Am I defined by my gender? Intersectionality of identity.

[Ayla]

A colleague recently asked me whether my gender defined me. I started to say yes, that it did define me, but then realised that I am so much more than just my (non binary) gender. Yes it is an important aspect, yes this bio/social/psycho phenomenon helps write my narrative and helps shape my journey, but I often feel much more than this and they don't stay aligned, they conflict and they often wax and wane. 

A middle aged, non binary, sports and sci fi loving parent, partner, lover, friend, foodie, travel and outdoors tragic, white MAAB, seeking spiritual meaning, learning and growth also doesn't define me but in some communities or contexts I feel accepted and validated, while in others I feel like an oddity and not fully accepted or present.

This intersectional identity often generates a feeling that I do not completely belong in one group or another.  I understand that for some that this can lead to isolation, depression and other mental health issues. Others have said that it feels "like standing in the middle of the road being hit by cars from many sides." Roshan das Nair speaks about his birthday party as being in the middle of many different circles of friends and family who seldom overlap. 

Do you feel like both of these descriptions at different times.  How have you managed to deal with this? 

We all have different aspects of our identities. We all have different sides of ourselves. Unfortunately this leads to many problems in our binary community.  The exclusion and erasure of intersectional people from our communities is reflected in service provision. 
www.equality-network.org/our-work/intersectional/#sthash.MLLInUp5.dpuf

Safe travels

Aisla

[Ayla]

Star

"Gender not defines me, I define my gender......okay?" Definitely agree!!

"If I talk about my SO and kiddos....that`s my family....right?......
If I talk about my religious parents, brother, sister.......I kicked out....
Is that my family also? Or do you have a better pronoun for that kind of family?
It`s really annoying that I can`t find an answer for this....." Not sure that I can help. Best that I can do is talk of my birth family (parents, siblings) or immediate family (partner, children) but suspect that some use these terms interchangeably. Gets even more confusing when folk use "family' to refer to a group, a tribe to whom they feel close.  Either English is a limited language or I am limited in its use. Suspect context is the best way of providing meaning as I can't think of other pronouns.

Separately - I love the Netherlands and hope my travels allow me to return.

Safe travels

Asila

[Ativan Prescribed]

Siblings... brothers and sisters, blood relative is implied, although step and adopted can be included, as they should be.
Your SO and children are Your family, your brothers and sisters are your siblings, I guess parents are just that.
You are a part of your parents family, so that makes them your family as well. Seems to change when you have children.

I've been thinking about the article since I saw it a couple hours ago.
I can think of several different reasons why I would be considered intersectional.
But I never experienced anything like being hit by cars from all directions, in the middle of circles of people who are strangers to each others circle.
It's more like being on an island and there's a party, but it's on the other side and nobody bothered to invite me.
Probably because I don't really care. Despite being a part of a group, I've never really felt like it other than a few times, and not for long.
Whenever a group I do belong to is gathered, I'm usually on the outside of it, not in it.
I talk about it in therapy, it does come up more often than you'd think, maybe because it's just me, but it gets discussed.
It's a part of my mental disorders, a kind of mushed up bunch of stuff that's fluid and not very predictable, like it should be.
But I can see how it could be a problem for some, especially if they let it.
I've seen how badly people are treated for just being themselves, having these partitions that society can put up.
I'm kinda used to just bypassing them, and if someone doesn't like it, I explain that they are being bypassed as well.
But the fact that it does exist has somewhat of an influence on how I see these sections and why I stay separated from them.
I was just not brought up with any kind of it, people are just people and most of what seems to matter to some, matters very little to me.
I like everyone or dislike everyone, depending on how that's presented to me.
I am an introvert, but I more than hold my own when I have the stage and am talking.
I can hold single or groups of peoples attention for hours sometimes if the need is there or I'm in the mood.
So I see a lot of divisions that people make, and the one that isn't so apparent is money, how much you have or make.
It seems to have the greatest effect on whether someone is included or not, in any given situation.
If it's brought up or even by appearance. Swagger is one thing, but a true power player is another, and it can show, very easily.
Power is equated with money, that's hard to get around. It comes up eventually it seems. Or is implied.
The haves and have not's, and then everything else is divided up into it's appropriate way depending on whether you have or don't.
Even if you divide up a group of people based on something besides money, in each of those divisions there will be the have's and have not's.
The have's are not necessarily the ones to watch out for, or the have not's, either way, you have to play that card the right way, everything else follows.
It depends a lot on how much or how little one has, the extremes can really be a division, but also one that pulls the other ones together.
Maybe that's a reason for me to stay on the sidelines and just observe, watching to see how things play out.
It's a curious thing to watch, just how much being a have or have not influences everything else.