New cat on the block saying hello.

[schrodinger]

First of all hello my lovelies, hope everyone is well. Just joined the forum hoping for a non judgmental safe space to figure this out. So a little bit about me, born female but I've always been called a tomboy since early childhood and started thinking that maybe I'm slightly non binary. I would like to use the pronouns she/they but I'm worried people won't understand and ask too many questions. I just don't identify with one gender and don't agree with all that gender bias, I may present as feminine in certain ways but I have a lot of masculine traits too. I like the look of skirts and dresses but feel like I'm playing dress up if I wear them, like they're not me in a way, but very rarely I'm OK with it, it depends on my mood. I've been called a lad, dude and bro by male friends since they say hanging out with me is like hanging out with another guy, just prettier looking. I'm just super confused right now and need to some advice. I look forward to hearing from you guys and am more than happy to answer questions as well. Thank you for reading my post.

[Trinity]

Welcome to the forum. Its quiet here, theres lots to read in past posts, and feel free to ask questions.

[francxs]

Welcome. It IS a quiet board but happy to talk.

[francxs]

Hey, Schrodinger.

I'm just getting around to responding. Sorry for the delay. I haven't been on the board for a long time, so I don't know what others would say, but what you say all sounds very familiar to me (except reverse the sexes). I've often been most comfortable with women and have even got the "honorary girl" title a few times. 

I love how you describe wearing a dress as feeling like "dress-up". That makes sense to me in different kinds of ways. I remember the first time I went into a gay bar. I suddenly realized how much I postured in straight environments. It was an like a weight had been lifted from me. I didn't have to put it on. I could just be. 

When I talked with my non-binary eldest kid (31) about your post they just nodded and said, "Yeah." Like it was totally normal. I haven't seen them in a dress for at least 15 years, probably longer. 

For me, when I look down at a nice dress I'm wearing and say "Yeah. That makes sense." It clicks. It feels right. And I feel a sense of loss if I have to shed a more feminine look for whatever reason. But I'm not super femme either. When I'm presenting a little more masculine (and I can certainly go there!), I don't feel like its dress up (except when I occasionally wear heavy-duty work clothes!). It's mostly just neutral. It doesn't make me feel anything. (Although I don't live and work in an environment where women are super femme and men super masculine. In fact, there are gender non-conforming people around me at home and work. If that were different I think I would feel more like I didn't belong.)  

All this is to say you're not nuts. Whether you want to identify as non-binary is really a matter of comfort as far as I am concerned. Be comfortable with who you are. If the words help you understand yourself, then you know yourself better, and you're ahead, right? It sounds to me like you're already presenting as pretty non-binary! Good on you.

No need to be confused. You're just being human.