How was your PRIDE 2022?

[jt]

Hi, I am JT.  This years PRIDE fest. was particularly special to me in that I let in more love and acceptance to my heart (both myself and then others).  First I am an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person). Then I am non-binary because I resonate with connections within and without as primary to how I am feeling.  And third I am queer because I do not subscribe only to a hetero-normative sexual identity.

Peace and love

Thnx for reading  :-) 

[Trinity]

Jun 28, 2022 3:58:23 GMT 8 jt said:

Hi, I am JT.  This years PRIDE fest. was particularly impactful to me in that I let in the love and acceptance to my heart.  :-)  So I am still questioning but I think I am resonating with being Non-binary Queer.  (I bought the Gender-Queer PRIDE flag but I think non-binary queer is closer to the mark)  For me this means its first about my sexuality in all the ways I relate to it (watching the sunset for instance) and in regards to another sexuality its really about the connection that determines the type of attraction.  In being queer I sexually identify as not subscribing to only hetero-normative practices.  (More attracted to trans. fem than gay men usually.)

Peace and love

Thnx for reading  :-) 

Welcome to the forum.

Sunsets are so beautiful.  

Personally, I never got into the Pride thing.  Its just me, I live a very private life.

[Iona]

Jun 28, 2022 3:58:23 GMT 8 jt said:

Hi, I am JT.  This years PRIDE fest. was particularly special to me in that I let in more love and acceptance to my heart (both myself and then others).  First I am an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person). Then I am non-binary because I resonate with connections within and without as primary to how I am feeling.  And third I am queer because I do not subscribe only to a hetero-normative sexual identity.

Peace and love

Thnx for reading  :-) 

Hi JT, that is so good to read, and it's great to have you on the forum!

[freq]

There are two Pride events near me. One hasn't taken place yet, the other has. I was planning to go to the first one, but somehow when it came to it, I just couldn't. I'll explain: I've lived as cis hetero male all my life, though was always quite feminine and sensitive (runs in my family).I used to often be mistaken for a girl when I was growing up, even to the age of 15. But it was the 1970s and I was cool with it because I'd been fantasising about being female since about age 8 - including dressing in womens clothes when I got the chance, and getting very excited about wearing makeup in school drama productions. But I also knew I was not gay (people forget how aware the 70s was about such things - I won't say tolerant, but it was definitely on our map). I had very close and dear male friends, but zero sexual or romantic attraction to them. So I thought: hmm, I'm a transvestite - and left it at that. I went to my first Pride event in London in 1992 with a bisexual friend. It was a massive event and honestly I found it quite intimidating (especially the beer tent - but that's probably just me being timid!). A few years later I married my longterm girlfriend who had known about and indulged (even encouraged) my "transvestism" behind closed doors, and we settled down to live a "normal" life. But although she is an amazing person and we had good times and two beautiful children together something wasn't quite right. We divorced when the children went to college. I then fell in love with another amazing woman who was all I could ever have wished for and who also indulged and encouraged my "transvestism" in the course of a generally adventurous sex life. So I remarried and still something wasn't right. By now the penny was dropping that "It's not you, it's me". Basically, my "transvestism" is something much more. More than either of my marriages could accommodate anyway. So I went for counselling with a transwoman therapist and after much reflection we concluded that while feeling and presenting feminine is a major thing for me, I'm not likely to benefit from transitioning. #Moreconfusedthanever. I am now separated from my second wife and we're getting a divorce. But through a local LGBTQ support group I've been talking to a wonderful nonbinary support worker and have realised that nonbinary is a real thing. I will never properly fit into the cis male box, but I'm not full-on trans, and romantically and sexually I'm only really attracted to women. So, it's been a long journey (and a long post!), but now the stage is set for me to burst joyfully onto my local LGBTQ scene. Except when it came to it I couldn't even get myself to a local Pride event. I was having a masc week and just wasn't feeling it (impending divorce wasn't helping). But, I get another chance in another city soon, and I'm hoping that will be a better day. Seeing my support worker has been a great opportunity to practice being dressed fully female in public and I'm getting more confident with it (first time out in a dress today, yay!) so maybe I can rock this after all! What a long strange trip... 🤔 💜

[Leena]

Jul 12, 2022 12:52:26 GMT 8 freq said:

I went to my first Pride event in London in 1992 with a bisexual friend. It was a massive event and honestly I found it quite intimidating (especially the beer tent - but that's probably just me being timid!).

Yeah, they can seem a bit intimidating. Earlier in my transition, a few times I drove around the area near where people parked and were walking to the event, but I couldn't bring myself to park the car and get out. Then they didn't really have big Pride events here for two years.

This year, they did, and I went to one event by myself. I kind of felt not loud and proud enough. I just try to blend in as a middle aged woman the best I can in most situations now. The few situations I don't, I try to blend in as a long haired guy, though I can't really pull it off anymore, especially in warmer weather.

[freq]

I think it was the sheer quantity of testosterone in the air. I'm not that keen on testosterone - neither mine nor anyone else's! 🙂
Nah, it was fun really and an eye opener for cis & hetero youthful me.
These days what stops me is just shyness really and the angst (which I'm still getting used to) of presenting as female in public. But I need to get myself some gender-nonconforming social life so I need to get used to it. Just feeling my way slowly at this point.

[Leena]

I'm still getting used to guys flirting with me. It took awhile to get used to presenting more feminine, and I ending up having to take it in a series of baby steps in order to go outside.

[freq]

Yeah, I think one reason it has taken me so long is that I had the goal (dream?) of being out in public and passing as female, and yet something deep inside was telling me that transitioning was never going to be right for me. So I ended up vacillating and frustrated and that took its toll on me and those around me.

It's early days but it feels like thinking of myself as nonbinary takes some of the pressure off: I don't have be completely convincing at "being a woman" because in fact I was never completely convincing at "being a man". But I mmight be able to do a damn good job of being nonbinary! 🙂

Another way of thinking about it: For me (and I stress "for me" because it absolutely will not go for everyone) there will always be an element of "pretending" in presenting as female. Authenticity is important to me and I don't think I could "pretend" full-time. But if being nonbinary is a real thing (which we're all agreed it is), then I can be authentically nonbinary and still present female - or male for that matter- with integrity.

[Ativan Prescribed]

The only way to 'be' NB is to let it settle in your mind as who you are, there is no standard bearer for NB, its as diverse as the people are, everyone is different.
One thing you are going to do is push yourself into corners every so often in thinking this is who you are, be careful to always be true to yourself and not an image that you would like to be.
You'll have ups and downs and times you feel like you have discovered yourself in ways that might not be true to you, be careful of trapping yourself in things that are not going to pan out like you want them to.
But by all means go on the journey of self discovery, it has rewards as well.

[Trinity]

Yah the whole thing about "pretend" was why I became who I am.

Inside, deep down, we know the truth of who we are. But there are many things that can pull us away from that truth. Yet, that truth is everything.

Flying the Matrix means an awareness of what is real and not real for us, and sometimes using it to our advantage, or enjoyment.

There are no rules for nonbinary. By definition, its "the other", we define it.

There's a lot to work out. I have become quiet, because of seeing too much of the cost of the trans experience, and also because of the worry of someone not understanding the truth of themselves. The sacrifices we make if based on a lie, are far too great.

Stick around and share, its nice to hear it, wakes up the forum again.

I personally never expected to wind up where I am now, after 10 years of hormones.

[Ativan Prescribed]

There are those who insist that NB is a blend of binary gender ideas or constructs, it is actually the lack of following those constructs and just being yourself, NB is not a gender, it is the lack of cis gender constructs, it could be seen as not binary as much as it is non binary.

[freq]

The idea of just rejecting gender markers (neutrois?) does appeal to me on an intellectual level. It seems more coherent than the idea that nonbinary is a mixture of traditional gender elements (which implicitly endorses them, to an extent).

But I also have to take into account that I really (really!) love and enjoy dressing female and presenting as female. (I also sometimes enjoy aspects of being male - and I don't mean only sexual aspects.) So there are some elements of traditional gender constructs that, if I'm honest, I want to be able to access.

How does this sound: traditional gender markers give me something like a language with which I can articulate how I am feeling day to day. What I want to "say" in that language is not the usual cis message. But while I want to use the language in unorthodox ways, I don't want to cut myself off from it altogether, or abolish it altogether (though there are some toxic aspects I'd happily see abolished)?

[Leena]

The binary works relatively fine a lot of people, myself included, both cis and trans.

It doesn't work for everyone though, and the norms and rules for men are currently much more rigid than those for women. They were more rigid for women 100 years ago and earlier.

I ended up much more binary aligned than I thought I would pre-transition. For me, it took people actually perceiving me as woman to know that I like that much better than when they purposely avoid gendering me, though I like that better than them calling me sir.

[Ativan Prescribed]

Because there isn't a language that works for NB, the most common one is to use the cis binary language and it does work pretty good, with the exception that using it totally confuses cis binary when they then think about NB.
They become stuck in the idea that NB think like they do and that NB is like a half and half sort of existence, when it really isn't, it isn't taking some of each and is rather deleting a good share of the construct.
This leads to the common news articles that portray NB as being this half and half and it is apparent in the 'fashion' of NB, they like to show pics of people who are using some of each and combinations when the reality is really people just dress the way they generally want.
There is no dress code for NB while there is for the binary genders because of their construct, and the lack of imagination of cis binary and the construct itself just becomes this baffling sort of thing, to them, how are they supposed to know if you are NB when you don't dress the way they think you should?
Which really goes to show that they don't really understand their own gender when it is dependent on following the dress code rules, in other words they can't really tell that a lot of people are this gender or that without the clues that the fashion codes enforce.
Just more proof that in general it is nothing more than a construct if it is dependent on say wearing clothes that are labeled as male or female, to me its kinda the old T-shirt thing that has 'I'm with Stupid' on the front of it, life would be so much simpler for them if they had clothes that said male and female on them so they wouldn't have to think, and thats really what fashion is basically about, its confining people to a gender.
To each their own, but there is no laws that say you have to wear clothes for this or that gender and you can wear whatever you want, some cis binary get upset if you are borderline in your fashion choices, but thats their problem, not yours.
Wearing a dress doesn't make you a woman, and wearing boy jeans doesn't make you a man, you are if you choose to be either or, and on the other hand wearing some of each is just a way of sticking it to cis binary and their construct.