Dealing with casual transphobia

[Anato]

So the Caitlyn Jenner thing happened and now everyone is talking about it. And I'm seeing the ugly side from people at work and home.

My mom thinks that after seeing all the women in the kardashian family get successful off their looks screwed up 'Bruce' and 'he' thought 'he' could make more money by having a sex change. I just gaped at her and started browsing on my phone stonewalling her. I wanted to tell her to shut her fucking mouth, but what good would that do. Oooh the trans person got offended! Actually, I still question my identity, but something about people saying stupid shit about trans people makes me feel like I'm being personally attacked and I hate them.

People at work are saying things like "That trans stuff is even weirder then being gay" and people agreed with that. People I NEVER thought would say things like that agreed with it, and now I don't even want to be around them anymore. I hate people. How can they be so goddamn insensitive about something like this? They treat Caitlyn and trans people like they're spectacles, and worse yet I almost felt comfortable around them enough to tell them I was gender nonconforming. Now I can't.

I don't feel totally at home in trans communities, but I can't feel at home in the fucked up cis world either. I hate this..

[EchelonHunt]

I know how you feel It's awful. On the bright side, I found out one of my high-school friends who knew I was transgender back then. Back then, she helped one of my classmates understand the message of my trans-related drawing I did. It surprised me that she knew what I was trying to convey.

Just a day or so ago, she praised Caitlyn Jenner for having the courage to be herself and used the correct pronouns and everything. (This was on Facebook) Two of her male friends posted immature comments like "Ew" or "Still a dude" yet my friend responded to them calmly that everyone is different and nobody deserves to be treated unfairly for such. She has said her daughter is open-minded and respects those who are different, just as she would anyone else. She got a lot of "likes" for that response. The dudes, not a single one haha because they were being judgemental and rude.

When I worked at my previous job, one of the girls there was hosting a birthday party at the local LGBT bar. The subject of drag queens came up and one guy, who I had gotten along on good terms with, he was very vocal about his opinion that if you're a girl, be a girl, if you're a boy, be a boy. Don't go looking like the opposite gender because "that's gross and wrong." I couldn't help but think perhaps a dude looking insanely attractive as a woman confuses his sexuality and makes him feel ashamed/humiliated over the possibility of finding a dude attractive. But really, that's his problem, it doesn't make it right to tell people what they can and can't do just so you can remain within your comfort zone of what you deem "normalcy". Needless to say, the girl didn't say anything to the guy but she did look visibly disappointed.

I was disappointed too. And on edge because I wasn't out as transgender and feared if I was somehow found out, that the guy wouldn't look at me the same way again.

There's nothing wrong with finding people attractive. Don't know why people have to be so damn homophobic and transphobic about stuff like that. It's no big deal, attraction is attraction, don't lump gender into it and make a huge stink over it.

My parents laughed at Conchita Wurst on TV. My mum shrieked "Is it a he or a she? What is IT???" And Dad said "It's a dude."

I was so fucking appalled by my family's behaviour. So ashamed. It's like... um, HELLO? Your own son is transgendered? Admittedly, Conchita isn't transgender, she's a drag queen but I digress...

It rustles my jimmies to witness my own family be judgemental or shocked of those who don't fit the gender binary so neatly.

[Anato]

Its nice that you know someone who's so supportive of trans issues and was willing to stick up for Caitlyn publicly. I'm learning more and more its really precious to know such people. I think I take it for granted that people should be accepting of trans people. I come to these nonbinary, trans communities and theres so much acceptance that when I go back into the majority culture its like I get really shocked how ignorant and nasty people are about trans issues.

I get what you mean about your family taking issue with Conchita Wurst. Even if she is a drag queen, the kind of ignorance and prejudice directed at drag queens/kings bleeds from cis-sexism, which is why people get disgusted with trans people in general. So, I get the discomfort.

I just cant wait for the gender binary, as a social construct, to at least loosen up over the years so people can just calm the fuck down about all this and accept reality for what it is.