They/Them Movie - No Spoilers

[woolyg]

Hi All,

this was not how I expected my first proper post on here to turn out.

So last night I decided to watch the They/Them movie with my wife. It has got to be as far removed from a film that I would normally watch, that of the story around an LGBT conversion camp. it was the topics the movie would bring up that I was more interested in.When I began watching the film, it brought up some uncomfortable emotions and not what I really expected, as I could feel myself slipping into the persona I have adopted all my life that of an Alpha male,these thoughts and feelings made me really uncomfortable where I kept walking out of the room whilst the movie was playing, I was getting more and more anxious and uptight.Even before my teenage years, I knew I was different, not like my friends or how my family wanted me to be, my father did everything in his power to manify me.


In order to fit in I had to be a manly man and however hard and unnatural it felt I did.Anyway, as the film progressed, I began to feel much more comfortable with the film narrative, and within myself watching it, I began to wonder if in my own teenage years I had been through my own form of LGBT+ conversion therapy, having had time to think about it I came to the conclusion I had, but the more harsher elements of it.As I got more comfortable with the film, I began to feel a could resonate with certain characters in the film, and I felt a great deal of relief at that.At one point during the film, obviously already knowing what the correct answer was, I asked my wife, ' What is non-binary' her reply being 'somebodies whose head is mixed up' followed by 'I shouldn't really say that. Yes, I know her answer was incorrect, just maybe not so much in my case.To a certain extent, her answer resonated with me when I grew up ' nonbinary' never existed, having suppressed many of my feelings and been unable to express myself for the last 40+ years are bound to be mixed up, had she asked me in my teenage years I could of gave my answer with certainty, admitting confusion is a sign of weakness which I find difficulty dealing with.Having been married for 23yrs my wife has never stopped me from expressing the person I wanted to be, I always felt the need to show no weakness and held my emotions in, why I don't know, as they were always just under the surface.

It would have been, so liberating had I watched this film in my own teenage years, yet they were such different times.In the end, I did enjoy the film and found a certain sense of acceptance from within it that said it was somewhat a roller coaster of thoughts and emotions and as a result my head I more fried than ever.

Any thoughts / feedback would be most welcome.

Take Care

Robin

[Ativan Prescribed]

The common ban't think it through version of NB is that it is a confused mixed up thing in the head, bat actually it is the opposite of that, when you know who you are, you don't have to play the gender game.
Its the people who are not NB who can't comprehend what it is to be NB, so it must be some sort of confusion and mixed up thing, but think about it, if it is your opinion that it is then it reflects that you are confused and probably have a mixed up way of thinking.
I never expect people to understand, It's on them to make a big deal out of something they don't understand and then blame their inability to understand on NB, what kinda illogical thinking is that, its like if you don't like dogs its your fault for not being a dog person.
It's the lack of imagination that so many people are prone to that is the trouble, you have imagination and they think there is something wrong with you when it is pretty sure that a lack of imagination is a problem for people who lack it.
But here's the thing, it isn't as if the 'other' gender is a total mystery and you can't understand it at all, everyone understands to a certain degree and everyone has that much imagination in their thinking, even if their version of it is wrong, they at least get a point for thinking about it.
I mean is there a lack of language that how a different gender thinks causes you to hear just strange sounds when they talk? How about how people walk and run, drive a car, how the hell do different genders even live together......
Different genders can and do live together not because they are opposites but because they are compatible, think about that, they have a very good understanding and if they are lifelong living together then they are much more than that, understand the weakness and strengths of each other and share those things to make life better for each other,.. or forget about living together for life I suppose, who knows but you get the point, you have to know and understand each other and how each other thinks to be compatible in the very least.
The better you understand others the better you get along with them, its that simple.
And think about this, if you are able or have the ability to place yourself into the life and thoughts, etc, of a different gender, then you do know what it is like, regardless of how masculine or feminine you are, you have that ability and pretending that you don't is lying to yourself and everyone around you, once they discover that you have a better ability than they might have is it just fricken stupid to call them confused and something mixed up in their thinking?
If your chevie car or truck needs to be fixed do you look for a car or truck mechanic that can only work on the kind you have or do you think its a safer bet to find someone who can work on all kinds of them?
How about a Doctor? Gotta have that specialist one who hasn't a clue about the so called other gender?
And then on top of it there is the idea that the weak brained people have that gender and a persons sex are the same thing, hell owning this or that set of genitals isn't a sure bet of your sex, check your chromosomes and even then it can be an easy fifty fifty or some other ratio of them but the real bottom line there is that you, yes you, get to decide who you are and maybe even what you are, your sex is what you are, your gender is who you are and there is no set parameters for gender, it is what you think it is, not what anyone else thinks because seriously, if they don't have a clue do you really want their opinion to matter?
Yep far o many people are brought up to live out a certain standard that might not be the best way to go about living, say your father was a wife beater and child abuser, wanna carry on that tradition... you might if it is ingrained and you lack the ability to think for yourself.
Gender is the way you see the world around you, how it effects you as a person, and there is nothing in the known universe that says you can only be this or that, you can be some of each, you can be almost all of one or the other, but again, here's the thing, where do you draw the line as to what is exclusively masculine and feminine and what things can and are shared by everyone or most everyone, what are the exceptions to a made up rule that was made by inferior thinking that is deprived of simple imagination, or even complex imagination?
Do you want to live in a world that is ruled by a lack of imagination and have to even stifle your thoughts because someone might not understand you?
Or would you rather live in a world where it is simply OK to be yourself and not have to pretend to be your ancestors neanderthal brain.

[woolyg]

I can't thank you enough Alvain for your very thought provoking response,it has certainly had me thinking. I've wrote numerous responses to your post it but as of yet none of them surfice.

Hopefully in the coming days I can collate my the thoughts and post a response. Thankyou again.

[woolyg]

I can't thank you enough Alvain for your very thought provoking response,it has certainly had me thinking. I've wrote numerous responses to your post it but as of yet none of them surfice.

Hopefully in the coming days I can collate my the thoughts and post a response. Thankyou again.

[Trinity]

I personally have a hard time with some of the movies, I get triggered really easily.

But the confusion thing, that getting hung around our necks, that is a major trigger and usually results in a retort that I'm not confused, I know who I am kind of thing. The lack of acceptance by others drives me crazy.

So I hung back on this thread, personally, enjoying watching you two weigh in with stuff and hoping others do as well.

Battle worn here, and partially detransitioned, I certainly identify with the whole forced gender thing, creating the act and the personna, learned how to drop that crap in this little forum. Personally, the social trauma and crap from the seventies in rural America was frankly life threatening.

Hot spot and well worth talking about, whether in context of the movie or out of it.

The last few years with the political climate has been mentally devastating, for all of us I think, I know it took me down and pushed me way too close to the edge, and I'm not really off from that yet either.

Finding the truth of ourselves and being free to me is so important. The problem with this type of conditioning is it leads to the boomerang effect for me, I went way over to the she part of life, loved it really, then after ten years, found myself in another place. The good thing for me is my doc gets it, no gatekeeping on the estrogen, even though I am presenting male now.

But I think its only after we deconstruct what all the reacting and the forcing and all that jazz has done to us that we can strip to what I call the core, find who we really are, shed the labels and make our own label = really just an understanding of who we really are before we got forced to be someone else to please other people.

Self deception is my own biggest danger, and its very easy to do if I am in a reactive state. In a state of rest and peace, the truth comes. We all probably know the truth about ourselves anyway, the hard part is accepting whatever that is. And even embracing it, especially if doing that brings peace, joy, harmony, freedom. But there can be a cost with that, and its a big one, I was in my mid twenties into the marriage and going through this was extremely hard on my wife. She stayed, and we are doing better, she is really happy that I detransitioned at least socially, and I don't like to think of what we went through. But we did, and I think for me I had to go through all of it, to get to the eventual truth, and that truth changed over the years, it wasn't what I thought it was.

I'm really glad I didn't do the operations. I did get a full transition trans female body though, no op.

Its a journey.

Fear is a terrible thing, in relationships, in living. Even in posting.

Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts, I don't know if any of this is helpful, could be off the beam.

Enjoy

[Ativan Prescribed]

Far more people hate the bigots than they do people who describe their gender differently than the narrow thinking of only two.
There are actually more than two different sex that a person can be and your gender is not related to you sex anyways and it is not limited to having to be like a bigot says it has to be no matter how many arguments they toss out there that only make sense to other bigots.
But the real bottom line is that more people believe in a persons gender as they describe it than believe a bigots line of narrow shit thinking, thats a lot like saying the wind can only blow from four directions.
I mean if clowns can walk around carrying their assault rifles and have who knows how many pistols in holsters both visible and not, wear tactical gear like they are fighting a war in Ukraine, and yet they have the gall to expect you to believe them because they also believe in conspiracy theories that make little to no sense, there really isn't an argument going here about gender, they are wrong by virtue of how they think and who they are and everyone else is ok with the fact that you can have a gender that you want, no harm done, no weapons, no threats of harming people, and a whole lot less screaming and yelling and carrying confederate flags from the loser confederate army, really who you going to less afraid of, nuts with guns and bizarre flag rituals or just people happy that you aren't threatening them?
Who you going to trust to tell you the truth, a overweight guy dressed up in military gear with the ammo pouches loaded with protein bars and maybe twinkies or just a normal going about their day and not in your face person?
I kinda fail to trust people who goose step and have a swastika armband, I fail to listen to the loudest person because louder is not more right, and just hateful things that come out of peoples mouths, I kinda stop listening the second they attack someone else.
If they really want to stop some serious bullshit, they need to start with themselves, broaden their thinking just a bit at a time until they are less regimented assholes that refuse to think differently because if the good enough for my father and his father is not necessarily right, why stop thinking after a certain point, does it just hurt too much, I mean its got to hurt to not be able to see things in a different perspective, its just gotta hurt to always think you are right when not that many people agree with you.
Its gotta hurt to live and think like you barely graduated eight grade in todays world, you have more information at the tips of your fingers than we have ever had in history, why keep thinking like its the middle ages, its just got to hurt to not be able to function like you live in the now and are suffering from thinking like somehow it was smarter in the past.