Where do non-binary people disappear to after college?

[Whisper]

this is a little question that plagues my curiosity at great lengths, observing different groups having non-binary members since '97.
(wow. almost 20 years ago in a few years)
during the college years, non-binary participation is intensely active.
after college, many of those once active non-binary seem to disappear.
i was just wondering where they go.
i noticed the CD and TS populations in some places seems to become more active as participants become older.
whisper

[Ruth]

i mean, i think i part of it is that beyond university there really aren't proper support structures and communities for non-binary people after about i dunno, age 25 or so. the non-binary people themselves don't disappear, but given all of the intense pressure to conform i think a large portion of nb-identified folks just cease to be out due to the reality of the situation they're in, and the sparsity of people who identify as nb makes it tougher, especially for anywhere that isn't a big city, to form any kind of community where we can feel safe being out.

i'm just going off of my own experience though, which was that i was active and out at my last university, but i'm not here and now. it doesn't mean i'm not nb or that i don't care about it anymore. i'm still here. just quiet.

[Taka]

i'm only trying to get out after uni...
not that out, but at least authentic while letting others take me for what they want.
maybe the need to let everybody know just disappears and the non-binary are content being able to express themselves among friends/family?
or maybe there is no need to express anything, and just being is enough?

i don't think i'll try to convince people that i'm [whatever non-binary actually is].
there's no real point, as long as i'm not treated like some gender box.

[Deleted]

Probably down to the fact that the work environment frowns upon any non normative behaviour. I know plenty of people who were punk as fuck at university but had to clean up their act to work in an office. It's probably not that people stop being NB but rather the support structure they had in university goes and they are forced to navigate strictly regulated cishet normative environments just to survive.

[Deleted]

Ruth's reply struck a chord with me, she's probably right, and skater chick's comment makes sense too as I have observed that being both employer and employee.

[Taka]

nobody at work tells me to change my hair. it's perfectly acceptable.
i'm going to either horrify or inspire people in a while by sewing a gender neutral traditional costume.
that's not traditional at all...

but i'm still very invisible unless i tell people i'm nb.
and of course i don't, people here hardly know what a transsexual is.

[Ruth]

i think it's also a lot like you said, taka, like the invisibility is all-encompassing up until you come out. even in places where someone very out with their queerness might be able to be and be recognized as being very visible (though you'd be surprised, i'm shocked that people just don't get that i'm queer until i tell them, but heterosexuality is apparently one hell of a drug), something like being nb is so off most people's radars that there isn't even a way to deinvisibilize it, for the most part. most of what we recognize as "gender neutral" here just isn't seen that way by most outside our small communities.