I think I’m “borderlining” on BPD

[Ativan Prescribed]

Only the people who are the closest to me IRL know or realize what I go through.
Breakdowns are pretty much confined and short lived, but not always.
Abandonment is one that comes and goes, I have to check in on that on every so often.
Everyone who is involved with me as a support team hears about it from time to time, if I don't ask, I start to assume things that aren't true.
Just over stimulated for whatever reason that leads to a meltdown that I'm sometimes not really aware of really sucks.
I have a quiet room that I can shut down everything and hardly hear any outside noises. It's acoustically insulated.
I have music that I've found that helps, but there are times I can't even do that. It's not as difficult to deal with as that sounds.

[Taka]

onoken's blue orb and swell strings are albums that help me. that music can dissipate my anger really effectively.

i also feel like everybody would be abandon me for the slightest misstep, but i blame it on hero child behavior.
my parents have truly not made much effort to ensure my happiness, and have to a very large degree pushed their responsibilities onto me.
got help onsome other forumto identify the problem. really helped me figure out what i have to do in order to not lose myself to despair.
first step is of course to blame my parents for all they did wrong. next to take responsibility for all the stupid choices i made because i let them influence me. acknowledging i had a choice also helped see why i made the choices i did, and come to terms with the young self's reasoning.
no point regretting having made the best choice i could think of back then. now i know why it was wrong, but i didn't understand that in the past.

i have the emotional traits of bpd, but not the behavioral ones. which means i don't have it.
i just feel like crap a whole lot of the time. too much emotion.
but i'm stable enough to not act on my emotions, so it isnt all that bad.
except for getting some sympathy. i never get any because i never express myself honestly.
and then when i do express myself, people still don't get it. too detached form of expression. whoever says perfectly calmly that they're getting really angry...

[A terrible entity]

I have BPD and may finaly be getting a clinical diagnosis. It's tiring, especially switching between emotional states and trying not to end up as an emotionally manipulative abuser - trust me this can be hard because I need validation, attention and reassurance all the time. As it is I end up bitching about people behind their backs because I have to get this stuff out and then hope it doesn't get back to them. It's very easy to get caught up in destructive behaviour, I self harm and have a very disordered relationship with food which flares up every so often into full blown anorexia.

The need for validation comes from a very fragile sense of self - I feel like a shadow thing wrapped around an aching void - it's really hard for me to see my own worth or the worth of my endeavours, which makes it really hard to finish things. I feel like I exist most of the time, which is not living at all. My BPD has a massively negative affect on my life and ability to function, it's possible that you may have BPD, the diagnosis is deliberately vague, but if you are managing to function you may not want to push for a diagnosis because a) it can take fucken ages for people to take you seriously - I actually had to attempt suicide to get help and b) if it's not massively impacting on your ability to function you're probably already managing it okay.

[Taka]

my sense of self is something that has been fairly clear to me since a young age, but that's probably because i've been accused a lot of being someone i am not. defining things is most easily done by stating what it is not, after all.
but selnse of self worth has been rather non-existent, and i've lacked assertiveness. so it's not like others have ever gotten to know a real me. pretending to be someone else has at least created a useful persona for taking care of the survival part of life. i'm trying to break that one down however. it's served its purpose and no longer has any value to me.

[drew225]

I have a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder. Gender dysphoria and eating disorder.
I often think did one cause the other.
Chicken and the egg stuff.
I used to lecture on bpd before the non binary issue came to light buttons that has opened up a new can of worms. I think there may be a connection between them. I'm working on that theory at the moment.

[Ayla]

Aug 25, 2015 4:45:19 GMT 8 drew225 said:

I have a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder. Gender dysphoria and eating disorder.
I often think did one cause the other.
Chicken and the egg stuff.
I used to lecture on bpd before the non binary issue came to light buttons that has opened up a new can of worms. I think there may be a connection between them. I'm working on that theory at the moment.

Putting a name to my 'disorder' ie gender dysphoria and understanding my non binary identity were two of the most powerful and transformative learnings in my life to date.  They helped me understand and to address so much that they helped power me out of the darkness that I had started to use to cover my 'fetish', 'kink' or 'damage'.  Normally I don't like giving any threat, a label or a name, as it seems to increase their power but here these discoveries launched me from shadow into sun light.

Some of us have many more, and in some cases, greater issues to understand and to address.  While I don't have as much insight or as experience here, I listen and I care.  Skilled therapy has helped.  Finding and accessing such therapy can be more problematic

safe travels

Aisla

[Ativan Prescribed]

I like this, I hear it in my head when things get to me, it's a reminder of what it is.
Fading, just falling into my condition.

Richie Kotzen : You can't save me...

[Deleted]

If there was a reason that I am relentlessly loving, almost fierce about it, its something like that video.

Yeah it touched me. Right in the core it touched me.

I've stayed out of this thread. It feels like a hallowed place somehow. Somewhere I should not interfere.

Trinity.