welshadventurer
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Orientation: Bisexual
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Post by welshadventurer on Sept 1, 2023 4:38:31 GMT 8
Hello folks.
My name is Morgan.
I’m looking for places to read and chat about gender, to find out more, explore my gender, find a community and learn more about myself.
Despite realising there was something different about me from an early age, I didn’t get the chance to find out information, talk to others or explore. So I spent the first 49 years pretending to be a cis hetro man, and not doing a particularly good job of it from my point of view. My early years gave me the opinion that there was something wrong with me and I hid who I was.
I have often thought that I am trans, but have had doubts and questions. Often thinking, “but there are definitely male things about me, I’m not 100% a woman.”
A few years ago I read about Nonbinary and something clicked.
While I still question being trans, at the moment I am out as being nonbinary, and happy about it. It feels a good place to be.
I am out to my partner, parents, siblings and their kids, a few friends, couple of friends of my partner, work, and the internet.
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Post by Yuki on Sept 1, 2023 11:43:32 GMT 8
Hi Morgan!
It’s pretty quiet on here anymore, but there are a couple of us that still log in to talk. It might be small, but we do have a little community here.
I never did a good job at pretending to be a cis woman, either. I felt like people could tell I was a fake. Lol. I don’t know if they actually could or not, and for a while I wasn’t sure what it was that was making me feel like I was faking something.. but here I am now.
Anyway, that’s great that you’re out to the people closest to you. It’s always nice to see people have a good support system, and that don’t have to hide
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welshadventurer
New Member
Posts: 8
Pronouns: They/Him/Her
Orientation: Bisexual
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Hello
Sept 1, 2023 17:44:07 GMT 8
Post by welshadventurer on Sept 1, 2023 17:44:07 GMT 8
Hello Yuki,
It is a shame it is quiet. I created an account on LGBT Heroes but that seems mostly dead too. Especially as we still need communities online to support each other and share information and ideas.
A support network is very important. I was very lucky, my niece who is trans, had come out to my family and pretty much laid the groundwork that made it easier for me. Work have been super supportive.
It is definitely a relief, and a lot easier, finally not having to pretend to be something I’m not.
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Post by Trinity on Sept 1, 2023 20:15:32 GMT 8
Hello Yuki,
It is a shame it is quiet. I created an account on LGBT Heroes but that seems mostly dead too. Especially as we still need communities online to support each other and share information and ideas.
A support network is very important. I was very lucky, my niece who is trans, had come out to my family and pretty much laid the groundwork that made it easier for me. Work have been super supportive.
It is definitely a relief, and a lot easier, finally not having to pretend to be something I’m not. There's only a few here, true, but they get it and are supportive. I'm not on much any more, I got burned out by all of it, but these are my friends here and long ago they saved my life, I would have cracked up. One thing about the board is there is a private section where you can talk things out away from public view. Welcome to the board.
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Post by francxs on Sept 1, 2023 21:27:36 GMT 8
Hi Morgan.
I’m also a recent refugee from another site. It was (and is) friendly enough but it’s pretty “old school” and not so sophisticated on questions of gender.
This list is quiet but doesn’t need to stay that way!
Welcome!
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Post by Leena on Sept 2, 2023 11:08:26 GMT 8
Welcome to the forum Morgan!
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Post by Ativan Prescribed on Sept 2, 2023 12:23:41 GMT 8
Here's the thing,.. those of us who are active on here have been asking and answering questions for a long time, most of us anyways. It's at the point where we have a very good understanding of each other and we still talk to each other but its mainly in the sense of small talk, of a sort. If you have questions, we probably have answers for you, so ask questions, we honestly will try our best to answer them. It's true that we are the older generations, but what we know and where we have been... a lot of background and trials and tribulations over the years. If your looking for the younger generations, well they come and go on here and I suppose they want the quick answers to everything, but to be totally honest, everyone is different and sometimes it takes more than just asking a question, it takes getting to know people and letting them know where you are coming from. Questions depend a lot of who is asking to get the kinds of answers people want, there is no one answer to any questions and everyone has different answers just like everyone has different questions that pertain to them. Its much more of a betting to know people if you are looking for others and how it all works for them, think of it as a diverse group of people with diverse backgrounds, nobody here knows it all but as a group we do know a lot. Just like there is no one way to be NB, there is no one answer for things, its a very subtle kind of existence, some people are way more outspoken than others but nobody has any better of answers to everything than anyone else. Join in and get to know people on here and let them get to know you, its that easy and its a pretty good place to just shoot the breeze.
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welshadventurer
New Member
Posts: 8
Pronouns: They/Him/Her
Orientation: Bisexual
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Sept 2, 2023 18:24:54 GMT 8
Post by welshadventurer on Sept 2, 2023 18:24:54 GMT 8
Hello right back at everyone.
Thank you all for making me feel welcome.
Glad to hear that it is generally an older community here, kind of what I’m looking for as I’m in my 50s.
After hiding so far back in the closet I was having tea with Aslan for most of my life, I’m at the exciting stage of working out what my newly recognised gender means to me and how I want to present it.
It will be nicer to be able to chat about it with folks who know. While my partner is a good LGBTA+ ally, she lacks the lived experience in this, and has a lot going on so conversations often end up being about her.
Since February I have socially changed my name to Morgan, not a legal change, so my old name still appears in official places. But I am enjoying being Morgan. Originally I was just going to use my legal name, had it a long time and was kind of attached to it. But as time we t on I felt like I needed a new name to represent the new me.
Through most of my life I had presented to the world ‘Dave*’, this cis-hetro man, but in my head lived ‘Rhiannon’, the female side of me, who was kept hidden to avoid any hostility/danger/shame. Morgan is more a blending of Dave and Rhiannon.
I have been painting my nails since lockdown, started shaving body hair and dye my hair what ever colours I like - currently a very dark blue (looks black) on top and purple on the lower half.
I decorated my work backpack with badges and soft toys.
Now thinking a out what other steps I want to take to feel more like me.
Would love to hear other folk’s experience.
*Not real birth name.
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Post by francxs on Sept 3, 2023 6:48:22 GMT 8
A lot to respond to there. It’s certainly true that a non non-binary partner can end up being the focus of a lot of discussions, especially if they didn’t go into the relationship knowing about their partners identity. That’s all good but lists like this are good for allowing you to focus on yourself.
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Post by Yuki on Sept 4, 2023 12:59:15 GMT 8
Hello right back at everyone.
Thank you all for making me feel welcome.
Glad to hear that it is generally an older community here, kind of what I’m looking for as I’m in my 50s.
After hiding so far back in the closet I was having tea with Aslan for most of my life, I’m at the exciting stage of working out what my newly recognised gender means to me and how I want to present it.
It will be nicer to be able to chat about it with folks who know. While my partner is a good LGBTA+ ally, she lacks the lived experience in this, and has a lot going on so conversations often end up being about her.
Since February I have socially changed my name to Morgan, not a legal change, so my old name still appears in official places. But I am enjoying being Morgan. Originally I was just going to use my legal name, had it a long time and was kind of attached to it. But as time we t on I felt like I needed a new name to represent the new me.
Through most of my life I had presented to the world ‘Dave*’, this cis-hetro man, but in my head lived ‘Rhiannon’, the female side of me, who was kept hidden to avoid any hostility/danger/shame. Morgan is more a blending of Dave and Rhiannon.
I have been painting my nails since lockdown, started shaving body hair and dye my hair what ever colours I like - currently a very dark blue (looks black) on top and purple on the lower half.
I decorated my work backpack with badges and soft toys.
Now thinking a out what other steps I want to take to feel more like me.
Would love to hear other folk’s experience.
*Not real birth name. I’ve also socially changed my name. Not only for gender reasons, but trauma reasons too. I always wanted to distance myself from my given name anyway. Still never got around to legally changing it.. I’ve kind of forgotten to at this point. I love that you’ve dyed your hair and painted your nails. Purple is a good color. I’m the opposite of you, I was assigned female at birth so some things I’ve done would be different. Is your partner pretty comfortable with your identity? Or is she still getting used to the idea? It can be a little hard for some people. It is a major change for them in how they see you, and certain fears can come up too. I was able to find a trans/non-binary support group locally to where I lived when I came out to my husband. He loves me, but initially did have a hard time understanding. That group had a separate group for cis partners. I still don’t know what they talked about in there, but they really helped him a lot with getting past his fears about it. Now everything is pretty normal. Gender doesn’t even get talked about anymore. It’s like nothing happened at all lol. But, it’s also been a few years now since I came out, so he’s had a lot of time to get used to it and see it as not a big deal. Same with everyone else I know. I’m lucky that no one I know is really bothered by it at all. I know a majority of people don’t get so lucky, so I’m grateful.
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Post by Ativan Prescribed on Sept 4, 2023 13:36:59 GMT 8
The thing is, when you come out there is no reason to have to explain, it isn't as if you have changed. And the people you come out to, they haven't changes either. I can imagine them seeing the worst because thats what people do sometimes, take something different and change and change it and change it again into something it isn't. Seriously, they would never know because nobody thinks about it until you say something, and if you don't make a big deal then they don't either, if it is a big deal to them, then they simply need to grow up. Being NB isn't as if you have hurt anyone or done something wrong, its simply a statement about your gender and its far more important to you than it is to others, or they need to, like I said, grow up. I mean my god, the shock of purple hair has got to be nerve racking enough on them, you know? It isn't, its a hair color and gender is whatever it is that you decide, its up to you just like what hair color or hair style you want, people just need to relax. In todays world, isn't there something or some things that people should be more than worried about?
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Post by Ativan Prescribed on Sept 4, 2023 13:41:40 GMT 8
Some people just get all bent out of shape if everything isn't cookie cutter, you know? Change is what makes the world go around and far to many people have no real conception that the world is not only spinning around, but its going around the sun and besides that, is in a spiral because the sun is moving as well. Everything is always changing and if it didn't, everyday would be just boring as fook.... The seasons wouldn't happen and nothing grows, everything is just stuck and the sun never sets or never rises, people need to celebrate change.
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welshadventurer
New Member
Posts: 8
Pronouns: They/Him/Her
Orientation: Bisexual
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welshadventurer
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Hello
Sept 4, 2023 18:47:05 GMT 8
Yuki likes this
Post by welshadventurer on Sept 4, 2023 18:47:05 GMT 8
My partner is absolutely fine with me being nonbinary Yuki. She is pansexual, and doesn’t see herself as a girly girl. To be honest I think she is happier that I came out to her as nonbinary and bi than thinking I was cis-hetro. She is definitely my biggest supporter.
Thank you, always wanted painted nails and dyed hair. In the past I has dyed it just black, avoiding colours like purple and red etc because of thinking men don’t dye their hair those colours. Being nonbinary is freeing. One day I want to dye it a proper blue.
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Post by francxs on Sept 4, 2023 21:08:38 GMT 8
My partner is absolutely fine with me being nonbinary Yuki. She is pansexual, and doesn’t see herself as a girly girl. To be honest I think she is happier that I came out to her as nonbinary and bi than thinking I was cis-hetro. She is definitely my biggest supporter.
Thank you, always wanted painted nails and dyed hair. In the past I has dyed it just black, avoiding colours like purple and red etc because of thinking men don’t dye their hair those colours. Being nonbinary is freeing. One day I want to dye it a proper blue. I too have a partner who is on board. In fact, like yours, she says she couldn’t have a relationship with a straight guy. Still, it has been the topic of long discussions over the years as we found a good balance. On the other hand, taking is a key part of any good relationship that lasts as long as ours. Part of the reason I’m on this list is that I like my beard and it feels right, but also like to dress femme. That kind of presentation is challenging even in big cities, much more so where I am. So I’m looking to find more subtle ways of finding that middle ground. Long hair, ear rings, jewelry, femme inflected clothes, etc. I’m also working hard to establish new social networks where I can be more out there without the hassle. And new social networks are hard to make when you’re 60! Perhaps harder than anything else I’m trying to do.
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