so, how important is presenting...

[Deleted]

For prudence sake, I need to dial back from female presenting to androgyne female, at my AA meetings.

I did learn a lot by pushing that boundary. I'm not going to like dialing back.


Thoughts on presenting, our truth, dialing back socially, and pushing past comfort zones...

How do you personally present for your max comfort? Is dysphoria or gender identity tied to that? Or is it separated, and style is just style?, while identity is just you, presenting not being important?

blessings dear ones,
Trinity

[Leena]

I really only feel presenting androgynous male, perhaps there might be more this and that might mean that's truly where I am.

I don't feel comfortable at all presenting as a blue collar male type, and even less comfortable as ultra feminine.

While styles come and go, identities really do not. People of any gender tend to gravitate towards styles that they either like, or look good in though.

In an ideal situation, I would present a bit less toned down, but androgynous male works for me, even if it is often only slightly.

[Ativan Prescribed]

I do present for my max comfort. But for me, that is by blending in, in a way that is acceptable to others, yet still stand out.
If I went with how I feel, I would be changing my presentation way to many times a day, a week, a month.
I look pretty much the same everyday, and it isn't so out of the ordinary that people will react in very negative ways.
I suppose a lot of the reason for that is for both my own safety, as well as theirs.
I ain't about to take shit from some asshole, never have. A few carefully chosen words is usually all it takes to make them go away.
But there are those times, and they are becoming less all the time, that some asshole just has to try and get all physically intimidating.
That doesn't go over very well, and can lead to bigger problems, especially if I either take them down or back away.
Most assholes just don't know when to quit. So I tend to just blend in and ignore the occasional stupid remark, I can let those go.

It helps to not be making a statement of some kind when it isn't necessary, you stand out and people notice and one thing leads to another.
I'd rather just live life on my terms and not have to deal with others terms, so I don't give most people a reason to have that need to explain to me their world view.
I know who I am, I know it very well, have for most of my life, mistakes made and lesson's learned.
I really don't care if anyone recognizes me for my gender as it is, I don't really care about theirs, as well. It's pretty neutral.

I don't get into what's fashionable as well, just because you are wearing what is supposed to be the new look doesn't mean it looks good on you.
So the same thing holds true for presentation as well. If it suites your personality, then it fits and looks right, either presentation or just fashion.
You can tell a lot about people by how they present themselves to the world, just as much as you can by their posture, body language, etc.

How I present depends entirely on where I am going to be. I live in the country between a metro area and a small college town, I fit in.
I can easily do a three piece business suit and walk into a corporate board meeting and own it if I want and have.
But casual that attracts little attention is more my style of presentation, regardless of how my gender feels and needs to reflect that, and it does.
Pushing the boundaries to see what will happen, stepping out of that comfort zone just isn't important to me.
I'd much rather push my own personal boundaries to see if my comfort zone can keep up with that, presentation is a pretty insignificant thing in comparison.
It seems like it would interfere with what I expect out of life for myself, take up to much thought, time, money, etc.
Don't get me wrong, properly fitting clothes that look good goes a long ways in just being me, in blending in.
And that's just the thing, blending in has a lot of benefit, it allows me to go about my business as I see fit.
But I generally do keep myself presentable as a habit, it opens doors that can lead to unexpected opportunities in life, you just need to walk through them.
And that ability is important to me. Life is full of unexpected opportunities, so why waste them?
That's what my presentation consists of, looking for the things that life presents to me, to be ready for it, to be able to own those moments, regardless.
I don't let my gender get in the way of what life has to offer.

[Deleted]

Ativan,

I could see you in a 3 piece business suit made out of camo.

Cool thread, more later. My avatar is how I live outside, at work, AA... and it's very me.


That's in full makeup too.  Takes out circles under the eyes, the eyes are very pretty, to me.   Hair loss is a problem..

But to the point, not to look fabulous, darlings, this feels comfortable, it's not forced, it's me.  When I move and the body shifts weight and broadcasts female wired, if I was male presenting, I'd be acutely uncomfortable..  took a long time to unblock fear and move the way I did before the theater.  Natural ...swing...included.

Cool thread.   I probably need to male stealth up for my prostate exam.   Or not.

[megan]

I suppose I would like to look more androgynous but well I just don't have the body type for it and I'm not invested enough in physical appearances to take the effort it would take to make it happen. I also hate having to dress professionally in general (and I'm in social work so our professional is really not all that professional). I just hate clothes in general and would prefer if it were socially acceptable to not wear clothes or at least to wear a nice shapeless mumu with lots of pockets but apparently that makes one look frumpy and unprofessional...

I also have just sort of resigned to the fact that most people will never see me as anything other than a woman and I can deal with that as long as my friends and family accept me as I really am.

[Edge]

To me, it's important to present as who I am for comfort reasons.
When I was first exploring my transness, I cut my hair because I thought I should and wore button up shirts because I was told it would hide my shape better. I was warned away from t-shirts, especially ones with designs on them. I ended up being even more miserable because I kept being mistaken for a butch woman. Not only was I still not recognized as male, I had been so wrapped up in trying to be that I ended up presenting as someone very different from who I am. So I started growing my hair out and wearing band t-shirts and have felt much better ever since.
Personally, I do not see my gender identity tied to that since I want to present as a metalhead no matter what gender I am. Other people think it is though. Whenever I come out as genderfluid (or, as I word it, more fluid than I let on), people keep thinking I mean in terms of presentation. Heck, I've even heard from a tomboy/punk rock chick who really should know better that she would love to see me explore more feminine expressions. Yeah. A punk rock chick needed to be reminded that women can be metalheads.