Post by Deleted on Jun 9, 2015 10:53:18 GMT 8
You really find out who your friends are when you need help and it annoys them to give it... when they treat you like you're just a burden on them. It's interesting how priorities differ, and what some are willing to do over other things they are not so willing.
Friendship is not supposed to be conditional, at least not in my book. I pay to live here, and I pay for my own food. Sure, I often need help getting to the end of the month, and I need transportation occasionally. Do you think I enjoy having to borrow or ask for rides? It's humiliating. To be assumed that I don't care about any of that, insinuating that I might even prefer it, is a stab to the gut.
If I could leave here right now, I would, but I don't have the means... not yet.
My decision-making process isn't linear. The way I see things is like Neo when he starts seeing all the code. I can't just jump when someone says frog. I have to see the synergy in everything in front of me before I can make a decision, and this can't seem to make any sense to anyone.
We see everything through two different lenses. Through their lens they have a very shallow depth of field. Through my lens I see the things beyond what is in focus. I have to take that realm of possibility into account while they're insisting that I accept what is obvious. It's just far more complex to me than that. If there is no synergy between my options then I can't make a move. I have to fit all of the pieces together so I can see the overall picture.
To those who haven't tuned themselves to that frequency of awareness will see me as crazy for not taking heed of the obvious in favor of random potential. They see the surface so clearly, and it makes sense. I see the shapes, colors, lines and codes beneath the surface. I see them searching for critical mass, for that synergy. When it happens then everything lines up, I see the path before me, and I know exactly what to do...but not until that moment.
So, I may have anxiety, stress and frustration before this conjunction occurs, but it's not me being helpless or "doing nothing". I'm operating on a level some people are just not able to understand. I can't help it, and if people want to treat me like I'm less than a friend because of it, then I'm happy to oblige them with my total absence indefinitely.
Friendship is not supposed to be conditional, at least not in my book. I pay to live here, and I pay for my own food. Sure, I often need help getting to the end of the month, and I need transportation occasionally. Do you think I enjoy having to borrow or ask for rides? It's humiliating. To be assumed that I don't care about any of that, insinuating that I might even prefer it, is a stab to the gut.
If I could leave here right now, I would, but I don't have the means... not yet.
My decision-making process isn't linear. The way I see things is like Neo when he starts seeing all the code. I can't just jump when someone says frog. I have to see the synergy in everything in front of me before I can make a decision, and this can't seem to make any sense to anyone.
We see everything through two different lenses. Through their lens they have a very shallow depth of field. Through my lens I see the things beyond what is in focus. I have to take that realm of possibility into account while they're insisting that I accept what is obvious. It's just far more complex to me than that. If there is no synergy between my options then I can't make a move. I have to fit all of the pieces together so I can see the overall picture.
To those who haven't tuned themselves to that frequency of awareness will see me as crazy for not taking heed of the obvious in favor of random potential. They see the surface so clearly, and it makes sense. I see the shapes, colors, lines and codes beneath the surface. I see them searching for critical mass, for that synergy. When it happens then everything lines up, I see the path before me, and I know exactly what to do...but not until that moment.
So, I may have anxiety, stress and frustration before this conjunction occurs, but it's not me being helpless or "doing nothing". I'm operating on a level some people are just not able to understand. I can't help it, and if people want to treat me like I'm less than a friend because of it, then I'm happy to oblige them with my total absence indefinitely.
