Does age matter in relationships?

[Laura J]

Do you think age difference matters in relationships.? 

Is there a number (in years) when a relationship starts having little chance of surviving.? 
Do you have experience in an age different relationship that worked out.? Or failed.? 

[Deleted]

Well that is wholly dependant upon the people. I saw something about it on the news this morning like a 20 year age difference has 93% chance of failing. But there is 7% that don't.

Personally I think when it comes to age difference the bigger the difference the more the younger one has to be mature enough and the older has to be a little young at heart.

OK so let me put it like this. I fell in love with a guy that was 34 when I was 18. Treated me like a queen. I really cared and I really loved him, but I was really immature and got spooked and ran. Biggest mistake of my life. If I would have been 28 and he 44 maybe I wold not have been so scared of love and commitment. No that I am 47 and met someone that was 67 and could treat me like the way I want to be treated, well off or not I would give it a go.

Does that help a little? A 15-20 year difference is big when you are young. The older you get the less the age thing matters.

[Deleted]

My current girlfriend is eight years older than me. I've never been more compatible with someone. The relationship before that, I was 26 and she was 31 when we started dating. I was far more mature than she was. That wasn't the reason we broke up, though. It was toxic and we had very little in common. Before that, I briefly dated a 17-year-old who was totally enamored with me. That lasted... Maybe a week or two. VERY immature. Just plain annoying, really.

In conclusion, I'll second the sentiment that it all depends on the people involved. Experiences mold us into the people we are, not simply the passing of time. So age in and of itself is a poor indicator of how compatible you might be with someone.

[Deleted]

Absolutely nothing wrong with 8 years difference. When I was 21 I dated a 28 year old that was way more immature than me. This was a woman even. And I have even dated younger people that were more mature than me. Yeah the whole cougar or trans cougar thang. Don't hate, OK?8-) You may be surprised but I'm gonna' shut up now so I don't get a bad name. :-X 

[Deleted]

Yeah, I've known plenty of people older than me who were much less mature, and plenty of people younger than me who were more mature, lol.

[Edge]

It depends on the people. When I was nineteen, I dated someone ten years older than me, but it didn't work because I was in a really bad place. Personally, I'd prefer to date someone around my age range.

[bhhfmm]

From my experience, pretty much everything matters in relationships. Boy, did I learn my lesson...

[Ayla]

Dec 2, 2014 6:11:19 GMT 8 bhhfmm said:

From my experience, pretty much everything matters in relationships. Boy, did I learn my lesson...

Certainly agree with this.  On the age front I think the bigger the difference the less chance of success but this is just one factor.  Another observation is that a 15 year gap looks fine when you are 30;  not so much if you are 65 and very active and your partner is 80 and slowing down.  May also depend upon whose friends predominate, as an ageing crowd may be increasingly uncomfortable where you are the youngest and most active.

[Deleted]

Dec 2, 2014 6:11:19 GMT 8 bhhfmm said:

From my experience, pretty much everything matters in relationships. Boy, did I learn my lesson...

It just depends. I think we all learned lessons but at the sake of getting labeled certain names I am gonna' leave it at that. I will just say that now that I'm 47 age don;t mean as much unless they are way more than 20 years older or way less than 20 years older and unerage is always off limits. So now everyone can call me all the names. I'll own them. It would'nt be nothing new I haven't hear yet at one time or another. :-S

[Deleted]

My spouse is four years younger than me. We get along well with a way younger crowd, late 30's to mid 40's and some of the women have told me things that made me blush. Quite frankly I don't think I'd care to have to raise one of those young puppies and go through all the drama over again. The gal I have is pretty special and I'll openly admit that she's a damn site more intelligent than I am and I listen to her advice on a lot of things these days.

[LivingTheDream]

I think that as you get a bit older it starts to matter less and less? Personally, I think age is just a small factor in a relationship. My parents were 18 years apart and happily married (mostly). My dad, the older one, outlived my mom by a few years even. So age has never really bothered me because of my parents and how they made it work.

[BlueConstancy]

I think it depends on the couple; two of my closest friends met when he was 21 and she was 30, and married even though they got some funny looks for it. 15 years later, they're still thoroughly happy together, and the looks have died down as she dyes her hair and he doesn't.

(And every time I'm tempted to judge whether someone is "mature enough" for a relationship, I remind myself that my wife and I met when we were teenagers. We got a LOT of rolled eyes when we declared we would marry while still barely out of high school, but - here we are, too.)

[Deleted]

Dec 2, 2014 12:35:17 GMT 8 @julieblair said:

Shan, for sure she has more to say

No doubt! You're up for a spanking after that remark girlfriend! 

[Deleted]

Dec 2, 2014 8:28:44 GMT 8 Shan said:

My spouse is four years younger than me. We get along well with a way younger crowd, late 30's to mid 40's and some of the women have told me things that made me blush. Quite frankly I don't think I'd care to have to raise one of those young puppies and go through all the drama over again. The gal I have is pretty special and I'll openly admit that she's a damn site more intelligent than I am and I listen to her advice on a lot of things these days.

That's because you are pretty cool Shan. I wouldn't mind hanging with you and your wife. I bet you got some really interesting stories. Me and mine would probably have our jaws hit the floor.

[Deleted]

Dec 2, 2014 12:53:59 GMT 8 @julieblair said:

Hmmm, my age varies with who I'm with. I usually prefer the company of children. We can play in the dirt and they are more generous with their toys. Since I would rather be playmates than bound, I guess I'm not so worried about twenty years out.

I'm not much for jealousy or possession any more. I suck at marriage, and have had my heart broken so many times it is mostly scare tissue. But I still fall in love, and will do anything for a friend. I don't care much if you're 20 or 80, I will be emotionally available. That is the gift of an authentic life. Where we wander and how long we wander for, isn't really relevant.

What I do know is that if you are my friend or lover, when I am with you that is the only place I am. The future is not where my attention lies. It lies in our conversation and our touch. It lies in what we can share and what we can learn. I'm not afraid of aging alone. I once was but not any more. It turns out that we all contain enough love in our hearts to spill it out forever without running dry.

I will ways been of service, I will always receive love.

Peace,
Julie

Stay young at heart.

Life is all about having as much fun as you can. Sometimes it don't work out like that though. LOL, you aren't the only one that sux at marriage. I just have funny feeling who we married didn't fall for the real us but rather an image. Or maybe they fell in love with the real us and can no way be lesbians in thier own minds. Or the image and one that we couldn't keep forever. I couldn't. The real me came out and the real her left and neither I nor her ever looked back. She's happy now or I hope so and I'm definately happier now. What's meant to be will be, what isn't won't be. So no. You don't suck for marriage. That marriage sucked for you. If it sucks the life out of you what are you really accomplishing? Nothing. Live and love.

BTW. Tomorrow may never come and living in the here and now is where it's at. Be happy now because tomorrow will take care of itself and yesterday was in the past and a lesson learned. But I will never give up though.