How to differentiate what is gender and what is style?

[Leena]

I thought I had a personal style pre-everything, but most of the time when I try to draw on it now, I see my younger self and think it was just me trying to fit in with the guys around me.

Almost all my style choices now are really chosen in what makes me most passing, which seems similar. Those choices are not necessarily though as wearing most things that are ultra feminine highlight the masculine features I can't easily change. How do you separate gender and style?

[Trinity]

Jan 20, 2022 14:50:19 GMT 8 Leena said:

I thought I had a personal style pre-everything, but most of the time when I try to draw on it now, I see my younger self and think it was just me trying to fit in with the guys around me.

Almost all my style choices now are really chosen in what makes me most passing, which seems similar. Those choices are not necessarily though as wearing most things that are ultra feminine highlight the masculine features I can't easily change. How do you separate gender and style?

Gender for me is the core of who I am.  Style is expression of a part or a whole of that self, and gender for me as a nonbinary trans person is a thing by itself, sex and sexuality is what it is which is mostly female, but the gender itself is not of the binary, I don't relate to either of the biological cisgender binary sexes.  I have commonalities, but not total immersion.  It can come close, usually more so on the she part of me, but the other side can also get strong enough I guess.

But style is totally different, I rock all kinds of styles, and its a broad range, presentational largely but there's more to it than that because I blend into that presentation, whether is leather and boots or just jeans and heavy shirt, or the gypsy style female presentation that I am so comfortable in, or that nb thing I have where its just undefinable but definitely cool and not anything anyone else looks like that I know, but it looks good on me.

So gender is the core, what's under those styles, whereas the styles are a represenation of some or most of my gender, which is sh'e/they/me.

[Ativan Prescribed]

My out and about style is always the same, black on to from T's in the summer to a black hoodie to a black winter coat, pants are always camo cargo and my tennies are white.
Hair is long and tied back always, winter is more beard time and summer is a scruffy beard most of the time, I'm thinking I will do the goatee look next summer.
I wear a boonie hat to keep the sun out of my eyes and to just kinda hide under sort of, I keep it simple.

[Leena]

I do relate to the binary, I might step on the edge from time to time, but I am not that comfortable straying too far away from either binary. I used to wear black T shirts a lot, and when I wear them now, I'm reminded of my pre-transition self when I look in the mirror.

I guess I am still developing a professional style that doesn't do that. I perhaps need to similarly avoid stuff that is too similar to what I used to wear to the office when I was in the closet.

[Trinity]

Most of my shirts are large to hide the 36b's, though with my size it reads more as gynomastia if I am presenting on the male side.

I often have stubble and am most of the day in my sleepwear, still am right now, most of the time at home its a bathrobe and not much else, or work jeans and a shirt of some kind.

I like the T shirts, most of mine are racing t shirts, pics of cars and stuff, but with the t shirts the boobs print more. Not that I care very much, but its there, usually I throw a shirt over it, so the bra doesn't print (or if I'm carrying, which is usually, then something else isn't printing either).

For hats I like the leather broadband, kind of cowboy hat but its not that, sueade leather with braided parts, or straw with leather and stone over the band. Sometimes a racing hat, depends what I'm doing. I like all kinds of hats.

I'm really not into girly girl stuff, I like nice stuff, bohemian or gypsy style, for sh'e. Spagetti straps and things like that. Not too pink, more earthy colors or rainbow and colorful.

I'm super picky about what I wear.

Definitely didn't follow that old trans narrative of throwing out all the birth sex clothes. I like my old clothes. Especially the old leather jackets, they rock.

Purses are same way, I like suede leather with tassles, so 70's throwback, or 1969 hippie girl kind of look there, just who I am visually and more.

[Trinity]

Ear rings are either studs or feather, I can't seem to bring myself to wear something else, leans too far to the girly girl and that's just not me.

Necklaces, absolutely, love them.

So funny how it is, like right now, men's black satin long bathrobe, really nice, over a negligee, which is pretty normal for me. I'd prefer a long nightgown type of thing, deep v neck plunge and tight at the waist, but with what I like, it takes me far enough into the binary to be passing female and my wife can't handle it. Which kind of sucks but what can you do.

I have nightmares that they'll cut my hair again, they already said something about it, but I honestly don't think I could do it again, not even a short trimmed version.

[Ativan Prescribed]

More often than not, around the apt I wear a long flowing skirt, it doesn't really seem feminine to me, its just super comfortable, wide waist band of some elastic stuff, I can go more than floor length or hitch it up some so its above my ankles.
But for comfort, you just can't beat a long skirt.

[Leena]

I have a hard time getting rid of my old clothes so I just put them in boxes and old suitcases. Just did a little bit more of it now that I was reminded of it. I think I had a kind of cool, slightly androgynous style for awhile pre and early transition, though it was mostly slim fit stuff so they looked better with my old body shape.

I do occasionally still wear the looser fitting things I've kept out, though I'm becoming more comfortable presenting feminine even in situations where I have to use my legal name/ID.

[Leena]

Those clothes also might have looked better with black hair like I used to have when I made my avatar. I could of course go back to black hair, though I think I like lighter shades better now even if they usually end up redder than I'd like. Warmer color clothes probably work better for me now though.

Now that I think about it, I bleached my hair around the same time as I started HRT, and that might be why I feel the need to develop a much different style.

[Trinity]

Jan 23, 2022 23:42:27 GMT 8 Leena said:

Those clothes also might have looked better with black hair like I used to have when I made my avatar. I could of course go back to black hair, though I think I like lighter shades better now even if they usually end up redder than I'd like. Warmer color clothes probably work better for me now though.

Now that I think about it, I bleached my hair around the same time as I started HRT, and that might be why I feel the need to develop a much different style.

Mines just going grey....