Trans loneliness.?

[Laura J]

I was just wondering about this, and if you dears feel this way sometimes.? 

Do you ever get lonely having to spend a lot of time out in the world, like school, job, shopping & errands & whatever,
where people don't know and accept you totally, with so few places you can truly be the real you..?

I know this topic won't resinate with everyone, but I often feel lonely to just be around other trans friends in real life. 

I mean, I love my CIS wife and handful of friends I have locally, but being at ease and just talking from my heart is difficult
or impossible around them, as nice as they are, and caring as I know they are towards me, we just live in different worlds within ourselves,
and have certain differences that are unsurpassable.?

Just wondered if some of you feel like that too.?  
 

[Deleted]

Even though my spouse accepts me the way I am she has been excruciatingly slow about accepting other trans people. Much of that is my own fault for being a flirt early into transition and inadvertently encouraging other trans women to take an inappropriate interest in me. So since 2007 I have been on a self imposed short leash in terms of any connections with other trans people for the sake of regaining her trust. So yes, I can say that during that time I felt that same loneliness and a sense of disconnection and estrangement from those of my own kind until recently. I've had coffee a few times with Brooke Hall, a rather classy looking young trans woman who lives close by and occasionally posted on the other site, I met Topher "Meta" for lunch and a tromp in the boondocks searching for an Elk herd, he is a cool guy and I'm fond of him. Then there is Julie, she won my wife's heart and dispelled all of her preconceived notions about trans types and I love her for it! I showed Laura Patty's photo and suggested that we might fly to Florida next year and hang out there with her and maybe yourself and Trinity, she's kicking that idea around and thought Patty looked pretty and sounded normal. So things are looking up, but in the interim I enjoy meeting with you and others here as it fills that lonely spot for the time being.

[Deleted]

Dec 21, 2014 8:08:20 GMT 8 Shan said:

Even though my spouse accepts me the way I am she has been excruciatingly slow about accepting other trans people. Much of that is my own fault for being a flirt early into transition and inadvertently encouraging other trans women to take an inappropriate interest in me. So since 2007 I have been on a self imposed short leash in terms of any connections with other trans people for the sake of regaining her trust. So yes, I can say that during that time I felt that same loneliness and a sense of disconnection and estrangement from those of my own kind until recently. I've had coffee a few times with Brooke Hall, a rather classy looking young trans woman who lives close by and occasionally posted on the other site, I met Topher "Meta" for lunch and a tromp in the boondocks searching for an Elk herd, he is a cool guy and I'm fond of him. Then there is Julie, she won my wife's heart and dispelled all of her preconceived notions about trans types and I love her for it! I showed Laura Patty's photo and suggested that we might fly to Florida next year and hang out there with her and maybe yourself and Trinity, she's kicking that idea around and thought Patty looked pretty and sounded normal. So things are looking up, but in the interim I enjoy meeting with you and others here as it fills that lonely spot for the time being.

Unfortunately I can't get out, wife is too fearful and I stilllwalk very carefully.

Would have to sneak, and I don't sneak.

Wish I could.

[Deleted]

Dec 21, 2014 8:56:23 GMT 8 Trinity said:

Dec 21, 2014 8:08:20 GMT 8 Shan said:

Even though my spouse accepts me the way I am she has been excruciatingly slow about accepting other trans people. Much of that is my own fault for being a flirt early into transition and inadvertently encouraging other trans women to take an inappropriate interest in me. So since 2007 I have been on a self imposed short leash in terms of any connections with other trans people for the sake of regaining her trust. 

Unfortunately I can't get out, wife is too fearful and I stilllwalk very carefully.

Would have to sneak, and I don't sneak.

Wish I could.

Trust is the crux of it all, and if you break that then you're done. It will take time and a lot of amicable conversations to get to that place. I would imagine that West Indian women are comparable to Hispanic women when it comes to trusting their S.O. so it may be a long uphill climb for you Trinity. I dunno, just and educated guess.

[Deleted]

Passionate people, you are quite right dear

And to Mark's point, I feel.it too, but between the phone and now that aameeting it is mitigated. That I do not hide.

When with my wife I stay fully present to her, no calls, no texts. On bathroom breaks I catch up with the forum, and Mon ties Thursday Friday I get an hour or two full transition and on forum in the morning.

It is an inch at a time, but now there are many inches.

[Laura J]

So now listen to this, this will blow your mind.

I made this topic just a couple hours ago, and really was feeling like the topic says, and just 10 minutes ago Paula Ann, I don't think she's a member here?, emails me on Fb and invited us up to visit in Jacksonville for a while..

Tell me that's a coincidence.?
Now to talk wife into a mini vacation..

Feeling so happy..

[Laura J]

I hope your life will return to normal too, with you in it. I know you've had more than your share to deal with. I guess many have here.. Probably there's much in store for me also, in the weeks, months and years ahead..


I've felt energized in the past month or so, yeah I have plenty bad shit to to deal with, due to my health issues I may not wake up one of these mornings, I don't know.? But for today, I'm happy, I feel good, I feel lots of positiveness inside. I want to share it, I want to hang out with people sometimes who get me, and who its okay to talk about being trans with. I'm sorry, but I dont have people in my life i can do that with, with very much honesty except for an hour or so a week if I see Trinity.
I want to meet as many of my trans friends as I can, I mean I've shared more with them/you than anyone else in my life. If I get a rare opportunity to drive a couple hours to have lunch or spend some time with someone I feel things in common with but have never met, I very much want to do that, and it makes me really happy and excited to think about.
I may be suffering and doing bad at any time, but as long as I feel good, I want to take advantage of every positive opportunity I get.. And I am.!

[Patty]

Dec 21, 2014 10:20:29 GMT 8 Laura J said:

So now listen to this, this will blow your mind.

I made this topic just a couple hours ago, and really was feeling like the topic says, and just 10 minutes ago Paula Ann, I don't think she's a member here?, emails me on Fb and invited us up to visit in Jacksonville for a while..

Tell me that's a coincidence.?
Now to talk wife into a mini vacation..

Feeling so happy..

    God works in amazing ways be thankful.    Patty

[Malachite]

I feel trans loneliness all the time. I can't relate to cis people, and it's even hard for me tor relate to other trans people.

[Laura J]

Feb 7, 2015 16:21:03 GMT 8 Malachite said:

I feel trans loneliness all the time. I can't relate to cis people, and it's even hard for me tor relate to other trans people.

It can be really hard relating to people in general, especially when we have unique experiences and feelings few others share. 
Just try and be open when someone does come along who you can share with and relate to on some level, they are out there, just sometimes hard to find. 
I have 1 CIS friend who I know "gets me", and you all here in this group, that's honestly all.  I guess by some standards that seems lonely, and it feels that way a lot. But we all just have what we have, to some it may seem lonely, to others it may sound like a gift. 
No matter what though, you are related to, and cared about here.! 

[Edge]

I've actually been gradually feeling less lonely since coming out as trans and starting to transition. I am me everywhere I go though. I currently have friends who accept me for who I am as far as I can tell which is something I have had trouble with before. I've always been odd and that's often made it difficult to relate to people (including other trans people), but I've come to a place mentally where I enjoy being who I am and that's made a whole lot of difference.

[Deleted]

Feb 7, 2015 16:21:03 GMT 8 Malachite said:

I feel trans loneliness all the time. I can't relate to cis people, and it's even hard for me tor relate to other trans people.

Welcome Malachite, glad you made it here past the Barrier Reef and the Great White Sharks, such a long swim dear friend!

[Deleted]

Nowhere have I felt such a kindred spirit as here and meeting Patty and Mark. The hugs are long, sometimes tears have flowed.

It's just like that.

[Laura J]

Yes, I'm totally comfortable with you Trinity, more than anyone I've met in recent memory.. For me that's very rare,but my soul always feels at peace around you..

For everyone's info, trinity and I spent a nice while talking together this morning at our AA meeting.

[Deleted]

It all depends on your situation, doesn't it? I don't know what it is about this town, but people here are good to me. Nobody that I knew personally before I came out has turned their back on me. They've all been very accepting and have continued to be friendly to me. That being the case, I actually get lonely for cisgender company. I work from home, and there are times I wish I could find something outside the home so I could be out more often. I also have the advantage of being unattached, so I don't have any SO watching over my activities.

I am a member of an LGBT group that I attend fairly often so I'm not lacking for LGBT company.  But it is nice to be able to get out and pretend that you're a "normal" person like everybody else.

Actually, when I think about this town, it makes me angry sometimes.  People here have proven that nobody is ever compelled to harass LGBT people.  If they do it, they do it out of choice and the nastiness of their mean little hearts.  If they'd just leave us alone to get on with our business, they'd find that the sky's not going to fall on their heads.