Advice or experience on job interviews and results trans

[Deleted]

If anyone has any suggestions before my interview on Thursday regarding handling it through either appearence or direct reference to trans, I would welcome this.

The pics are in the pic thread, I am nonbinary presenting.  I also am a bit of a chameleon, the need to be in your face trans at work in Florida has diminished somewhat in the NY environment.  Its a different job setting, a different dynamic, and it depends on what i can be doing.  Like others here, I can be subtle and in a suit, but still fully myself and fully revealed, as any gendered person is in a suit.   The revelation is not dependant on the clothes, the gender reveals itself naturally in a hundred ways.

I already know it will most likely be an interview that is  - they have this problem, your resume indicates you can solve or contribute to solving this problem, do you want to work for us doing this specific skill set to solve this problem, here is the money and the other conditions we can give you -.  

If the problem involves travel and sales, the presentation for the interview needs to look like I can interact comfortably from redneck to whatever the opposite of that is.  High roller to construction worker. 

If it is all bean counting and aggressive estimating, I would think I could come in with the feather earing in, if the general feel of the office supports that.  But not to interview.  Even a diamond stud, I'd be careful of, thats not a trans signal anyway its more to me a rebel signal.

I may or may not wear my rainbow ring, that is a 5 stone ring with two diamond borders, all fake, all crystal.  Beautiful ring.  But, too many rings, a negative?  Or toned down with my nice female associated amythist ring?   Maybe so... standard look there.

I talked of trimming nails to female interview standard levels, shaped.  Not going in with high polished nails.

These are all presentation things.   I need to look confident and successful.  Like I make money in sales, bling included.

My thoughts are that my gender should now be just my gender, I can talk about it, or I can just be it and live a normal life, just knowing that behind closed doors, there is a very feminine individual under the social core.   And that component, or essence of self, shows at times, as does the other essence of self, which is the very strong man behind the curtain...and all in harmony and sometimes at the same time.

But to hear of others experiences, mistakes, wins, that could be helpful, and may help other nonbinaries that read our life experience, take hope, and live in truth.

I'm on the road but should be able to check in once I get to the City from the farm and mountain country.

One final, my two closest nonbinary friends, one that lives female, and one that lives mysteriously (HAH!), advise that it should be addressed up front, that I am trans.  I would prefer just being it as opposed to talking about it.  The head of the place will know his business well enough to sense if bringing me in would blow certain narrow minded brains, or if its a non issue.

Hence, do I wear the rainbow ring... mix the male and female jewelry, in a way that is tasteful and attractive.  I think maybe so...or maybe not.... if it makes me self conscious, probably not.

Thoughts please, even if you don't think you have much to say....

Blessings

Trinity.

[EchelonHunt]

They aren't going to care about the jewellery you're wearing, as long as it is neat and subtle, you'll be fine.

I would say, stick to neutral jewellery (gold or silver studs/earrings/watch), then you can introduce colour (gems, crystals, etc.) when you succeed in getting the job.

Hope all goes well, keep us updated!

[Deleted]

Quite the reality shock here. More later, thanks.

[Deleted]

Selfishness goes. Others needs must be met. In time, they will know our truth.

Now is not the time for self. It is a moment to seize, a pivot point.

Business mode, but subtle hints will show.

More later.


Deep rabbit hole. Selflessness is the core of it, helping others, wisdom.

People need me here in ny. They are so old...

[Ativan Prescribed]

Don't create controversy when none is needed or expected.
It's a job interview, you don't want it to be about anything but that.
If it is a concern, you can ask their policies concerning trans rights and even the atmosphere in the area that the interview is for, or the entire company.
1st impressions are important, you have less than the time it takes to shake the interviewers hand to present a solid impression.
You need to show confidence in yourself, and leave controversial things for the very end.
If you think you aced it, then you can ask their policies and what the general atmosphere is concerning trans related things.
It's very difficult for people to even begin to understand TS, let alone NB in most cases, so leave the specifics alone.
Tell them it is a concern of yours, that a company that supports others equal rights is a concern of yours, that it shows integrity of a workplace to support it's employee's.
Feel it out without making yourself controversial.
For potential hires, any controversy that is more than they usually allow for can knock the odds out of your favor.
But if it is going to be a deal breaker in the future, inquire about it in a way that puts them on the spot, not yourself.
You simply have to tell them that equal rights is controversial and that you're interested in their take on it.
Then it becomes your decision, not theirs as to whether you will be working for them or not.
You're not obligated in an interview to reveal anything about gender, unless it is going to be, like I said, a deal breaker for you.
That is the only time you need to be upfront about it, for yourself, not for them.
If they are not concerned, then you needn't be and don't need to say a thing.
Fit it in with other questions about company policies, just asking what they are and asking for the truth shows that you are mentally investing in them.
It's about priorities, theirs and yours, inquiring shows a higher interest in the company, let them tell you, not you telling them.
They have their questions to ask, when they are done, it becomes your turn to ask them about your concerns, but you don't need to tell them anything.
If they do call you back, it is based on your abilities, not on gender. When they make an offer, that is the time to be upfront if you think it might be a concern for you based on what they tell you in an interview.
You're interviewing them as well, but you need to win them over first.
Then you should be upfront if you think it is necessary based on how well they did in the interview.
Gender isn't a part of your qualifications, how they treat gender is a part of their qualifications.
You should be upfront about it, but it should be left on the back burners.
You wouldn't walk in and make it an issue up front, because they aren't going to.
You do it when the timing is right, and that's after all of your qualifications are in consideration and an offer is made.

*yep, I know I repeated myself several times there, but you know how that works with me...

[Deleted]

Repetition is needed with me.


This is as wild, unexpected scenario. It's the final Sprint before retirement. And look how gender issues have stabilized and fallen into place now. I'm actually kind of surprised at that, and clarity elsewhere.


Man it's expensive up here, 750 grand for a three bedroom house. Cheaper to commute from Orlando. And I might...

My ex boss, the guy pulling me in, was there at work when I proposed to my wife over lunch. She couldn't type, she kept looking at her diamond and staring at it.


They gave her the rest of the day off. Good guy...

I'm gunna be me but look like I was accustomed to in management. And how I was handled in Florida, I'm done. Once the ink is dry, it's finished.

Curious how much of presenting hard andro or female was based on insecurity, making a statement, or out of control dysphoria caused by an error in perspective.


The amethyst ring stays. That is enough.
I'm known in this town.i have a name and reputation here, it's a resurfacing, respect will be given.

So, down the hole we go...

It's a temporary run. Great advice kiddos...

Seriously. Makes a difference.

Fuzzy and I going to races Friday in ct after a day in Manhattan...

:-)

[Leena]

If you need practice interviewing, have you considered applying for jobs you don't actually want? I do that all the time when I'm job hunting, I find, while totally outside of my field, I can get tons of interviews applying to sales and marketing positions I don't want...

[Deleted]

Yes it's all good. Wonder what box to check on an insurance application, both male and female are correct..but not as a single selection.


In this business I can do any job they have except weld. I don't know what they'll try to slot me in, like gender, boxes are limiting. They could go consultant, guru, manager, estimator, project manager, purchasing, traveling sales. Visionary with backing or number crunchers. My job is chatting about my resume, skill constellation, and the biz in general.

The look can be males hair sprayed back, or andro. I may spray it back, if the question arises I'll tell them I'm an androgyne and have different appearances depending on social settings.

I'll go in corporate, and may shed the jacket. If they see my Tits they see them.

It's a game I know, I'll have fun playing it here. All depends on what they need, and how much they want to invest to gain more.


Ny has conflicting emotions, both sets of parents need help, I can do that here. The poverty is old, ego, mismanagement and lack of investment in people has killed my current company, they may seem survive, or I may grab my following and customer base as well as the base from another company that just got out, and run that in Orlando.

Anything can happen, my ex boss who is the national sales manager at this place wanted me back for years.


Time for me to grow up, get ego, fear, and gender out of my way, and make a Mark for trans by being successful, respected, and Nonbinary. The excuse of being trans and not worthy of a high powered job is bullshit and I learned self esteem here, the negative became an asset instead.


Gotta go, great advice here throughout. Let's see if the dollars work...

Blessings

Trinity

[Deleted]

Research on the job has been disturbing. Wife is dressing me up star power, actually I like it, very professional.

Good money, questionable ethics, and family here too.


50 to 60 hour work week.

Choices. I'll need to really get them to talk.

More later.

[Deleted]

Ethics are ok...

They hired me. I accepted. Interviewed stealth, with rings, subtle.

Body language kept going different ways.

All good.

Trinity

[Deleted]

Any comments on that choice to stealth?

I didn't pick up on the bigotry I sense at the old job.


New bosses seem ok. Classic New Yorkers.

Agree or disagree about dialed so far back? Probably raised income a bit going all pro business presentation.

Certainly was relaxed to go to strength component and let him run it. My she was handling intuition, body language, caring....

But he was after the prize. So I showed up....

[Ativan Prescribed]

It isn't stealth, it is being the part of you that you needed to be, no more, no less.

[Leena]

Most everyone of any gender dials it back a bit, in some way or another, in a job interview. It should be about one's ability to do the job, and not one's appearance.

[Deleted]

insert code here
I had fun revealing that part of me. It is interesting that the same body language and authority I had before hitting the trans "wall" was triggered by environment. I've played with the big boys before. My natural state at rest will be far more towards the aggressive and in control corportate side here. But the whole dynamic of self was different in this interview from past ones. With the freeing up, the non concern over feminity exposing itself, I became more relaxed, more in control emotionally, and as that energy of self was free, it was in the dynamics of the interview, relaxing, reading, soothing the interviewer in subtle ways, relishing talk of old contacts and work as it was three decades ago while we participated in the altering of the Manhattan skyline.

The nonbinary self is far more valuable than any other self image or freed truth I have experienced before. The loving dynamo of compassion in truth, the spiritual core that I was able to show in the interview as part of who I am, and the take charge person of the past that knew exactly what that place was and how it works based on life experience, these are now harnessed to serve the trinity factor if you will, the Neo effect, that ability to pull out of subjective feeling and see based on a different vision of the whole, and play that as an instrument while the music of gender sings in harmony deep inside.

I had forgotten who I was, they had not. The people I work for now, they saw it early on, but they chose and I chose to ignore it while I healed from the northern stalkings of the family and the resulting damage to my wife and children, and heal from a tough transition exascerbated by the advice of those who saw only the way of complete change, not knowing the complete change is deep inside us as we get freed, and the outside eventually reflects the diamond core of trans.

I am pleased. Your comments have helped. I hope mine help someone else out there too.

Now, Fuzzy and Dad go to Manhattan to play and look at dinosaurs, then, to old places including where we were stalked, and finally tonight, we will watch the modifieds race at a track associated with the joy of fatherhood and love. Her complaint of losing her Dad was heard and she will not lose anything, instead, she will gain even more as the nurturing reaches into her heart and heals her wounds.

Blessings

Trinity

[Deleted]

These are very big boys...and i'm staying all pro and subtle regarding gender.

Good heavens this is a wild one. Guess it was just my time.

Rings and andro style bracelet only. Thats more than enough here.

And no. The two guys that knew about me being mixed wont go anywheres near it. They are burying it, and if i have half a brain I'll see that as a gift.

Big kahunas these guys. Skyline changers.

And i am supposed to be one of the best by reputation.

So i guess i will be. I have to.

Who knew...