"Boy" - A Short Film

[Ayla]

A short film, but powerful 

youtu.be/WwV7ENOTeek

[Deleted]

Really? OMG you are trying to make me cry from the hurt that I repressed so long ago but opposite? I wish we could trade our souls for bodies. I would die to have her body just like she would probably die to have my body. But who the hell would want this shit that I got. Purgatory. That is all that I can describe myself as. Somewhere in between. Wow. Small tits and a small penis with testes that don't work. Somewhere in between, caught between heaven and hell. Definitely hell in today's times. It's really sad that we can't change bodies with one another. I hate being bound down. OK so my body ain't that bad but still a so called guy with small tits? I have thought about every possibility. A lot of hydrocodone and a really sharp knife with a telephone close by to call an ambulance to keep from bleeding to death. In my home state we would neuter puppies by wrapping a rubber band tight around their testes ( Check it out I used scientific biological language to explain hell which are Testicals ) and thought about that.

OK so Jamie ain't so stable now. I am in a bad place dysphoric wise. Tomorrow I will be OK or day after tomorrow I'll be OK. In an hour I may be ten feet tall and bulletproof again but now I am crying and dysphoric and... No one worry because this just happens. I'll wake up in the morning and either be a strong transwoman or so called male or if fate smiles on me, die in my sleep and dream for eternity. Suicide is out of the question so.... But praying for death isn't.

[Ayla]

Sorry for posting this film. It wasn't supposed to trigger you, but it is powerful. It certainly evokes strong feelings, and it isn't that hard to put yourself in their place and feel their pain

Dysphoria is a bitch

You are one strong person, but I still worry. Sending warm thoughts and support from Oz. Sleep well my friend.

Aisla

[Deleted]

Apr 18, 2015 1:11:19 GMT 8 Ayla said:

Sorry for posting this film. It wasn't supposed to trigger you, but it is powerful. It certainly evokes strong feelings, and it isn't that hard to put yourself in their place and feel their pain

Dysphoria is a bitch

You are one strong person, but I still worry. Sending warm thoughts and support from Oz. Sleep well my friend.

Aisla

No it don't trigger me. I haven't the slightest fucking idea what my triggers are. That's what sux Aisla. Yeah it hurts because I see her and I can see part of me but in the opposite situations.

But yeah it is powerful and shows just what we go through. You have to wear pants when you want to wear a fucking dress or you have to wear a dress when you want to wear fucking pants. Yeah it is opposite of what I felt but feeling of having to fake what you are sux no matter MTF or FTM or MTF nonbinary or FTM nonbinary.

I hope Jayce don't ban me for saying this but, Fuck society and their abnormal perceptions of normality. Capital "F" uck society.

PS I got a gig tonight so I got to talk crap. But not only talking crap though I meant what I said about society. I will be in full on makeup, skinny jeans and high heals. Even if they are snakeskins but still high.  The top I ain't decided yet. A pink top with spaghetti straps or maybe a pink T shirt with some "Less than reputable" movie stars on it. Like Bailey, Amy, Bruna, Duda and Beatrice. Guess what? Stupid MFers ask me who the girls are. LOL. I don't say shit other than they are porn stars and can take them to heaven and back.

No sleep for me tonight. Not until at least 4 am CDT in the US. The club closes at 2 am and it takes at least 2 more hours to tear down. But fun. OMG I am wired to the max. I had to learn 4 songs this week. Fairies in Boots by Sabbath, you gotta' another thing coming by Judas Priest, Fallen Angel by Poison ( had to relearn that one because I used to play it quite a bit) and Shout at the Devil.( had to relearn that one too). Everything else is from memory. God I'm sick of covering cover bands. :rolleyes:I guess that's what happens when you let the world pass you by while you are living behind "little white picket fences" married to a cis woman and trying to make her bitch ass happy all the while you wanna' get fucked up and let er' go with the most angst and anger you can put out on a six string SG with the most dirt you can muster up without blowing the 8 speakers. Well tonight it will be 64 12 inch speakers with my full stack and their other cabinets hooked to my head. A 150 watt Line Six head and 150 watt Marshall tube head. Big club and loud as hell. Now I'm a little drunk, before the gig a little high and then a couple of lines in between sets. I love music. It's 1 PM here. By the time 7 PM gets here I will be flying high. 8PM I will be in the stratosphere, no alcohol involved. Only the herbal stuff and maybe a little "white" but not the meth. It's fun though and I really need the "white Christmas" to get me through. I hate having social anxiety and that has always gotten me through gigs. Not hooked on it because I really don't like it but it helps.  But it is ramped up to be one hell of a night.

But no hon. I'm not strong. Never think I am strong. I am a jack ass. You guys have jack asses in the land of OZ. Right? We have them wild here in Nevada. OMG ACDC came from there and they are the definitive band of Rock and roll in the US. Head, country fans, pop fans and every freakin' body knows who ACDC is. And believe it or not Hell's Bells was their first mainstream album here. Then all the "Heads" started buying their older stuff. Chuck Berry on Steroids.  LOL "The Jack". A song about Ghonerrhea? Really? God bless Bon Scott.  May he rest in peace. And God bless Fosters. Sorry I have some ACDC sets tonight and trying to get in the mood.