Post by Jiivanii on Nov 20, 2021 8:16:13 GMT 8
Sexual transmutation and sacred sexuality are very important parts of my spiritual practices. This has been complicated for me as a trans person and I'm looking for insight from others.
Context: I am female, I have a strong inner sense of being a man. I have not pursued any kind of medical transition and do not intend to. I am attracted to men. Marriage is very important to me and I want to have a deeply intimate bond with my future mate (God willing I am able to find and be with him) that involves sacred sexuality/tantric sex. Sex is very touchy for me - it is the place where my gender dysphoria is the most concentrated, also, I may have been a victim of sex abuse as a child, I'm not sure. I am currently celebate and plan to continue being celebate until I am married. I have had a lot of sexual experiences in my early 20's though (currently I am 25) and I know that I can experience lovely interchanges of sexual chemistry with men that do feel good to me. And if I am giving oral sex that is lovely as well. but anything beyond that - usually when MY clothes come off, if any kind of sexual act is done towards me, and I tend to go into either a disassociated, panicked, or grief centered state. Part of me is wondering if this is just trauma - and there could be some element of that, and a need for deeper trust with a partner. However, I think the mismatch between my mental image and my physical form is really the key here. I so deeply want to be intimate with my partner in a way that is fully satisfying - and I feel as if I can not do that if they 'cannot see me' or without some form of penetration being involved that I can both feel and doesn't make me feel 'like a woman'.
TL;DR: I am a 25year old non-transitioning transman who wishes to be married to and in a sacred sexual bond with a male in my future. However, I feel like many Tantric teachings don't apply to me - and I have strong gender dysphoria around sex - and so I don't know how to tackle this issue... No pun initially intended
<3 <3
One idea - Tantra is often focused on the energetic aspects of sex versus the physical aspects. I'm hopeful that this can be used to my advantage - that I can derive the intimatcy I'd like in marriage through a bond that is focused on energy as appose to physicality. And through realizing my maleness more deeply on an energetic level - even if my partner and I are having penetrative sex - the sex won't feel like me being 'a woman' because the energetic aspects of my being will transcend the physical aspects. Or even if I can experience the sensations in contradiction - female physicallity and male energy, I think that would settle my 'despair' in this.
yeah, ultimately I know it's all about realizing one-ness and moving past my ego identity... but for god's sake sometimes you just need to burn some karma, throw a dog a bone.
Anyone have insight? Thank you.
Context: I am female, I have a strong inner sense of being a man. I have not pursued any kind of medical transition and do not intend to. I am attracted to men. Marriage is very important to me and I want to have a deeply intimate bond with my future mate (God willing I am able to find and be with him) that involves sacred sexuality/tantric sex. Sex is very touchy for me - it is the place where my gender dysphoria is the most concentrated, also, I may have been a victim of sex abuse as a child, I'm not sure. I am currently celebate and plan to continue being celebate until I am married. I have had a lot of sexual experiences in my early 20's though (currently I am 25) and I know that I can experience lovely interchanges of sexual chemistry with men that do feel good to me. And if I am giving oral sex that is lovely as well. but anything beyond that - usually when MY clothes come off, if any kind of sexual act is done towards me, and I tend to go into either a disassociated, panicked, or grief centered state. Part of me is wondering if this is just trauma - and there could be some element of that, and a need for deeper trust with a partner. However, I think the mismatch between my mental image and my physical form is really the key here. I so deeply want to be intimate with my partner in a way that is fully satisfying - and I feel as if I can not do that if they 'cannot see me' or without some form of penetration being involved that I can both feel and doesn't make me feel 'like a woman'.
TL;DR: I am a 25year old non-transitioning transman who wishes to be married to and in a sacred sexual bond with a male in my future. However, I feel like many Tantric teachings don't apply to me - and I have strong gender dysphoria around sex - and so I don't know how to tackle this issue... No pun initially intended
<3 <3 One idea - Tantra is often focused on the energetic aspects of sex versus the physical aspects. I'm hopeful that this can be used to my advantage - that I can derive the intimatcy I'd like in marriage through a bond that is focused on energy as appose to physicality. And through realizing my maleness more deeply on an energetic level - even if my partner and I are having penetrative sex - the sex won't feel like me being 'a woman' because the energetic aspects of my being will transcend the physical aspects. Or even if I can experience the sensations in contradiction - female physicallity and male energy, I think that would settle my 'despair' in this.
yeah, ultimately I know it's all about realizing one-ness and moving past my ego identity... but for god's sake sometimes you just need to burn some karma, throw a dog a bone.
Anyone have insight? Thank you.