On coming out

[Deleted]

What was your personal experience with coming out trans?

Did it make you feel free?

Were you embarrassed or shut down?

Do you have advice about it?

Thoughts

I will go later

[LivingTheDream]

I guess I can be the brave soul who goes first~!

I have only done it so far with a few people. The first was an old teacher, current academic advisor at school. I came to her with a diff problem, had this on my mind, wasn't gonna say anything, but as I was leaving hinted at it and she made me spill the beans lol. She had me meet with a student shrink at school so she was the 2nd, I told her the same way lol, at the end, shyly..sort of.

Next was I guess who I consider my best friend, I have known him for like 15+ years now. I was feeling compelled to say something to SOMEONE about it so I started laying out hints by saying there's something I kinda wanna say. I did that with my cousin and him, met him first so he was ahead of her. So next time he saw me he asked me what was it I wanted to say, and I said, long story lol. So he started guessing, asked if I was gay first. I was like wtf, but said, um, not really, possibly, idk but that's not it. 2nd guess was trans and I was like, ya sort of *blushes* The only reason he guessed that is because he knows the same person I do, idk what to call him, idk what he calls himself, but as far as I know he is a crossdresser, guess that's the best way to describe it. Full time crossdresser who uses male pronouns, male name, and does so in quite bad taste (he's older and only wears really skimpy things...)

Because I got to the point where I felt I HAD to tell someone, I put my foot in my mouth by texting that to my cousin lol, we met up a few days later and had to tell her then!

Other than those two, have only told a few others; my brothers mother in law the night they were having their baby (was sleep deprived and so went we started talking bout my hair and why I was letting it grow long, told her), a boss at work, my laser girl and an online gaming friend, people in group, people on trans sites and a few medical peeps.

It's definitely really hard for me to do. It is something I have been doing for a very long time and secretly. Prolly caused or at least contributed to me being always really secretive about things, like everything, even simple stupid things. It is definitely extremely hard to get me to open up bout things, to make myself do so too, so haven't said anything to most everyone else. It took me a really long time to do so with them...I went over the convo's in my head a million times, kept me up most the night sometimes cause I couldn't stop thinking and worrying about doing so so eventually just said fuck it and told a few. Still that way a bit with my brother and sister in law, keep going over there with the intention of telling em but just can't start the conversation. Hmmmm, maybe I will just write down like a sentence on a piece of paper next time and that will get the convo going! Idk, am scared though, they are prolly the most important to me so ya, is scary, and I guess part of me doesn't wanna yet in case I back out, like to keep my options open, play it safe. Best way to describe it is like an video game, do it and if I don't like the results, have the option to go back and load and redo or avoid it (that verse in Eminem's song applies perfectly!). Also worried cuz it makes it real and worried that I will feel pressured to pick up the pace instead of going slow and steady like I want to.

So far, with the people I have told, it did make me feel free. I haven't had any issues yet really, but I feel like, if they can accept this then then can accept anything; that feels really good. I'm still waiting though before believing 100% support from them tho, need to see how it goes as things progress, things start to change, appearance, clothing, etc..

I guess I still do feel some shame and embarrassment towards this. Just bringing it up was really hard for me, it does start to get my comfortable though as the conversation goes forward. I surprised my buddy one day by being all dolled up when he came by after a therapy appointment of mine, and my brother and sister in law when I showed up on Halloween in my she-devil costume, but other than that, nobody has seen me like that. After telling who I have told so far though, idk I guess I can only say that I feel good about it (as mentioned above),

As for advice, I guess just go into it having an idea about what you wanna say and what you need to say. Practice a BIT (not like me, was way to obsessive doing so) beforehand. I think I am gonna try to write a tiny note about it next time I do so so that I don't have to hint around trying to bring it up (idea came while writing this!) since that is the hardest part for me (so far, guess being disowned/rejected/yelled at/ridiculed could trump it if it happens). Also, do it when you wanna do it, when you feel ready or feel a need to do so.

Long enough post eh, for those who don't know, didn't see my blog "elsewhere", this is normal for me lol, can't help it sometimes, type too much...

[Edge]

I was afraid and embarrassed any time I came out to older people (my doctor, for example), but they turned out to be supportive every time.
I find it easier to come out to people around my own age. Some aren't supportive, but I don't need them in my life (unlike my doctor) and many are supportive.
I don't really have any advice since I know I am very lucky to have gotten so many supportive responses.

[Laura J]

At the time I felt good coming out. It seemed like a freedom.

It certainly was a release of sorts, for myself to acknowledge traits that before I'd either hidden or been embarrassed about, for not fitting into the gender norm.

Looking back I think coming out was most Important for me, not so much for anyone else. Telling everyone in my life in one fail swoop made me know I could pretty much face anyone after that.

I haven't had to really stand up to anyone so far, everyone took my coming out quite well. To the people who already knew me it wasn't a big deal, and to those who didn't, I was surprised to get messages from a couple saying they felt the same too, but didn't know I did. That was all well and good..

My parents and family are all dead, so there's no issue there. My wife already knew all my different moods and feelings, so any sort of coming out to her was just silly.

Now, and for the past few weeks at least, I've felt like just not saying anything about any gender anymore. I'm tired of associating everything I do in gender terms, and I feel done walking around with a non binary sign on my forehead, or at least feeling like I do.? I just want to be me from now on, no labels, no nothing, just a person.. I think my friends want that too, and are tired of me talking about it all..

So I'm now just Mark, I'm happy with that label, and others seem to be too.

I'm getting my ears pierced this week, going to dabble with some nail polish, and do whatever I want to, and leave gender out of it, its just me being me..

I'll admit I've needed a short mental vacation from all this stuff lately..
It all just gets to ya after a while..

That's all I know how to say.
Thanks.

[Deleted]

I like what you're saying Mark, I've always been just me and outside the forum I don't talk about this stuff. I've never actually come out to anyone either, I've just morphed into who and what I am and everyone just gets it and those that don't have faded away. I was talking about this "coming out" business just recently where someone suddenly announces "I'm gay" or "I'm trans" my immediate response would be "so what, who gives a rip?" Anyway that's how I feel about that stuff so I am just me and it seems to work and I expect that being just you will work out really well too.

[Laura J]

Oh dearest Julie, as full time RVrs for 6 years, those terms you refer to about propane and holding tanks just gave me a big smile, I know them so well.!

I feel so bad about the hardships and the sacrifices you had to make.. Compared to mine which are nothing in comparison.

You're always welcome to park your Airstream in our driveway.!

[Ayla]

Sometimes I feel that I have lived a charmed life. Every time that I have come out it was preceded by fear, stress and trepidation. Afterwards I have always felt relief, love, support and validation. I know that as a non binary I am balancing on the edge, that ever elusive and changing point of equilibrium but like Julie I feel so much more authentic, open, engaging, honest and enriched. My destination is now less of an issue as I have gained confidence in my ability to plot the best way forward. I know that I have many surprises and many disappointments ahead of me but my life is now so much more real than it used to be, that I am excited and look forward to fully understanding, expressing and accepting myself, whatever that may be.

On a slightly silly note I caught up with a former girl friend last week. I then realised that she like all of my other girl friends were quite androgynous and with the addition of pointed ears would have made an attractive elf.

Safe travels

Aisla

[Ayla]

What an absolute shocker!   I suspect that dinner with you and your friends would be an absolute riot.

safe travels

Aisla

[Ayla]

Some will. Probably the English will as their sense of humour is similar. Probably a topic for another thread but humour and preferred chocolate recipe do seem to vary by country. Don't worry though, I will bring the chocolate. Australian is good, NZ is better as is English but Swiss or Belgian are my favourite.

[LivingTheDream]

Took me a minute but I got in on my 2nd read thru

Tsk tsk, naughty!

[Deleted]

Well Julie. I worked for a company that got in trouble for hiring Kiwi and Aussie drivers. Hell they couldn't find hardly any Amercian drivers willing to drive the way the company wanted you too. Hell, they burned me out even after a year and that is how long the Aussies and Kiwis drove for them. Everyone of them I knew that came through when I drove for them. Yeah that sounds like their sense of humor. Kind of rough around the edges. Kind of crude and lude. And I was friends with everyone of them. :-S The company paid me a little "extra" to teach them the system here and how to manipulate it. 4500 to 5200 miles per week for a solo driver was not unheard of. Most teams don't even do that many miles. Definately not legal for one driver. If the company wouldn't have gone out of business I wouldn't even say this now. Every driver from Downunder ran with me for two weeks. Two trucks and a lot of ice cream and frozen burritos and some "garbage" here and there. Maybe not to the same cold storage or grocery warehouse but less than 50 miles so we could meet back up and then off to the next. Layovers were definately fun.  Especially in Vegas and LA. I knew LA and who don't know Vegas? 8-)

[Deleted]

Now that you've all derailed this thread let me add my story.

Back in 1966 when the 1st Royal Australian Regiment joined up with my unit and we were enjoying a few cold Swan Lagers, I remarked about how much I enjoyed the football game between the Aussies and the Kiwi's earlier and went on to say that I was rooting for the Aussies to win because they were such a spunky bunch. It suddenly became very quiet then one fellow said, "Blimey maties, I believe we have a bloody poofter here!" After a bit of shoving and pushing we decided that it was a matter of semantics between Australian English and American English. I was rather red faced to find that a root is synonymous with indulging in sex, and spunk is the messy result.

[Patty]

Dec 11, 2014 4:07:24 GMT 8 @julieblair said:

Dec 11, 2014 3:48:06 GMT 8 Ayla said:

What an absolute shocker!   I suspect that dinner with you and your friends would be an absolute riot.

safe travels

Aisla

Uncontrollable giggles - I love being naughty sometimes.  Do you think anyone not from down under will get it?  Guess I'll find out.  Jacey, please don't ban me

Yes dinner in the company of the people I know is always surprising.  Now tell me why are all the Ausie and Kiwi jokes I've ever heard blue?

   I almost wet my skirt  !!     Patty

[Deleted]

I came out at work, the owner challenged my nails, I looked her in the eye and said ...aren't they pretty? I am transgender, I am a transsexual....

Quite the look on her face.

She told me if I came in as a girl I would be fired on the spot.

That's illegal. The law was.passed this August.

My sales are still down.

So...

As in the hunger games.


....let the games begin....

I just can't lie anymore.

Trinity...Satinjoy