An update about me.

[DCW]

So, I'm fairly well known for having a very hard time after SRS (and before, actually.) For those who don't know, it's a long, complex, seriously messed-up story in which there is plenty of blame to go around.

A very big factor for me, though, was that limited sensation following surgery and inability to orgasm, plus the unrealistic expectations to be able to do so within 3-6 months after surgery.

A few years later...

That issue changed for me this week. I can repeatably achieve orgasms now and they are so much better than before. I still have so much to learn about my body as it now is, but I'm excited about doing so.

It also majorly reawakened my libido. I'm getting lots of practice of being discreet in my gawking of other women and mentally "down girl!"

[Deleted]

This is wonderful, and frankly I am jealous.... but I know you paid a high and most likely worth it price for your needs being met.

I am overjoyed for you.

I'd go this route if I could, but it is highly ill advised for me personally, I need to stay married. She can't think she is a lesbian. She can however accept me half and half.

But you my dear, omg, how wonderful is this news indeed. And yeah. That orgasm need is intense, the release is so important, and with all our stresses as trans, we sure need it.

Wonderful....wonderful.

[Leena]

I'm so happy for you. Honestly, the possible inability to orgasm after SRS is really what has prevented me from going further. I don't care that much about the effects of HRT, so I'm not on it, but I really do want SRS and retain the ability to have orgasms. I'm more than a little scared that I couldn't handle not being able to orgasm after SRS, though maybe I could...

[DCW]

Thanks, y'all. It has been a very long road for me, and I had a lot of misgivings due to how the decision to have SRS was made (specifically, due to the "steering" I had from providers who were ostensibly impartial and concerned only with my best interests...)

The way I look at that now is, "okay, that was a seriously fucked-up and even toxic situation, but it did work out for the best and it won't ever happen again in my life so we're all good now."

[Ayla]

Love the way that most of us have progressed and found greater happiness, comfort and self understanding. I can only imagine how distressing your experience was and the joy that you have now found.

My closest experience was the loss of all nipple sensation for approx 4 years following a bilateral breast reduction. What really plays with my mind is the impact of even minor fluctuations of low dose hrt on my libido, sexual functioning and dysphoria. If I increase hrt the dysphoria disappears but so does my libido etc. With no nipple sensitivity the situation was not good!

Safe travels

Aisla

[DCW]

I don't discount that dose could be part of this. Progesterone was added for the first time last December and I've been on the current dose since then, which is by far the longest that I've been on any dose unchanged since I started HRT in 2009 (usual was 1-3 months on a given dose.)

I have to admit that I wouldn't mind reducing the libido a bit...it's rather frustrating sitting at work and having to make myself focus on work and away from the "I need to get laid" sensation.

[Kiraz]

This is good to hear. I am 1 day post op today! I had complications so it's not been easy, but a bright future is what it's all about huh? :-) x

[DCW]

Sept 26, 2015 15:38:08 GMT 8 Kiraz said:

This is good to hear. I am 1 day post op today! I had complications so it's not been easy, but a bright future is what it's all about huh? :-) x

Congratulations, sweetie!

I hope the complications have been well managed. If you are interested and on FB there is a GRS Support group that I run and I'd be happy to have you. It's set to secret and is intentionally a place designed as one where we can talk about the positive and negative aspects. It's a case of creating the support network that I wish I had when I needed it so that others can have that need fulfilled.

[Deleted]

Sometimes we can't look a gift horse in the mouth.

Hell what I got now don't work so even with oral the only thing that comes out is clear. It does feel good but not like it used to.

But oh well I like touchy feely better anyway. Well I won't go into the specifics but jsut a warm mouth and a stiff, ughhh......Too much said but I am bottom and top will not ever work for me Gay, Bi or Trans.

But Congrats DCW. Sondsl like it is working for you. So you go girl. Just enjoy it.

[DCW]

For me it has nothing to do with actual sexual activity with anyone else. This is why I describe myself as lesbian asexual.
I'm not interested in that (even being married.) However, I love being able to attain orgasm and very much needed that.

[Mingma]

 Orgasm for me hasn't happened for several years.  Affection has however, and sensuous contact has mostly replaced sexual need.  It seems that in 2016 my insurance will include the possibility of surgery, which makes the calculus more interesting.  Perhaps surgery and the elimination of androgen suppressors would reawaken desire?

I'm glad that for you both desire and fulfillment of desire have been restored.  That completeness is something that I do not have.  I wrestle with  what constitutes a fulfilled life.  Is it the rebirth of prior sensation and experience, or the exploration of something quite different?  Perhaps travel has become a surrogate to me for fulfillment?  

The past year I have spent much time outside of the space where I live both physically and spiritually.  It seems that I do not need tremendous distance and dramatic cultural change, but simple perspective and exploration of relationships that are not immediately adjacent is enough.

Here is the thing though, in two or three years I will move to Europe for a time.  If the insanity of the middle east has subsided I feel a calling to Persia, and other centers of ancient learning in Egypt, India and Bhutan.  I intend to ride motorcycles through South Africa and Rwanda, and to study in Vietnam and Cambodia.  When you have very little, the hold of place essentially vanishes.  For a decade of my youth all I owned fit in a pickup truck and I had no mailing address.  It seems likely that this will be a pattern repeated in my senility.

For as long as I can remain fit and whole I hope that this pilgrimage will continue.  We'll see,  but the question for me is safety.  There are places where gender ambiguity is dangerous, possibly even fatal.  A dear friend calls me an androgynous queen, and that isn't too far from the truth.  I identify as a woman, but not entirely female.  I can appear quite feminine unless you look closely but more importantly, my genitalia aren't aren't of much consequence outside of a locker room at present, would that become an obsession if I change them?  I don't know.

Kind of a long ramble but your thoughts sparked my imagination.  Thank you for the space to wander through my musing.

Ming

[Kira]

Sept 27, 2015 10:27:24 GMT 8 DCW said:

Sept 26, 2015 15:38:08 GMT 8 Kiraz said:

This is good to hear. I am 1 day post op today! I had complications so it's not been easy, but a bright future is what it's all about huh? :-) x

Congratulations, sweetie!

I hope the complications have been well managed. If you are interested and on FB there is a GRS Support group that I run and I'd be happy to have you. It's set to secret and is intentionally a place designed as one where we can talk about the positive and negative aspects. It's a case of creating the support network that I wish I had when I needed it so that others can have that need fulfilled.

Ooh thanks dcw. I would like that, yes :-) I have had some questions that I would have liked to have asked!

[DCW]

Oct 18, 2015 23:13:29 GMT 8 Kira said:

Ooh thanks dcw. I would like that, yes :-) I have had some questions that I would have liked to have asked!

Certainly. More via PM. Unfortunately, the way FB does secret groups there are only two ways that I can add you: either already be friends with you on FB or have an e-mail address for you so I can send the invite.

[Deleted]

Oct 2, 2015 5:30:00 GMT 8 DCW said:

For me it has nothing to do with actual sexual activity with anyone else. This is why I describe myself as lesbian asexual.
I'm not interested in that (even being married.) However, I love being able to attain orgasm and very much needed that.

This is why I am so scared of SRS.

I don't have the normal "shoot 'em up blow the wad boy orgasms" But I have the "affectionate, OMFG. This feels really good, clear liquid that I feel come out and much better than the full blown male orgasm" type of thing. Even guys that I dated said they like it better even if they have had a gay relationship. Well I won't go into it too much. but it does last longer. with girls and guys. and it can be multiple instead of just blow it and go to sleep. :rolleyes:I love guys but c'mon. Well one good time. Then a little toy maybe. Just another woman here.

For me it is a totally different sensation. I have not had SRS but I have no children either. So I guess I shoot blanks. Yeah I used to be able to blow my wad after a really long time. Sometimes. It felt way better with the clear shit coming out than full blown wad blowing. I can't explain it. It was like instead of the full blown shit it was more mental with a physical sensation. Still is. But I don't put it in anything anymore. A lipstick Lesbian likes me then it is pretty much oral and with a guy I am bottom. It don't work like it should anymore and I ain't complaining. What I said earlier feels better mentally and physically. It satisfies me more than it ever did when I could orgasm like a man.