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Post by Deleted on Dec 6, 2014 11:07:14 GMT 8
Two definitions, to be fully accepted in your transition gender, or to be fully hidden as a transsexual and still presenting in your birth gender.
Are you stealth?
I am not stealth. I used to be stealth. My nails are too long, by boobs are getting better, and I wear nice boots.
I am proud I am a transsexual, nonbinary style.
But there is nothing wrong with being stealth.
Are you stealth?
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Post by Sarah on Dec 6, 2014 16:55:33 GMT 8
Yes. Or at least in some ways. I don't disclose that I was male-assigned at birth, and only the people I love know that about me.
But I'm also visibly gender variant in that I'm a female person who presents very androgynously. I'm generally read as a 20-something lesbian, and occasionally as a 16-year-old gay boy.
So... I guess I'm stealth about being transsexual, but not about being non-binary?
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Post by Edge on Dec 6, 2014 21:50:43 GMT 8
I can't be yet. I barely ever pass. On top of that, my son has two biological fathers which would be difficult to explain without coming out. Also, I have a hard time keeping my history under wraps since it is interesting and I would not like to hide it. Not to mention, to be stealth, I'd have to lose all my friends voluntarily. I don't like that idea.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 6, 2014 22:16:15 GMT 8
Yes. Or at least in some ways. I don't disclose that I was male-assigned at birth, and only the people I love know that about me. But I'm also visibly gender variant in that I'm a female person who presents very androgynously. I'm generally read as a 20-something lesbian, and occasionally as a 16-year-old gay boy. So... I guess I'm stealth about being transsexual, but not about being non-binary? You must have transitioned at an early age Sarah, and even so there are never any guarantees that anyone will ever pass perfectly, I congratulate those who deal with it wisely by not allowing it to cause excessive anxiety even as Edge, myself and others here have done, each dealing with their own reality instead of living in a continual delusional state.
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Post by Sarah on Dec 7, 2014 0:35:28 GMT 8
Yes. Or at least in some ways. I don't disclose that I was male-assigned at birth, and only the people I love know that about me. But I'm also visibly gender variant in that I'm a female person who presents very androgynously. I'm generally read as a 20-something lesbian, and occasionally as a 16-year-old gay boy. So... I guess I'm stealth about being transsexual, but not about being non-binary? You must have transitioned at an early age Sarah, and even so there are never any guarantees that anyone will ever pass perfectly, I congratulate those who deal with it wisely by not allowing it to cause excessive anxiety even as Edge, myself and others here have done, each dealing with their own reality instead of living in a continual delusional state. I dunno... it's complicated. I guess like everyone, nah? I transitioned 26-27, so not that young really. I got lucky in some ways with how my body is, and not in others. But the ways I got lucky make it difficult for people to read me as trans. And the way I present... I dunno. Nobody really expects a trans person to look like me I guess? Like I wear collared men's shirts and pants or jeans and my hair is short and my chest is pretty flat and blahblah. So I get read a lot like andro queer women, which means occasionally strangers think I'm a boy, which I'm cool with, except for bathrooms where it's kind of terrifying, but whatever. I don't have to think about passing really which is incredibly privileged and I try to be thankful for that and stuff. But lately I'm kind of pissed at my body for other reasons so it's hard to feel super grateful. As to why I don't disclose? I dunno. It just feels awkward and private. I have a super hard time trusting people, and then it's all tied up with other stuff I don't really want to share with people I don't know well either, so... Yes. I don't know if I'll stay stealth forever, but it works for me now I think.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 7, 2014 1:06:00 GMT 8
Well for you as well as what I said for some on the other site it really wouldn't make sense to disclose anything. I don't even disclose because in my case people just assume and really that's no one else's business anyway. What I've always felt perplexing is how some people just feel compelled to disclose personal things about themselves. I think it's somehow seated in some inner guilt and they just can't resist testing the waters. Not a week goes by when some sports or movie luminary comes out and announces, "I'm gay!" I think to myself who gives a shit? How stupid would it be if I came out and announced, "I'm hetro!" Duh!
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Post by Deleted on Dec 7, 2014 1:45:39 GMT 8
I'm probably what most people would consider to be stealth, it's incredibly rare that I have to admit to being MAAB (unless I choose to and then most people forget).
The big issue with stealth in the not being perceived as your birth assigned gender is in order to not be out to anyone you have to constantly manage people's perceptions of you, and I'm paranoid and anxious enough without wondering whether some dude on a train is wondering if I'm trans. Truly being stealth sounds incredibly lonely to me, I like knowing that i can trust people, constantly hiding bits of yourself is tiring.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 7, 2014 5:34:59 GMT 8
I am not stealth, It`s too early for me, I could do better if I tried but that feels like taking on a new untrue role and thats not what I want. I want to be me, it has to grow with me, I will be ready when I am, maybe I will never be, just staying out and proud. Nice to read this back, realising that my big "society" fear almost is diminished now. When I said above that "I don't disclose, people just assume" I meant it in the context that I look every bit male androgynous and people assume as much. That to me is as stealth as is necessary in the sense that I don't waste any breath trying to explain my non binary self to anyone, what they see is what they get. That should be the case for anyone no matter where they are in their transition or non transition. This may be a stretch of the discourse here but the point is that no one should feel it necessary to apologize for who they are or how they present themselves to others or be fearful either.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 7, 2014 13:09:06 GMT 8
Stealth and passing... Two concepts that don't mean much to me. Probably because I never leave my house and enter society anyway.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 7, 2014 13:44:16 GMT 8
I was out to dinner tonight with a close and dear friend. I was presenting genderqueer.
I had a 300 lb gorrilla rake me head to toe with his eyes and though he did not say anything, the utter disrespect and contempt he had was clear as a foghorn.
I am not stealth. He is not nice.
But our waitress, she was very nice, and this time out there I had eyeshadow and liner on, in addition to the boots, the knee length sweater, a thin silk shirt, womans jeans, middle legnth hair over the ears, long polished nails, and a well trimmed goatee. And driving to meet my friend, I had my hair on in the car. I took it off to go out, so it read male hair.
When I was at stoplights, I put my hand over my beard, when I had my hair on. It took me straight to mtf stealth presenting female. Put my hand down, and it is mtf genderqueer, in your face.
So in the restaurant, the people there...
One was fine with it, others did not pay any attendion, kids stared, and that neanderthal... I have not felt like that in a long time.
Screw him. And he aint going to screw me.
And my stealth nb mtf friend? Nobody blinked, and she looked absolutely great. And very girl, I might add.
Society really does want to enforce binarism by force, does it not? That wasnt kindness I read there. But it sure was by the nice waitress, she was a sweetheart, and the other guest at the table, bless her cis heart, she loved my nails.
Life trans.
Never been through anything harder in my life. Nothing has come close to being born trans as far as the amount of suffering, nor the bond we share.
It was an amazing day today. Totally amazing, unforgettable.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 9, 2014 5:34:30 GMT 8
I present as me, how I am read I don't worry too much about. But I'm in Seattle, and compared to many I look like a pretty typical gray haired skinny chick. What I don't do is where a sign around my neck saying T-girl here. But I'm not embarrassed or shy about how my body was designed (or misdesigned if you prefer) SJ, you be careful, I would hate it if you became gator hors d'oeuvre and not everyone down your way votes democratic. Julie Me too, people see me as mostly male in women's tops with a shock of grey hair that usually looks like that of a lunatic orchestra conductor, they might think I'm eccentric or possibly dangerous, I dunno but oh well! I think once the facial hair is gone you won't stand out and gain so much attention SJ, anyway be safe and be aware of your surroundings.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 9, 2014 8:49:30 GMT 8
I present as me, how I am read I don't worry too much about. But I'm in Seattle, and compared to many I look like a pretty typical gray haired skinny chick. What I don't do is where a sign around my neck saying T-girl here. But I'm not embarrassed or shy about how my body was designed (or misdesigned if you prefer) SJ, you be careful, I would hate it if you became gator hors d'oeuvre and not everyone down your way votes democratic. Julie Me too, people see me as mostly male in women's tops with a shock of grey hair that usually looks like that of a lunatic orchestra conductor, they might think I'm eccentric or possibly dangerous, I dunno but oh well! I think once the facial hair is gone you won't stand out and gain so much attention SJ, anyway be safe and be aware of your surroundings. Really Shan? I have a feeling that you can be dangerous but not in a wierd way. Some of the stuff you have been through hon. I am just tahnkful you're my friend and not enemy. :-S
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Post by bhhfmm on Dec 9, 2014 8:53:42 GMT 8
I wouldn't call myself stealth. There are some people that don't know instantly upon seeing me, usually those in need some form of eyesight correction, and then some seem to tell right off. Who knows, I don't ask and I don't tell.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 9, 2014 9:07:41 GMT 8
I wouldn't call myself stealth. There are some people that don't know instantly upon seeing me, usually those in need some form of eyesight correction, and then some seem to tell right off. Who knows, I don't ask and I don't tell. Well I'm not exactly out of the closet but the door is open wide and the light is on. BTW all girls have walk in closets right? But seriously if anyone can't tell from the brows, hair and earrings I wear then they are freakin' blind. Not to mention when I wear shorts, tanks and flip flops.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 9, 2014 10:11:57 GMT 8
Me too, people see me as mostly male in women's tops with a shock of grey hair that usually looks like that of a lunatic orchestra conductor, they might think I'm eccentric or possibly dangerous, I dunno but oh well! I think once the facial hair is gone you won't stand out and gain so much attention SJ, anyway be safe and be aware of your surroundings. Really Shan? I have a feeling that you can be dangerous but not in a wierd way. Some of the stuff you have been through hon. I am just tahnkful you're my friend and not enemy. :-S Pfffffffft!
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