Kiara
New Member
Posts: 1
Gender: Demigirl
Pronouns: Any
Orientation: Demi/Pan; Poly
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Apr 22, 2021 20:41:42 GMT 8
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Kiara
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Aug 31, 2020 3:49:52 GMT 8
August 2020
kiara
Demigirl
Any
Demi/Pan; Poly
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Post by Kiara on Dec 7, 2020 3:49:34 GMT 8
Hello! I'm Kiara and I've spent most of my life playing female like a good little AFAB. As a child I'd always be in-between tomboy and girly girl (the latter due to trying to please my abusive mother). Being somewhere in-between was just fine until I reached adulthood and then there was the constant pressure of presenting as a mature female all the time. I could get away with a bit of of youthful mixing like over-sized regular (aka men's) t-shirts with women's pants in my early twenties, but getting older and into my 30's there's this expectation of "growing up." Which meant getting rid of all my "childish" t-shirts and buying fitted clothing appropriate for a woman of my age. I still kept a good chunk of my clothing and I'm grateful that I did. Playing a "lady" began eat away at me inside, and I at least still have some of the clothing that reflects who I truly am. I was raised that women had to dress and act a certain way. My mother always taught me that people were constantly judging me and I wouldn't get anywhere in life without acting/dressing like a lady. Of course she pushed education too, but that didn't matter if I didn't look the part. She was cruel and abusive, but she gave me the knowledge and skills to survive after she kicked me out. I played the part assigned to me and got a job, a car, and an apartment. I did it for many years despite the toll it on me to just constantly be one way. Over the past few years I've realized just how bad things have gotten for me. As my situation has improved (financially, emotionally, etc), I've slowly starting trying reclaim parts of myself I've tried to hide/forget. The most difficult part has been my gender identity. Besides the usual "girl rule, boys drool" bit of my childhood, I wasn't so aware of my female-ness until I started puberty at a young age. I forced myself into accepting the body I had been given and just tried my best to make do for many years. I was firmly and unavoidably a female and there was no way anyone would ever mistake me as anything else. Even recently as I've been exploring my gender identity I felt I had no other choice than to pick demigirl, because I felt like there was just no hiding the fact I was born female (especially with a huge chest). I've been jealous of other humans who can pass as either male or female or anything in-between as I feel like that's something I can never do. I know it's silly and it's not like there is one true way to be a gender. Still, it's difficult to escape the gender binary especially when you're so visually physically stuck at one end of it.
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May 16, 2024 7:57:51 GMT 8
7,160
Trinity
DES Trans
14,583
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Hello
Dec 7, 2020 4:12:25 GMT 8
Post by Trinity on Dec 7, 2020 4:12:25 GMT 8
Hello! I'm Kiara and I've spent most of my life playing female like a good little AFAB. As a child I'd always be in-between tomboy and girly girl (the latter due to trying to please my abusive mother). Being somewhere in-between was just fine until I reached adulthood and then there was the constant pressure of presenting as a mature female all the time. I could get away with a bit of of youthful mixing like over-sized regular (aka men's) t-shirts with women's pants in my early twenties, but getting older and into my 30's there's this expectation of "growing up." Which meant getting rid of all my "childish" t-shirts and buying fitted clothing appropriate for a woman of my age. I still kept a good chunk of my clothing and I'm grateful that I did. Playing a "lady" began eat away at me inside, and I at least still have some of the clothing that reflects who I truly am. I was raised that women had to dress and act a certain way. My mother always taught me that people were constantly judging me and I wouldn't get anywhere in life without acting/dressing like a lady. Of course she pushed education too, but that didn't matter if I didn't look the part. She was cruel and abusive, but she gave me the knowledge and skills to survive after she kicked me out. I played the part assigned to me and got a job, a car, and an apartment. I did it for many years despite the toll it on me to just constantly be one way. Over the past few years I've realized just how bad things have gotten for me. As my situation has improved (financially, emotionally, etc), I've slowly starting trying reclaim parts of myself I've tried to hide/forget. The most difficult part has been my gender identity. Besides the usual "girl rule, boys drool" bit of my childhood, I wasn't so aware of my female-ness until I started puberty at a young age. I forced myself into accepting the body I had been given and just tried my best to make do for many years. I was firmly and unavoidably a female and there was no way anyone would ever mistake me as anything else. Even recently as I've been exploring my gender identity I felt I had no other choice than to pick demigirl, because I felt like there was just no hiding the fact I was born female (especially with a huge chest). I've been jealous of other humans who can pass as either male or female or anything in-between as I feel like that's something I can never do. I know it's silly and it's not like there is one true way to be a gender. Still, it's difficult to escape the gender binary especially when you're so visually physically stuck at one end of it. Welcome to the forum! You are not alone in this, hopefully others with similar feelings will respond, we are very small, but hopefully you will find understanding and comraderie here. -Trin
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Feb 21, 2024 9:02:26 GMT 8
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Iona
293
Mar 6, 2019 21:43:50 GMT 8
March 2019
jos
Non-Binary
transfeminine / agender
She/Her
She/her//they/them
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Hello
Dec 7, 2020 4:19:45 GMT 8
via mobile
Post by Iona on Dec 7, 2020 4:19:45 GMT 8
Hi Kiara! Welcome along!
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Dec 19, 2014 12:17:49 GMT 8
1,707
Leena
2,309
Dec 19, 2014 12:12:25 GMT 8
December 2014
veronicalynn
She/Her
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Hello
Dec 7, 2020 6:39:51 GMT 8
Post by Leena on Dec 7, 2020 6:39:51 GMT 8
Welcome to the forum Kiara! I'm a bit jealous of people that can pass as either binary too, doing what I needed to do in order of having any chance of passing as a woman made it so I don't really pass as a guy.
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1
May 16, 2024 7:57:51 GMT 8
7,160
Trinity
DES Trans
14,583
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on Dec 7, 2020 8:32:49 GMT 8
Hello! I'm Kiara and I've spent most of my life playing female like a good little AFAB. As a child I'd always be in-between tomboy and girly girl (the latter due to trying to please my abusive mother). Being somewhere in-between was just fine until I reached adulthood and then there was the constant pressure of presenting as a mature female all the time. I could get away with a bit of of youthful mixing like over-sized regular (aka men's) t-shirts with women's pants in my early twenties, but getting older and into my 30's there's this expectation of "growing up." Which meant getting rid of all my "childish" t-shirts and buying fitted clothing appropriate for a woman of my age. I still kept a good chunk of my clothing and I'm grateful that I did. Playing a "lady" began eat away at me inside, and I at least still have some of the clothing that reflects who I truly am. I was raised that women had to dress and act a certain way. My mother always taught me that people were constantly judging me and I wouldn't get anywhere in life without acting/dressing like a lady. Of course she pushed education too, but that didn't matter if I didn't look the part. She was cruel and abusive, but she gave me the knowledge and skills to survive after she kicked me out. I played the part assigned to me and got a job, a car, and an apartment. I did it for many years despite the toll it on me to just constantly be one way. Over the past few years I've realized just how bad things have gotten for me. As my situation has improved (financially, emotionally, etc), I've slowly starting trying reclaim parts of myself I've tried to hide/forget. The most difficult part has been my gender identity. Besides the usual "girl rule, boys drool" bit of my childhood, I wasn't so aware of my female-ness until I started puberty at a young age. I forced myself into accepting the body I had been given and just tried my best to make do for many years. I was firmly and unavoidably a female and there was no way anyone would ever mistake me as anything else. Even recently as I've been exploring my gender identity I felt I had no other choice than to pick demigirl, because I felt like there was just no hiding the fact I was born female (especially with a huge chest). I've been jealous of other humans who can pass as either male or female or anything in-between as I feel like that's something I can never do. I know it's silly and it's not like there is one true way to be a gender. Still, it's difficult to escape the gender binary especially when you're so visually physically stuck at one end of it. Reclaiming who you are is huge. Decluttering all the rules and expectations and pressures is a big part in freeing yourself. A lot of us go on that journey, and there is so much stuff, resentment, anger, fear, all that programming that we sometimes here refer to as The Matrix, really gets in the way of that quiet place we learn to find where the truth lives. This forum is about the truth, finding your own, becoming free. I personally have the ability to be any gender comfortably, it must be hard when you have the physical barriers. I was able to change my own but didn't get the chest I wanted. I might, however, have gotten the chest I needed. Welcome to the forum. I gave a way far too much of myself and its been a long journey to get it back.
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4,666
Ativan Prescribed
8,479
Jan 9, 2015 10:22:46 GMT 8
January 2015
ativanprescribed
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Hello
Dec 7, 2020 10:58:43 GMT 8
Post by Ativan Prescribed on Dec 7, 2020 10:58:43 GMT 8
Hello! I'm Kiara and I've spent most of my life playing female like a good little AFAB. As a child I'd always be in-between tomboy and girly girl (the latter due to trying to please my abusive mother). Being somewhere in-between was just fine until I reached adulthood and then there was the constant pressure of presenting as a mature female all the time. I could get away with a bit of of youthful mixing like over-sized regular (aka men's) t-shirts with women's pants in my early twenties, but getting older and into my 30's there's this expectation of "growing up." Which meant getting rid of all my "childish" t-shirts and buying fitted clothing appropriate for a woman of my age. I still kept a good chunk of my clothing and I'm grateful that I did. Playing a "lady" began eat away at me inside, and I at least still have some of the clothing that reflects who I truly am. I was raised that women had to dress and act a certain way. My mother always taught me that people were constantly judging me and I wouldn't get anywhere in life without acting/dressing like a lady. Of course she pushed education too, but that didn't matter if I didn't look the part. She was cruel and abusive, but she gave me the knowledge and skills to survive after she kicked me out. I played the part assigned to me and got a job, a car, and an apartment. I did it for many years despite the toll it on me to just constantly be one way. Over the past few years I've realized just how bad things have gotten for me. As my situation has improved (financially, emotionally, etc), I've slowly starting trying reclaim parts of myself I've tried to hide/forget. The most difficult part has been my gender identity. Besides the usual "girl rule, boys drool" bit of my childhood, I wasn't so aware of my female-ness until I started puberty at a young age. I forced myself into accepting the body I had been given and just tried my best to make do for many years. I was firmly and unavoidably a female and there was no way anyone would ever mistake me as anything else. Even recently as I've been exploring my gender identity I felt I had no other choice than to pick demigirl, because I felt like there was just no hiding the fact I was born female (especially with a huge chest). I've been jealous of other humans who can pass as either male or female or anything in-between as I feel like that's something I can never do. I know it's silly and it's not like there is one true way to be a gender. Still, it's difficult to escape the gender binary especially when you're so visually physically stuck at one end of it. One thing people have a hard time understanding is that virtually everyone has the very same makeup as gender, there are differences to be sure with sex, but gender is a construct that society has driven into the ground with rules and even regulations. Everyone has some of what is considered a gender trait, which it isn't, but certain things have been assignedto different sex's and passed off as gender, a case in point is the boys/men don't cry, bullshit, they are forced to hide it is all, everyone cries for the same reasons, everyone. Things like how a person presents is not a gender thing, it is just a part of the way they assigned rules and such, there are no rules, none that say you have to be like this or that, they make gender a part of a persons sex and unless you know for a fact that your chromosomes are just so, even that can be questioned. Gender is not a real thing, it is the construct of society and society thinks it can dictate it by the so called rules, just like there are mens depts and womens depts in clothing, its pure bullshit to force these non existent rules onto people, clothes can be cut any way you want, any colors you want, clothes are based on differences in sex to a degree, but they are not gendered in the sense that they have a gender, just because they label them as such makes it easier for the people who make them to sell in whatever dept they want, seriously, you see guys wearing tight T shirts all the time and pink or bright colored, that they bought them in the mens dept means nothing, it just means that is where they bought them, they could find the same fit and colors basically in the women's dept, because gender is a made up thing, a construct, it isn't real, its a guideline that society takes to an extreme. First big thing to know and understand is that you have a sex, everyone does, and even that can be something other than male or female and there are females and men who have the same chromosome makeup as the apparent opposite sex, and that is what determines sex, not even genitals can, they can indicate, but until your chromosomes are checked, you don't know for sure 100%, and they never check them unless something really weird comes up for Drs and the like, gender is not the same thing as sex, gender is what it means to you and nobody can tell you what that is, its whatever you think it is for you and you alone, you can't tell someone else what their gender is because you have no idea how they feel about theirs. So what you think about your gender is your business, it has nothing to do with your assigned at birth sex which they never ever actually check, they go by whatever you have for genitals, if you were born with intersex genitals, they still don't check, they pick and choose whichever is going to give them the best results, they don't bother to check your sex with chromosomes, they go by whatever is going to be easiest for them to butcher into whatever they want, gender has nothing to do with it because gender is something that you in general don't even have a realization of until you are around three years old, thats the point where children start to realize the construct of gender and usually will pick and choose at about that point, but that they have no idea until then is all the reason in the world why it is not a real thing, it is just what society uses for various things and in general, almost all of it is fashion related, but then fashion always tries out a non gendered look every generation that come along, they roll out the a variation of the same non gendered look which is not non, but instead is a mix and match because they are totally locked into the idea that gender rules apply to clothes. So realize first that gender is a construct and you don't have to have one, there are no rules that say you do, there are laws for things sex related, but you don't have a slot on birth certificates or marriage license or driver license that says gender, it says sexsand its just a best guess thing anyways. There are very few states that have actual laws about what your sex is, in a lot of them, it is whatever you say it is, and in no states are there actual laws that say gender is or isn't, they have laws about sex and even then most of them just go with the flow, but gender for yourself is whatever it is you think it is.
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