The Christmas my family rejected me | Paris Lees

[Ayla]

A story of rejection

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Aisla

[Deleted]

Dec 27, 2014 6:49:30 GMT 8 Ayla said:

A story of rejection

gu.com/p/44cn8/sbl

Aisla

She's not alone is she Kira? This is sadly such a common thing for this time of year.

[Kira]

I love Paris Lees, she is a great writer and a does great work for us.

No, sadly she is right. My parents kicked me out at 15 for my long hair and nails, because I was a disgrace to the family, apparently. That was hard. Things very nearly went very badly for me then.

None of my immediately family invited me round this christmas, even though I had told them that I would be by myself and wasn't looking forward to it, so I asked to work. I was the only person at work who actually asked to work on Christmas day.

Still, a couple of days before Christmas day though, my gran rang when she figured out from what my parents told her, that I was alone, and asked if I wanted to go round there. It was too late, as I had already agreed to work, but it was really good to have been asked by her. She even said that if it weren't for her health and complications, she would come for my surgery with me in January, which I will be doing alone. That means a lot. Even if my family aren't going to come with me, I wished they would have at least said to me that they would like to have been there for me, and that they would be thinking of me, but they have ignored it.

Sadly she had a heart attack recently. She spent 4 weeks in hospital, and wanted to know why I hadn't visited her, but it was as nobody had even told me she was in hospital :-/ I love my gran, she is the only one of my family who has been great about everything. Sure, she gets my name wrong more than she gets it right, but it doesn't matter. She is great. I hope she carries on recovering.

[Deleted]

Make an effort to go see her honey, she is a swell gran and a wonderful asset who will no doubt have some say in changing the hearts of the rest of your family.

[Laura J]

Thats a heartbreaking story.. Its so true.. People are so caught up on themselves and what others will think of them, that they can reject and disown a child just for being themselves..

[Kira]

the one thing I never figured out, is this... If what other people think is so important to them, then are they not more worried about being seen to cut off and shame their child than being seen to have a trans child. I mean, its not even like having cut off and ignored them resolves that.

[Deleted]

Dec 27, 2014 17:07:23 GMT 8 Kira said:

the one thing I never figured out, is this... If what other people think is so important to them, then are they not more worried about being seen to cut off and shame their child than being seen to have a trans child. I mean, its not even like having cut off and ignored them resolves that.

I'm not sure that they even get to that place in their thinking because of the overwhelming fears of what others may think of them having a family member that has made such a seemingly radical change in their own lives. Fear of what other's think is one of the most damaging of all the thought processes, it immobilizes us completely in becoming all that we know that we are internally, just as it turns the hearts of family in diametric opposition to the choices we have made. The only thing that will alter their attitudes over time is for us to go on and live life successfully, avoiding all forms of contentiousness and to continue to exude a warm and loving persona even when it isn't being returned. It will eventually erode the adamant stone from their hearts.

[Deleted]

Dec 27, 2014 7:34:55 GMT 8 Kira said:

I love Paris Lees, she is a great writer and a does great work for us.

No, sadly she is right. My parents kicked me out at 15 for my long hair and nails, because I was a disgrace to the family, apparently. That was hard. Things very nearly went very badly for me then.

None of my immediately family invited me round this christmas, even though I had told them that I would be by myself and wasn't looking forward to it, so I asked to work. I was the only person at work who actually asked to work on Christmas day.

Still, a couple of days before Christmas day though, my gran rang when she figured out from what my parents told her, that I was alone, and asked if I wanted to go round there. It was too late, as I had already agreed to work, but it was really good to have been asked by her. She even said that if it weren't for her health and complications, she would come for my surgery with me in January, which I will be doing alone. That means a lot. Even if my family aren't going to come with me, I wished they would have at least said to me that they would like to have been there for me, and that they would be thinking of me, but they have ignored it.

Sadly she had a heart attack recently. She spent 4 weeks in hospital, and wanted to know why I hadn't visited her, but it was as nobody had even told me she was in hospital :-/ I love my gran, she is the only one of my family who has been great about everything. Sure, she gets my name wrong more than she gets it right, but it doesn't matter. She is great. I hope she carries on recovering.

I am definitely the black sheep of my family after the death of my cousin. We were always in competition to see who could piss our family off the most. I miss him. It's funny because he was as long as we were trying and we had some really good times together.

OMG. You Grandma. No I am in tears. I agree with Shan. She sounds like one hell of a woman and loves you no matter what. Now you know and to Hades with everyone else. I would go see her regardless. Sounds like she supports you no matter what. If she gets your name wrong, at least she accepts you hon. Sounds like the rest of your family is kind of cruel, to you and her. 

I spent Christmas day alone and I loved it. My "worst" half and my dad went to my "worst half's" family's house for Christmas dinner. I thought I was going to have to take a trip to Reno so I slept and was gonna' leave last night. That fell through though.

But yeah Kira. Family is who you make it. It can be friends. It can be genetics. But I would rather friends as family because you can be yourself around them. I have a feeling that you have friends that will consider you family. So just consider them family right back.

[Deleted]

Dec 27, 2014 17:07:23 GMT 8 Kira said:

the one thing I never figured out, is this... If what other people think is so important to them, then are they not more worried about being seen to cut off and shame their child than being seen to have a trans child. I mean, its not even like having cut off and ignored them resolves that.

Because people are strange hon. People are cruel. People are ignorant to our journey to happiness and being true to ourselves. They can't understand us. Maybe because they have some of the same feelings we do but refuse to acknowledge them and it confuses them and makes them despise themselves and in manifests itself in despising their own child. It sux. But take your power back and cut them off. Believe me, they will probably need you before you will need them. Then that is your choice to be the bigger person or deny them. Getting old is a bitch. And often times the roles of child and parents are reversed. I know what I am doing right now but you have to make your own choices and whatever you decide I will never judge. Life itself is strange.

But one key bit of advice. Be resolved in yourself. Don't depend on resolution from them. Or actually from anyone else but yourself. After all it is your life to live. They made their choices to live their lives and you deserve that same consideration and whoever can't accept it... Well their loss. Our lives are ours to live the way we see fit. "The pursuit of life, liberty and happiness" is one of our freedoms and if other's can't accept that then I feel so sorry for them.

[Deleted]

Julie, I'm on the same page as you are with Kira's plight and by the way, there are few women I care so much for, she is and has been very close to me all along. I didn't know it was your birthday sweetie, you should have said something and for God's sake if you have financial needs you call me, I'm not willing to let you do without.

[Deleted]

Oh I feel sick

You poor thing.

If you can see Grandma, see her. Moments pass, we need to steal them sometimes, as lockets to keep for ourselves in our hearts.

The ways of trans are sometimes cruel. Yet you are so very pretty, and young, I hope deeply your dreams are met.

I have a saying, God always levels the scales. I trust He will balance yours. And for the folks that rejected, that is a stone around their necks, it will catch them in the end, they will regret, they may turn.

I could no more cast off one of my daughters than cut off my breasts. It is such a foreign thing to me.

And yet I must be stealth to extended family, for they would destroy mine with their ignorance, and when they come, and they are coming, I must go underground. For I will not subject my wife to their lunacy.

So sorry dear. You must be a miracle to stand up under this.

We are your family....

[Kira]

Thanks people, I really appreciate your thoughts :-) but I am doing ok. Sleeping rough at 15 was definitely a low point (I didn't get much sleeping done, it was freezing and I was too worried about what would happen to me) but it helped make me into me. I made some pretty important resolutions to myself then, ones that have helped me keep myself together, even if only just, when things have been bad.

[Deleted]

Dec 31, 2014 1:23:28 GMT 8 Kira said:

Thanks people, I really appreciate your thoughts :-) but I am doing ok. Sleeping rough at 15 was definitely a low point (I didn't get much sleeping done, it was freezing and I was too worried about what would happen to me) but it helped make me into me. I made some pretty important resolutions to myself then, ones that have helped me keep myself together, even if only just, when things have been bad.

I love this young woman, she's a very stunning gal with a real survivor's pluck! You don't hear much poor me, self pity stuff from her!

[Deleted]

Dec 31, 2014 1:23:28 GMT 8 Kira said:

Thanks people, I really appreciate your thoughts :-) but I am doing ok. Sleeping rough at 15 was definitely a low point (I didn't get much sleeping done, it was freezing and I was too worried about what would happen to me) but it helped make me into me. I made some pretty important resolutions to myself then, ones that have helped me keep myself together, even if only just, when things have been bad.

I've been half starved before. I have slept in a van with four other people on the streets. Did what I could to survive. That attitude you have Kira, I love it. Hard times does shape us and gives us a little more character and stronger characters than having a plush life. If I had a choice to sit and talk with you or Paris Hilton or any Kardashian, I think you would be way more interesting. I have a funny feeling you wouldn't be brainless idiot.