*SCREAMS*

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I really wish people would be more considerate of others. Why is this so difficult? Is it just my own experience? Am I just unfortunately in the constant company of self-centered, apathetic, adult-sized children? Funny how the one exception in this situation is a woman. Men can just do whatever they please, and fuck everyone else, right? My patience is running on fumes.

Of course, I don’t hate anyone. I just wish they would — dare I say it — check their fucking privilege, and ask people here something like, “do you mind if I smoke in my room? If the smoke bothers you, I’ll just go outside," or just refrain from smoking inside the house to begin with.

Thankfully, one of the most careless, slobbish people I’ve ever met no longer lives here, so things aren’t nearly as irritating. I make it sound worse than it actually is simply because I’m fed up with being nice about it. Cleaning is not “a woman’s job”, it’s a fucking human responsibility. Being thoughtful of others is not pansy and weak, it’s human fucking decency.

Only two people in this house have a clear grasp on this: me and the second woman in the house. I hate making it into a matter of gender, but come on!

Okay, I’m done.

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Its great to have a place to vent here....

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Aug 21, 2015 19:01:06 GMT 8 @illuminess said:

I really wish people would be more considerate of others. Why is this so difficult? Is it just my own experience? Am I just unfortunately in the constant company of self-centered, apathetic, adult-sized children? Funny how the one exception in this situation is a woman. Men can just do whatever they please, and fuck everyone else, right? My patience is running on fumes.

Of course, I don’t hate anyone. I just wish they would — dare I say it — check their fucking privilege, and ask people here something like, “do you mind if I smoke in my room? If the smoke bothers you, I’ll just go outside," or just refrain from smoking inside the house to begin with.

Thankfully, one of the most careless, slobbish people I’ve ever met no longer lives here, so things aren’t nearly as irritating. I make it sound worse than it actually is simply because I’m fed up with being nice about it. Cleaning is not “a woman’s job”, it’s a fucking human responsibility. Being thoughtful of others is not pansy and weak, it’s human fucking decency.

Only two people in this house have a clear grasp on this: me and the second woman in the house. I hate making it into a matter of gender, but come on!

Okay, I’m done.

OK Arin. Please don't take offence with what I'm about to say. Please? OK so most times I have to masquerade as a man now. LOL, that is the same behavior I show to reinforce that stereotype. When I get home it is totally different though. Yeah, guys should be more considerate but most aren't. When you are young then you establish that stereotype of "Me Tarzan, you Jane." type of attitude. A lot of older guys are way more considerate because they have more experience with interacting with different people. Same way with cleaning, most guys unless they have lived on their own hate cleaning. But it has to be done or... Well creepy crawlies, mice and rats all discover bad cleaning habits.

I don't know if I would call it privilege as much as ignorance and image. Maybe find older men as room mates? Men that have gotten over all the younger attitudes and trying to prove their masculinity?

Yeah it sucks but that is why I always lived alone. I paid a little more or downsized my living areas but it was all mine. Then it was in the condition that I was comfortable with. Well... Didn't always live alone though. I dated a guy that was a dream come true (but I was young and dumb) and he had less than favorable cleaning habits so as a "matter of gender" I cleaned the house and did the laundry but ended up training him to pick his dirty clothes up at least and wash the dishes. The he bought a dishwasher.

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I had a Hot Pocket go missing last night that I know I didn’t eat. I asked everyone here if they took it, and nobody confessed. It was brought to my attention that Ricky probably forgot he ate his already, and took mine thinking it was his. This is possible, because that’s just the way he is… autistic narrow-mindedness.

I made a post, earlier, expressing my frustration over the issue since nobody confessed, but I had since gotten over it and talked to Ricky. Then our house mate Nick decided to message me privately, saying that my post was “insanely toxic”, and that I’m not taking responsibility for the way such posts make people feel.

I am well aware that what I say can come off as upsetting which is why I specifically block the people that I’m commenting about. They don’t need to read it, because it’s not meant to be taken seriously. I don’t say things like “Ricky needs to do this or that” or “Nick is such a whatever”.

I make general remarks about the situation, and I make such posts because they serve as a release of stress. Is it the most healthy way to relieve stress? Not necessarily; but I’m a writer. I express my thoughts better in writing. A post of frustration is a lot better than me going up to someone in person and blowing up at them, saying things that I might not mean in the heat of the moment.

What pisses me off the most is that they are making me out to be the bad guy for being upset over things that actually happen to me, and have happened to me repeatedly. Their feelings are just far more important than my ability to maintain a food supply for the entire month. I’m fucking sick of this.

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So you confronted, took the emotions out and stood up for yourself, and hit the safety valve in here to get it off your chest.

Well done Erin.

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It seems to me that if someone feels the need to point something out that I’ve said — guilty or not — they must be feeling so if they’re going to get defensive with me, and then attempt to make me out to be the one who needs to change their ways.

I don’t disrespect anyone’s things, I always make sure I have permission to use or borrow things, I don’t eat anyone’s food (unless I’ve been starving for a day and a half and there’s nothing else and no one seemingly giving a shit), and I mind my own business. As soon as I react angrily to someone else’s disrespect or lack of consideration, I get branded as the one with the problem.

I NEED OUT OF HERE.

[EchelonHunt]

I agree, it doesn't sound like a very thriving environment to live in.

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Nick has apologized and wants to give me a hug. Well, I would gladly accept one. I don’t hate him at all. Quite the opposite. That doesn’t mean I can’t be angry.


He said, “Wanted to give you a hug in person. Maybe we have different friendship styles. It helps me resolve things especially when I'm having a lot of anxiety and vulnerable (now). I feel like you have been lacking in warmth and want to give you some.”


He’s right. I have definitely been lacking in warmth. I haven't had the slightest inkling of support since starting HRT, and talking to people online doesn't count. I've been literally alone this whole time with only rare occasions of someone coming to visit me. I thought I had an ally in the girl Nicole that I dated until she dumped me over trivial crap. So yeah, I've been feeling very disregarded.

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Sept 18, 2015 2:48:37 GMT 8 @illuminess said:

Nick has apologized and wants to give me a hug. Well, I would gladly accept one. I don’t hate him at all. Quite the opposite. That doesn’t mean I can’t be angry.


He said, “Wanted to give you a hug in person. Maybe we have different friendship styles. It helps me resolve things especially when I'm having a lot of anxiety and vulnerable (now). I feel like you have been lacking in warmth and want to give you some.”


He’s right. I have definitely been lacking in warmth. I haven't had the slightest inkling of support since starting HRT, and talking to people online doesn't count. I've been literally alone this whole time with only rare occasions of someone coming to visit me. I thought I had an ally in the girl Nicole that I dated until she dumped me over trivial crap. So yeah, I've been feeling very disregarded.

I'm so sorry Arin. Feeling like that sux and a lot of times I think it's in our personalities that make some of us feel that way. Unimportant, disregarded as pertaining to our emotions, feeling left out and like others are seemingly more important than ourselves. Yeah I'm prone to those feelings too. I really don't believe that, in my case anyway, that anyone is blatantly disregarding me or  doing anything on purpose. It will sound like a paradox but sometimes people are more concerned with themselves more than others. In my case feeling like I do when I get like this, me too. But I hold it in and don't say anything until it builds and builds and then all blows up and out. Nut damn. Sometimes when you are feeling so insignificant and unimportant that no one even cares to ask your opinion then WTF? It is time to say something.

Maybe in your situation living with different people with different backgrounds and personalities, call a room mate meeting and let everyone, including you voice how they feel, what they expect and then set boundries that each one can live with. Some people see nothing wrong with eating food that is meant for someone else. Not to be an ass but just out of ignorance. They are hungry, there is food and they eat it. maybe come up with an agreement on groceries in that either all put in and make a list of what they want and all go shopping or go shopping separately and get what each one wants to eat and split up the cabinets and fridge?

On a good side though. Nick does sound like he cares at least. And yeah, he is right. Friendship styles can vary. Hell in the military I had to deal with the same shit the last year and a half when I lived in the Barracks stationed in the states.

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Maybe in your situation living with different people with different backgrounds and personalities, call a room mate meeting and let everyone, including you voice how they feel, what they expect and then set boundries that each one can live with. 

That's actually a very good idea. I mean, I've been living there for over a year now, and I've explained things to people repeatedly, but I guess it needs to be refreshed in their minds once in a while. I've never done this in a group setting, though.

On a good side though. Nick does sound like he cares at least. And yeah, he is right. Friendship styles can vary. Hell in the military I had to deal with the same shit the last year and a half when I lived in the Barracks stationed in the states.

Nick is a great guy, and I don't say that about men very often. He can be a sweet heart, and the fact that he's not afraid to hug me really says something about his character. Guys are usually weird about hugging other guys, so the fact that he doesn't see me as a guy is a nice feeling. If he wasn't dating my other house mate, Erica, I would probably be quite prone to getting snuggly with him... and I'm not attracted to guys. Here's an old pic of him from his 20s. He doesn't have a recent one, unfortunately:

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Well, Nick has unfriended me on Facebook. Erica must be feeding him all sorts of garbage and twisting his opinion of me even though we've already discussed everything and seemingly got past it. If only he knew that I genuinely liked him. Telling him that wouldn't matter, because he's choosing to take someone else's word over mine and make judgments based on things I've said in a moment of frustration. I swear, I am cursed to be friendless and loveless and alone.

When someone divulges their rape experiences or any other act of hostility made towards them, do we dismiss them by saying “oh, you’re just making yourself out to be the victim”? Most of us don’t. But just because something we experience isn’t physically violent doesn’t make us any less a victim of neglect, ignorance, carelessness, or emotional abuse.

I was accused of “making myself seem like a victim” by explaining to someone the things I’ve felt and experienced from living here as if I was just trying to justify my venting. To me, telling someone that is just one’s way of averting guilt. Nobody wants to be guilty of hurting someone, and they certainly don’t want to have to admit it. We’re all just 100% innocent, and it’s everyone else’s fault for however they’re feeling.

I know that the things I’ve said have been hurtful, even though it was never my intention. I have never insisted otherwise. It makes me wonder if they think I’m just sitting here all high and mighty, believing that I’ve done no harm. I know I have. I just didn’t mean to. I’ve only reacted to negative experiences; I didn’t instigate them. Nothing I’ve said has been malicious. That’s just not who I am.