patty
340
Nov 19, 2014 19:40:30 GMT 8
November 2014
patty
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Post by Patty on Jan 3, 2015 9:55:41 GMT 8
I think what it really boils down to is that only "us" really understand "us" . We are a concept beyond "their" ability to understand.I do not down them for it, it is just difficult for people who do not face the life challenges that we do just to survive which are above and way beyond what they do. I spent my life living two separate lives one for them,to appear "normal" and one to find peace within my soul which no one ever was privileged to see. Fear is the overriding factor to everything and ultimately caused a lot of inner turmoil but I survived---barely . Patty
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inherit
17
0
Feb 26, 2021 11:29:15 GMT 8
1,139
Ayla
m2me
5,298
Nov 19, 2014 19:54:37 GMT 8
November 2014
aisla
Female
Female
She/Her
Pansexual
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Post by Ayla on Jan 3, 2015 14:58:38 GMT 8
Mark
Another gift. Thank you. Cis folk struggle to understand trans, never mind non binary folk. High School, College and then work seems like an extended audition. Fearing to come up short, seen to be different or seen as not belonging, brought fear of immediate retribution. We knew that retribution was real and we did everything we could to avoid drawing attention to any non conforming aspect of our self. Life was uncomfortable, if not downright scary.
Understanding that there is a reason for this discomfort, that it can be treated and that life can be so much better was an unexpected blessing. The Internet has helped a lot. Education has helped a lot. But I still fear for those pre teens and teens who can't identify their demons and find support, comfort and a resolution through their family and community. When I think of the years of self doubt, fear, loathing and discomfort that many of us experienced, I fear for the next generation as society seems to be changing far too slowly.
Safe travels
Aisla
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