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Post by cj0819 on Dec 16, 2021 11:37:43 GMT 8
I have a biologically male body. I grew up in a very conservative part of the country where I still live but want to move when I can afford. My finances aren't great but will improve if I can survive for 6 months. Until recently I have never told anyone my thoughts on my gender and sexuality because I had religious guilt I couldn't shake and am surrounded by people that I know would disapprove. I have lost friends and have strained family relationships simply from having liberal political views.
Feelings I have had: 1. Being forced to wear a shirt and tie at church as a 6 or 7 year old and thinking the dresses girls in my Sunday School were wearing looked more comfortable. 2. In high school my friend explained to me what Powderpuff football was (girls play the game, guys wear the cheerleader dresses) and it sounded really appealing to me. 3. After that I would fantasize about being a woman and wearing extremely feminine clothing and that fantasy has always persisted. 4. In video games where I can create a character, I always create a female character. I have pretended to be female in MMOs. That was the main attraction I had to those games. 5. When I was still single and lived alone, I once bought a pair of pantyhose and wore it around the house under my pajamas because I was afraid a neighbor could see from the window. 6. I never liked traditionally masculine things like sports, working on cars, home improvement projects etc but felt pressure to. 7. I also am not into many traditionally feminine things except for cooking. Most of my hobbies and interests are gender neutral. 8. I don't want to transition. The medical procedures are more pain and expense than I can bear. 9. I am comfortable presenting as male. I have no problem living my life as a man. It isn't uncomfortable or wrong feeling to me. At the same time some days I really wish I could wear a dress and heels. I worry about looking bad in them. I am heavy set and large and broadshouldered and I have a beard that I like having when presenting as male. I also am bald. If I ever ventured out I public like that I would worry about judgment and my personal safety or someone I know that wouldn't approve seeing me.
Am I nonbinary and hiding my feminine side? I don't know what to do to work up the courage to let it out. I wish I lived in a more accepting area. I don't know if I am genderfluid, trans or just a dude that's into cross dressing.
Sometimes it doesn't bother me at all and sometimes it bothers me a lot. The majority of the time it isn't a big deal but occasionally it really eats at me. I told my wife the other day after 9 years of keeping it from her and she was very accepting and said she just wanted me to be happy and my best self and we could dress up together
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Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on Dec 17, 2021 4:52:45 GMT 8
I have a biologically male body. I grew up in a very conservative part of the country where I still live but want to move when I can afford. My finances aren't great but will improve if I can survive for 6 months. Until recently I have never told anyone my thoughts on my gender and sexuality because I had religious guilt I couldn't shake and am surrounded by people that I know would disapprove. I have lost friends and have strained family relationships simply from having liberal political views. Feelings I have had: 1. Being forced to wear a shirt and tie at church as a 6 or 7 year old and thinking the dresses girls in my Sunday School were wearing looked more comfortable. 2. In high school my friend explained to me what Powderpuff football was (girls play the game, guys wear the cheerleader dresses) and it sounded really appealing to me. 3. After that I would fantasize about being a woman and wearing extremely feminine clothing and that fantasy has always persisted. 4. In video games where I can create a character, I always create a female character. I have pretended to be female in MMOs. That was the main attraction I had to those games. 5. When I was still single and lived alone, I once bought a pair of pantyhose and wore it around the house under my pajamas because I was afraid a neighbor could see from the window. 6. I never liked traditionally masculine things like sports, working on cars, home improvement projects etc but felt pressure to. 7. I also am not into many traditionally feminine things except for cooking. Most of my hobbies and interests are gender neutral. 8. I don't want to transition. The medical procedures are more pain and expense than I can bear. 9. I am comfortable presenting as male. I have no problem living my life as a man. It isn't uncomfortable or wrong feeling to me. At the same time some days I really wish I could wear a dress and heels. I worry about looking bad in them. I am heavy set and large and broadshouldered and I have a beard that I like having when presenting as male. I also am bald. If I ever ventured out I public like that I would worry about judgment and my personal safety or someone I know that wouldn't approve seeing me. Am I nonbinary and hiding my feminine side? I don't know what to do to work up the courage to let it out. I wish I lived in a more accepting area. I don't know if I am genderfluid, trans or just a dude that's into cross dressing. Sometimes it doesn't bother me at all and sometimes it bothers me a lot. The majority of the time it isn't a big deal but occasionally it really eats at me. I told my wife the other day after 9 years of keeping it from her and she was very accepting and said she just wanted me to be happy and my best self and we could dress up together Welcome to the forum.
Your wife sounds like a real blessing for you.
Share here, talk it out, the answers will come, and listen to the deep places in your heart. You'll find your way.
Blessings
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Post by Leena on Dec 17, 2021 5:23:35 GMT 8
Welcome to the forum!
That's really a question you have to answer yourself, though you don't necessarily have to answer it immediately.
While more people are accepting in liberal cities, realize that there are some conservatives everywhere, and in places they are fewer in number, they are often louder. The feeling of guilt comes from caring that they disapprove. If you stop considering that their opinion matters, it takes most of it away.
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Post by Ativan Prescribed on Dec 17, 2021 5:53:08 GMT 8
That's really a question you have to answer yourself, though you don't necessarily have to answer it immediately.The feeling of guilt comes from caring that they disapprove. If you stop considering that their opinion matters, it takes most of it away. This. Listening to others approval or disapproval is a pointless exercise in futility. While we freely give our opinions here as well, they are given and always considered as nothing more than opinions. They are not the right or wrong but merely our perceptions. Its in finding those perceptions that we like that can make a difference, especially if we simply didn't consider things that way before. This makes us a family and not experts at anything in particular, just our way of seeing and acting on our own judgements in the hopes that others find something useful. I personally find most everyones opinions and ideas to be novel and have had many times over changed my considerations simply because I see something or someone in a new light.
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Dec 17, 2021 6:14:12 GMT 8
nyx likes this
Post by Ativan Prescribed on Dec 17, 2021 6:14:12 GMT 8
I have a biologically male body. I grew up in a very conservative part of the country where I still live but want to move when I can afford. My finances aren't great but will improve if I can survive for 6 months. Until recently I have never told anyone my thoughts on my gender and sexuality because I had religious guilt I couldn't shake and am surrounded by people that I know would disapprove. I have lost friends and have strained family relationships simply from having liberal political views. Feelings I have had: 1. Being forced to wear a shirt and tie at church as a 6 or 7 year old and thinking the dresses girls in my Sunday School were wearing looked more comfortable. 2. In high school my friend explained to me what Powderpuff football was (girls play the game, guys wear the cheerleader dresses) and it sounded really appealing to me. 3. After that I would fantasize about being a woman and wearing extremely feminine clothing and that fantasy has always persisted. 4. In video games where I can create a character, I always create a female character. I have pretended to be female in MMOs. That was the main attraction I had to those games. 5. When I was still single and lived alone, I once bought a pair of pantyhose and wore it around the house under my pajamas because I was afraid a neighbor could see from the window. 6. I never liked traditionally masculine things like sports, working on cars, home improvement projects etc but felt pressure to. 7. I also am not into many traditionally feminine things except for cooking. Most of my hobbies and interests are gender neutral. 8. I don't want to transition. The medical procedures are more pain and expense than I can bear. 9. I am comfortable presenting as male. I have no problem living my life as a man. It isn't uncomfortable or wrong feeling to me. At the same time some days I really wish I could wear a dress and heels. I worry about looking bad in them. I am heavy set and large and broadshouldered and I have a beard that I like having when presenting as male. I also am bald. If I ever ventured out I public like that I would worry about judgment and my personal safety or someone I know that wouldn't approve seeing me. Am I nonbinary and hiding my feminine side? I don't know what to do to work up the courage to let it out. I wish I lived in a more accepting area. I don't know if I am genderfluid, trans or just a dude that's into cross dressing. Sometimes it doesn't bother me at all and sometimes it bothers me a lot. The majority of the time it isn't a big deal but occasionally it really eats at me. I told my wife the other day after 9 years of keeping it from her and she was very accepting and said she just wanted me to be happy and my best self and we could dress up together This is all totally normal stuff and is like the tip of the iceberg so to speak about how many start their independence from binary gender norms. It doesn't matter if you are NB or trans or a crossdresser, what matters is that you have the ability to stop the guilt thrown out by people who have no idea and are very likely hiding in their closets as well. By throwing guilt out on someone else, many bigots out themselves because they do it to take the pressure off of them being in their prisons or closets, there is really no such a thing as a strictly binary gendered person, everyone has aspects of both genders. Its suppressing your internal feelings that causes mental anguish and pain, but only you know how far and in what direction you want to go to extinguish that agony. Here we talk about our own circumstances in the hopes it will help others, and keep you safe as well, there is nothing worse than that feeling of being trapped. I also am very strongly convinced that gender is nothing more than a social construct, it really doesn't exist like most binary gender people think it does, and I have never met a person who can honestly say they are not attracted to things they consider to be for the other gender. There is no spectrum of gender, there is no sides to it at all, people are made up of aspects that they are constantly throwing away and picking up new ones, none of these aspects are the property of one gender or another, use them as you like. While its true that many people prefer to be known as this or that binary gender, they still use and enjoy many aspects of life that are sometimes considered to be for the 'other' gender, just proof that is a construct, aspects of people are just aspects and gender is not the same thing as yur sex, which is just a label depending on how your chromosomes turned out and while those tend to determine your sex organs, they might very well not do that, there is no guarantee with those either that you are this sex or that, its subjective and not something written in stone. If you want to consider that what's between your legs is the determination of your sex, you are probably right but not always, there are always exceptions to all things when it comes to reproduction which is all that sex is a determination of. Gender is somehow this idea that it is your sex, but because its a construct, it has nothing to do with it, its a social conditioning to think that way, gender is whatever you personally think it is, this or that, some of this or that, none of this or that. Have fun with your wife dressing together, explore with her just like you explore everything in life together, seems to me you are a very lucky person to have a partner in life who is accepting and wants to explore yet another aspect of what life has to offer.
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nyx
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Posts: 175
Gender: FTM Non-Binary
Pronouns: He/His/Him
Orientation: Queer
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Post by nyx on Dec 17, 2021 23:53:09 GMT 8
I have a biologically male body. I grew up in a very conservative part of the country where I still live but want to move when I can afford. My finances aren't great but will improve if I can survive for 6 months. Until recently I have never told anyone my thoughts on my gender and sexuality because I had religious guilt I couldn't shake and am surrounded by people that I know would disapprove. I have lost friends and have strained family relationships simply from having liberal political views. Feelings I have had: 1. Being forced to wear a shirt and tie at church as a 6 or 7 year old and thinking the dresses girls in my Sunday School were wearing looked more comfortable. 2. In high school my friend explained to me what Powderpuff football was (girls play the game, guys wear the cheerleader dresses) and it sounded really appealing to me. 3. After that I would fantasize about being a woman and wearing extremely feminine clothing and that fantasy has always persisted. 4. In video games where I can create a character, I always create a female character. I have pretended to be female in MMOs. That was the main attraction I had to those games. 5. When I was still single and lived alone, I once bought a pair of pantyhose and wore it around the house under my pajamas because I was afraid a neighbor could see from the window. 6. I never liked traditionally masculine things like sports, working on cars, home improvement projects etc but felt pressure to. 7. I also am not into many traditionally feminine things except for cooking. Most of my hobbies and interests are gender neutral. 8. I don't want to transition. The medical procedures are more pain and expense than I can bear. 9. I am comfortable presenting as male. I have no problem living my life as a man. It isn't uncomfortable or wrong feeling to me. At the same time some days I really wish I could wear a dress and heels. I worry about looking bad in them. I am heavy set and large and broadshouldered and I have a beard that I like having when presenting as male. I also am bald. If I ever ventured out I public like that I would worry about judgment and my personal safety or someone I know that wouldn't approve seeing me. Am I nonbinary and hiding my feminine side? I don't know what to do to work up the courage to let it out. I wish I lived in a more accepting area. I don't know if I am genderfluid, trans or just a dude that's into cross dressing. Sometimes it doesn't bother me at all and sometimes it bothers me a lot. The majority of the time it isn't a big deal but occasionally it really eats at me. I told my wife the other day after 9 years of keeping it from her and she was very accepting and said she just wanted me to be happy and my best self and we could dress up together hi and welcome to the forum i agree with everything the others already said. i think it is great that your wife is open to get to know this aspect of your personality, i think it can be a win for a relationship - it was for mine, my partner and i are more than happy about me becoming more like my true self. so i hope you will have great experiences together with your wife! how far you want to go living it out is something that takes time to find out, it is different for everyone individually. don't push yourself and explore whatever feels right for you. and if you like to share something or ask any questions, just do so, we'll be happy to answer.
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