When emotional words are misread...

[Deleted]

One of my house mates, Erica, read something I posted on Tumblr about how I felt threatened by the house mate who lashed out at me recently, and how I even felt like she may even be physical with me. Erica said, "if you really think she's going to say anything or *physically* retaliate, much less even talk at all, then you definitely don't know her at all." I told her that no, I didn't know her. I tried, and I really enjoyed talking to her these past few months, but then everything went to hell. So, because of Erica's interpretation of my post I felt compelled to write the following:

How you feel is never easy to convey to others, especially when you don’t have the right words or when your words are constantly misinterpreted. The things I say on Facebook or Tumblr are just the raw emotions coming through that may or may not have any lasting weight. More often it’s just unleashing frustrations, anger and sadness. Sometimes a mesh of all three. If I say something here that’s coming from an intense emotional state it doesn’t necessarily reflect reality aside from the feeling itself which is very real.

Typically, people who are on the autism spectrum think very linearly and literally, but I’ve always been on the flip side of that. My brain sees things like a Picasso painting, and as complex as they are I have the cognitive ability to see every colourful segment. That’s what I see before I see the entire painting as a whole. So, taking anything I say literally is a big mistake, and it will not give you a very good insight into who I am.

I speak more matter-of-fact when going over theories, facts, and psychological observations. When speaking emotionally, I “expel words” into seemingly linear patterns which are just shapes and symbols, essentially, that help me feel better. So, when someone starts assuming things about my intentions or my words it really hurts, and it hurts even more when I am completely dismissed when I try to explain myself.

This is why I isolate as much as I do, and have no significant social life. Living with five other people is something I’ve never done ever in my life until I moved into this house last year, so it has been a huge challenge. It’s a social situation that I’m not used to, and haven’t been able to properly communicate. Because of that I have ranted and vented many times just to get through the day without saying or doing anything that would upset anyone. In the end, I still upset people, and I hate that. And it just seems as if I’m not allowed to feel anything, or that whatever I may feel is irrelevant.

So, I won’t be living in a situation like this ever again. I can’t. I never intended any hostility or pain, so I can’t put anyone through that a second time.

[EchelonHunt]

Ugh, people suck when they have to take offense to another's feelings or feel the need to twist your words to suit their defensive agenda.

Erica may just be trying to defend her friend's reputation, to avoid her being painted as someone she possibly isn't but in doing so, she has dismissed your feelings. She has failed to remain neutral and is biased to her friend, it's shitty but it happens when people know each other longer than you've known them.

You are allowed to feel and express yourself. It is your right as a human being. But if I were in your position, I would refrain from posting my thoughts and feelings of the matter on spaces where people involved follow/watch you, as it can be seen as beating a dead horse, so to speak.

Nobody can take that right away from you. Anybody who tries to should take a few steps back and take a good, long hard look at themselves as a person.

You are welcome to vent your feelings here, your housemates (as far as I know) don't know this forum exists. If they do somehow find out and start trouble, I will ban them outright, I have no tolerance for pettiness.

[Deleted]

Erica complains about them, too, but I guess she thought I was being ridiculous. My feelings aren't ridiculous. It doesn't matter what I say or how false my fears may be, because I still feel intimidated. I guess she just doesn't understand how that works.

[Ativan Prescribed]

I get it, I am not that far away from Asperger's myself. It is damn hard to say what I want with those around me, and they are totally aware of my needs.
Writing on a forum is a very potent way to express ideas and feelings, but even then, I feel I come up short in expressing emotions in an acceptable way.
It doesn't take much sometimes to set me back, to have the need to rethink the emotional values I have at times.
I read a lot of what you're saying, and wonder how others read it as well. I'm more than good with it, there is an undefined connection to it.
I've missed your writings lately, I'm just assuming you're taking a break of a sort, hoping it is nothing more than that.
I know how easy it is to become burnt out and become withdrawn to recenter self and hopefully be the better person for it.
There is a lot to consider in what you write, there is a strength to it that is behind a lot of what you write, it shouldn't be taken literally.
What emotions that aren't readily seen on the surface are right behind what is seen, what is read. Well worth reading and taking considerations into.