personality shifts

[Deleted]

During the process of discovering you are non binary and have a personal gender, I am curious how your personality has changed over time?

[Deleted]

Dec 27, 2014 22:22:28 GMT 8 Trinity said:

During the process of discovering you are non binary and have a personal gender, I am curious how your personality has changed over time?

Trinity, that is an interesting question. Personalities change over time regardless. I have heard that it's every seven years that personalities change. That is where the "Seven Year Itch" supposedly come from according to romantic relations. My personality has changed not so much from the Trans thing as much as life lessons and what I hope is gained wisdom. I look back and the Jamie of today was not the Jamie she was at 18. I have friends that are cis that I have known for years and who they are today personality wise is not who they were a long time ago. I don't think anyone is immune to personality changes.

[Deleted]

I was driving to the theater with my eldest and the conversation began. It was not good, it was a bit sad.

She missed the old me, the race driver, the strong one, the caring powerful protective father she knew. She wants him back, she doesn't want to see trinity. She wants the other guy.

She cannot understand why I can't be him. Why I changed. Physical, emotionally. And why being trans consumed my mind, the brain locking and obsession taking over.

She is right on all counts of course, but I don't know what to do about it. I said I was sorry, that I was doing what I had to to try to remain sane.

She wanted that guarantee I would not fully transition, wanted to know why I cannot maintain boundaries. I can make no.truthful.reply to that. How can I predict how far this will go? By Will, only to very genderqueer, but by necessity, I don't think.any of us know.

By the time she was done I didn't want to get out of the car, boots silk shirt and eyes suddenly seemed shameful again, rather than an expression of truth long crushed by the cis bullies.

Just wanted to run.

I have changed greatly, kicking and screaming my way through it, but change seems inevitable. I can either embrace it or run from it, but I will not escape it.

How deep does the rabbit hole go?

All I know is we will find it together.

[Deleted]

Perhaps many of us share compulsive-obsessive and addictive personality disorders in varying degrees whether it was formerly drugs, alcohol, food, sex, kleptomania, money or any number of things that we can all relate to, this only exacerbates the powerful draw of yet another obsession to replace the void of that which we have overcome. It's ok Trinity, you're certainly not alone here honey!

[Ayla]

TSJ

Folk don't like change. Your daughter is being very honest with you. But if you are honest with yourself then I suspect that you can no longer deny who you are than to avoid food and water.

Trans folk are not driven by the need for attention, we are driven by the need to accept and to express ourselves as authentically and as powerfully as possible. This is in a way a compulsion but it is a natural compulsion and a very basic human need or indeed right. After spending much of our life subject to intense dysphoria, a role and a body that was dissonant with our sense of self most of us really don't have any other choice. The impact of this need for change on our relationships is the big unknown. Some will recognise and love the person who is now fully revealed, others won't even comment, while others will find this extremely destabilising, if not distressing.

I have not learned a lot in life but what I have learned is that provided you show respect and love for others while being authentic and true to yourself then you and your relationships have a chance.

Your eldest loves you deeply. They would rather you didn't change but change you will. Perhaps if you remember to show them that you are still there for them and be strong and supportive when they need it, then it will work out.

My daughter is very similar. She won't talk about it and quickly shuts down any conversation. I get it. She didn't choose this. I am the one who is changing the family dynamic. Selfish, yes. Absolutely necessary, yes. Unavoidable, yes. Destined for disaster, no.

Safe travels

Aisla

[Deleted]

Brilliant

[Deleted]

Dec 28, 2014 3:39:16 GMT 8 Trinity said:

I was driving to the theater with my eldest and the conversation began. It was not good, it was a bit sad.

She missed the old me, the race driver, the strong one, the caring powerful protective father she knew. She wants him back, she doesn't want to see trinity. She wants the other guy.

She cannot understand why I can't be him. Why I changed. Physical, emotionally. And why being trans consumed my mind, the brain locking and obsession taking over.

She is right on all counts of course, but I don't know what to do about it. I said I was sorry, that I was doing what I had to to try to remain sane.

She wanted that guarantee I would not fully transition, wanted to know why I cannot maintain boundaries. I can make no.truthful.reply to that. How can I predict how far this will go? By Will, only to very genderqueer, but by necessity, I don't think.any of us know.

By the time she was done I didn't want to get out of the car, boots silk shirt and eyes suddenly seemed shameful again, rather than an expression of truth long crushed by the cis bullies.

Just wanted to run.

I have changed greatly, kicking and screaming my way through it, but change seems inevitable. I can either embrace it or run from it, but I will not escape it.

How deep does the rabbit hole go?

All I know is we will find it together.

Trinity. You can only be you. If your eldest can't handle it, I'm so sorry. But denying yourself is really psychologically unhealthy.

The rabbit hole is deep. There is a whole other world waiting for you. But you have to choose.

[Deleted]

Gee Jamie you just quoted a certain blond from of old word for word... and guess what?

No trigger. :-)

To the point, baas disorder and my dysphoria had a head on collision and the relationship survives. While she is at home I won't push it too hard, no compromise on nails, hair, legs, personality, but I will try to cover lace up.

My home presentation is open shirt, unbuttoned, with sexy nylon cami showing. It's normal to the family now.

A vision is growing..not spiritual but self authored, where I can see the long haired short bearded girl becoming an attractive, non binary me. Mtme... always liked that one.

I can see ok now, there were enough positive responses on the pic thread to take me to another level here. Let's see if it is truth. I bet it is.

I once talked to Ativan about it. They are not thrown by facial hair either, it's part of Nonbinary freedom.

I am going to make it look like a stars face and body, let it shine, and the cis will face my truth.

Was frolicking in bed this morning with my wife, I am in a cut off slip and panties, she drove me wild. Baa will move out someday, and I will be more free.

Blessings dears

Trinity

[Muni]

Dec 27, 2014 22:22:28 GMT 8 Trinity said:

During the process of discovering you are non binary and have a personal gender, I am curious how your personality has changed over time?

I think one of the most interesting things that happened to me these past few years (I think interesting is not the word for it but still) was realizing that so many things that I used to do (or be) were somehow related to the gender I'm expected to present. Then I decided to change that, and then finally realized that I didn't need to do it. It's not liking one thing or other in one way or another that will make a man or not and I don't need to change that just to somehow prove it. 

I read somewhere a quote where the person said something like everyone's gender is a story, but trans people are more aware of it. The point of this whole vague paragraph above was just to say that it's the awareness that changed me most. And it's this that people on the outside notice more as a sort of change of personality, when maybe it's not that much of a change per se, but a connection with you would only know of yourself when you become so painfully aware of it (i guess it only came out as even more vague but ehh). 

[ThePhoenix]

I'm not sure if my story really relates or not since I am pretty binary. But pretend-to-be-a-guy me was very downright reclusive and used to hate going to parties. I would always leave early and frequently referred to them as "root canals."

Post transition (and really even during transition), I suddenly changed that. Somehow I ended up a lot more outgoing and extra erred than I had ever been. And I still always anticipate parties being awkward, unpleasant affairs. But the. I show up and usually end up being one of the last to leave. It's weird.

[Laura J]

Before I had lots of anxiety. I felt a mild level of stress almost constantly, which became normal to me over the years..

Discovering my true self caused that anxiety and stress to go away slowly as I've discovered myself again.. I feel like a natural whole person, for the first time in my life.

My personality used to be quite harsh, boisterous and loud, now I feel much more gentle, calm and full of love and lightness of spirit.. It's quite amazing how I've changed, I'm sorry that I didn't know anyone here back in those days, you could very easily have noticed it..

[Anato]

My personality hasn't changed much. At least if it did at all I'm not aware of it.

Only thing I can think of is that I'm more guarded with people as time goes on since my situation is so strange, but other than that I'm the same as ever.