Hurtful Comments Regarding Weight & Anorexia

[EchelonHunt]

I went to get a 2nd plate of food today and Dad said if I keep eating the way I do, I'll become Snorlax (an enormous Poke'mon) and he did a Jabba the Hutt laugh.

I was already self-conscious of my weight and my eating habits. His comment pushed me over the edge.

For the first time in five years, I had been reduced to a sobbing mess in the darkness of my bedroom. It was a first in five years I had actually cried so that was weird in itself.

His comments regarding my weight over the past few years have always upset me, but he doesn't seem to care or learn that his comments negatively effect me and lower my self-esteem of myself.

It makes me want to not eat anything or eat very little.

That's something else that has been bothering me, I have been becoming obsessive about food and losing weight. It's one of the reasons why I've stopped counting calories because it's become easy for me to get all fixated on the numbers.

I've stopped weighing myself everyday too as if I don't see a change in weight, it depresses me easily and it ends up being on my mind all day.

The bright side of all this... before the comment from my dad began, I had resolved to trying a more "clean" diet. Fruit, vegetables and lean proteins, keeping the processed packaged stuff to a minimum.

[EchelonHunt]

He apologised but I remembered that he had been mocking me about my weight for the past few years and he apologised every time back then as well.

The apologies have become empty, they mean nothing if the person behind them doesn't sincerely mean it and strive to better themselves.

[EchelonHunt]

Fuck, it's hard to concentrate on my homework when I all I want to do is cry.

[Deleted]

Work with me darling. There are answers and some questions, but i assure you, you will be what you dream.

You arent fighting it alone at all, and peace and food health for you is in reach.

[EchelonHunt]

Thank you Trinity.

Still feeling emotional but going to finish homework and go to sleep. I desperately need sleep.

I want to talk to my dad tomorrow night when he comes home from work. Maybe not if I get over it by then.

This mood I'm in, I don't know what's causing it. My hormone levels should be fine so I'm putting it down to depression/stress of studies getting to me.

[Deleted]

JC I want you to understand something



I've seen your pics and I have watched you grow and more and more freedom and in more and more joy


You need to know that you are very attractive and are in fact a great trap if that's what you call it. 

I have a good eyes so trust me on this

Just be yourself and we'll work together fine whatever goal you have to eat healthy joyous and free

Loveya kiddo

Satin Joy...Trinity

[Deleted]

Ok sweetie how is the depression going?

An easy food conscious change can help. Smaller portions balanced diet and avoiding junk food. But emotions trigger food signals. So does dysphoria. You talked once of water fillers. Excercize, double positive.

Cal awareness is important too. Im moving now, emotional, eating out, not balanced. See the weight moving up?

How was today you are not bubbly..

And you look great in a chemise. No kidding.

[EchelonHunt]

I miss the chemise.

Going to try getting back into sewing again, I had to furiously sew my outfit Thursday and Friday for the event Friday night, Winter Wonderland, still have to show you all pics. Will get to that shortly. It stressed me out because I ran out of fur and had to improvise with the left-over fur I had. But overall, it was a fun night and got to bond more with my (ex-girl)friend, Nae-Nae. Things have been improving significantly in that department.

Depression is still there. Doing the same things everyday (eat, sleep, go to class, come home, etc.) makes me restless and feel like I am becoming stagnant. Most of my days I have been operating on auto-pilot and I panic sometimes because I forget what I've done until after the fact. I am planning a 1-2 week trip to Tokyo, Japan in December as a reward for getting through this final part of the Cert 3/4 combo course. It is something to look forward to and it will be a nice change of pace, if I can hang in there until then.

I don't know. This mood I am in, it unsettles me. I don't know the root of the problem, there's a lot of anger and sadness.

[Deleted]

That mood is part of it.

When I am angry at myself I punish myself by not eating. Visciously denying myself food, the hunger takes my mind off of the depression, and the cal deprivation makes me light headed after a day of not eating.

Eating is not a great way to address feelings. Feelings hurt and I talk instead of feeling, most times, its one of the reasons I am so active. The more pain, the more posts and phone calls. It helps. But sometimes safe quiet time feeling my feelings is the correct choice.

I went through some big processes, its in the treehouse threads. I have been angry with no reason I understand. Triggers can be deep, and as we heal and the onion is peeled back, or the artichoke is consumes revealing the most delicious part of it, actually that is the better analogy, eat the artchoke...feel the feelings.

The key is to love up your body by feeding it the foods that make it happy, joyous and free. That means the balanced meals, not the mcdonalds meals. Once you do this, your mood will shift into a more positive place, for food does affect emotion at a subtle level.

So, its your night. A night time snack of strawberries etc in yogurt would make that body of yours feel, well, like satin in a summer night.

SJ

[EchelonHunt]

I do feel a lot lighter and have more spring in my step when I eat balanced small meals. Things were more simple back then.

Speaking of strawberries, will be having some for breakfast tomorrow morning Yum.

I can deal with being sad, I'm used to that but my anger scares me. I'm aware of how my body has changed in terms of strength and there are times where I get frustrated easily and want to punch something (not someone, thank God.) I'm aware that I may either bruise or cut up my knuckles or damage whatever I punch so I refrain from doing that. My fear of my anger also stems from my childhood, I wasn't allowed to express my anger (or sadness, for that matter) so I bottled it up. I've been getting better at expressing myself with words but it's still an on-going process and old habits die hard.

Art & crafts have always been my expression for emotions but depression has sucked the creativity out of me. It also doesn't help as I need creativity for my classes in graphic design. That adds more stress on top of everything else.

Screw being an Admin, I just want to be a regular member.

[Deleted]

Admin is a facet you use when needed.

You darling are family to us. You are deeply loved here.

No need to wear that admin part, but you have that sword in its sheath at your side, and know how to weild it.

As do others here.

Blessings my dear

Trinity...Satinjoy

[EchelonHunt]

I can use my *wiggles fingers* special Admin powers when possible but other than that, it's just a label that comes with a lot of heavy burden.

But thank you Trinity You all are family to me too.

[Ativan Prescribed]

Depression has it's own kind of creativity, some very famous people have used theirs in ways that worked for them.
See if you can find it, sometimes just looking for it leads you out of it.

Anger is not always a bad thing, not even evil to use. It is, in the simplest terms, forceful.
What you do with it is what determines how it is perceived, use it the right way to take you where you need to go.
I've used mine to save myself more than a few times.
Like today, in about an hour or so, I'll find out just how much damage I've really done to my lower spine.
The anger pushes the fear of finding out it's not repairable, out of the way.
It there's a way, I'll find it. I refuse to be confined, to lose the ability to walk.
Today is just the beginning of what I know is going to be a bureaucratic battle, and maybe one with myself.
Anger is going to come in handy.

[Taka]

i was also denied the right to express anger in childhood, something which of course made me unable to express the emotion in a natural way.

it took me a bit of breaking easily replaceable stuff in order to figure out that it's better to just tell my parents when i think they're out of line, in an angry tone if i feel that way.

i've gotten better at telling them when i find the way they talk to me completely unacceptable. i won't allow them to talk to me in whichever way they want.

comments about looks are absolutely a reason to express anger. my dad also comments on my weight, but in a very different way that has nothing to do with me being attractive or not, but a lot to do with my health. that's ok with me. he doesn't make me feel bad about my weight, it's more like reminding people to see a dentist if their teeth hurt.

now that i've gotten a new and busy job that i love, i might end up losing weight without making too much effort. eating habits change depending on mood and activity. i need more vegetables in my diet still, but fruit somehow added itself when i didn't have time to look for something else.

rounder people can be attractive too though. your weight doesn't make you any less attractive, only thing it may do is limit your activity.

[Valerie]

I'm sorry for the things that have been said to you! And you know what Jacey, screw everyone who makes you feel like shit, or bad about yourself. They're so not worth your time. You're a beautiful individual no matter what your body may look like.

(Trigger warning eating disorders/ body image issues )

As for the anorexia, I too as well have had moments where is starve myself, and I knew it was unhealthy, but I was doing it anyway. There was a point where last year I had gone two weeks without eating a single thing, I was drinking plenty of water, but I wasn't eating. I felt really weak, and just standing or walking took a lot of energy out of me. I quickly grabbed myself, and shook some sense into myself, I kept telling myself this wasn't going to help me lose weight, but instead do some horrible damages to my body. I finally started eating something again. I kinda glad I took control of myself before it became a more serious issue although sometimes I still catch myself varying to the not eating for awhile place again, but if I pick up on that I try and keep myself to eat something even if I'm not hungry.

And a few times I've purged... Which is weird that is even try something likes that because I despise throwing up, and fact I've tried purging a few times isn't good...

I'll admit I have really bad body image issues I need to work better on, and work through. And currently I'm trying to find healthier ways to deal with my weight, and I'm even trying to learn to love myself where I am now, and to stop hating on my body. It's not very easy thing to do...

By way here's a great slam poetry song by Mary Lambert, I listen to everytime I start hating on my body. I try to listen to the words, and just use the words to distract me from my hateful thoughts. I've actually listened to this on repeat on my MP3 player for 2 weeks straight to try help comforting myself.

youtu.be/j3f1zii5skA