Age and Gender Expression

[Becky]

I’ve been dwelling on the issue of age and gender expression recently.

I belong to several N.B. groups on Facebook, and there are a lot of young folks in them. I see people in their teens and twenties, rocking some amazing looks. They have brightly dyed hair, piercings, amazing outfits, and vivid makeup. And they are out and loud in public, basically giving the middle finger to gender norms.

And I feel SO jealous.

I’m rapidly approaching 50, but I only discovered my gender identity a few years ago. And I’ve come to realize just how much joy and energy I get from expressing myself in genderqueer ways. And this jealousy boils up, because I feel like I missed out on my chance to express myself so boldly.

I did my teens wrong.

In my 1980’s high school days, I tried to dress and act in a way that would blend in, and saved the outfits and makeup for my bedroom at home. I had no idea why I was doing it, and there were ZERO queer kids at school or queer role models on TV.

Now, when I want to do crazy things and enjoy all the queer energy and euphoria, I feel like I’m too old. I want to let this flood of queerness out of myself that’s been held back for so long, but who wants to see a middle-aged person with crazy hair and makeup? In my mind, I feel and look like my avatar. But real life is very different.

How do you folks feel about age and gender expression?

[Yuki]

May 21, 2020 20:35:21 GMT 8 Becky said:

I’ve been dwelling on the issue of age and gender expression recently.

I belong to several N.B. groups on Facebook, and there are a lot of young folks in them. I see people in their teens and twenties, rocking some amazing looks. They have brightly dyed hair, piercings, amazing outfits, and vivid makeup. And they are out and loud in public, basically giving the middle finger to gender norms.

And I feel SO jealous.

I’m rapidly approaching 50, but I only discovered my gender identity a few years ago. And I’ve come to realize just how much joy and energy I get from expressing myself in genderqueer ways. And this jealousy boils up, because I feel like I missed out on my chance to express myself so boldly.

I did my teens wrong.

In my 1980’s high school days, I tried to dress and act in a way that would blend in, and saved the outfits and makeup for my bedroom at home. I had no idea why I was doing it, and there were ZERO queer kids at school or queer role models on TV.

Now, when I want to do crazy things and enjoy all the queer energy and euphoria, I feel like I’m too old. I want to let this flood of queerness out of myself that’s been held back for so long, but who wants to see a middle-aged person with crazy hair and makeup? In my mind, I feel and look like my avatar. But real life is very different.

How do you folks feel about age and gender expression?

I always thought it was awesome to see older people rocking the crazy hair, even when I was younger.

If an 80 year old wants to have rainbow hair and an undercut and wear bright makeup, fuck yeah that's cool.

Why can't older people be more artistic and have fun with how they look? Why do we all have to start looking more and more alike, the older we get?

I'm here struggling to not let that happen to me. I was so eccentric with how I dressed in middle/high school. I guess going to an arts school will do that. So why do I have to dull myself down, now?

Because that's what makes everyone else comfortable?

I want to go back to wearing art. I still want to be doing it when I'm 50.. or 80.. because that's just part of who I've always been. Age shouldn't mean I have to change what I enjoy as long as I'm still enjoying it.

I might tone it down a bit if I had to for a job, but I'd still let it show in what ways I could. And on my days off.

When we have a house, I plan to decorate that with stuff I make, too.

If you're able to color your hair and you want to, then go for it. Age shouldn't be the only thing that dictates what you do. We can learn to do it in ways that will get us in less trouble if we need to as we get older. Lol

Maybe I just don't do very well living to make everyone else comfortable. I can't do it for long periods of time. It makes me miserable.

[Trinity]

My dysphoria this morning is absolutely redlined. Transitioned or not.

When you have been forced to live a lie, the pain levels eventually overwhelm and you break, at least for me, and you transition to who you really are, and set that person free. And the other people that condemn you can go to heck.

Being 70 and rocking a mini might not work, then again, it might. Its a matter of personal style and self expression.

Personally I am the bohemian gypsy. But I lived the persona that protects h'er for so long that it became a part of me. It became me.

I was thinking of gender as construct and if I agree with that and I don't. I think its deeply in the soul and a real thing and who we are. But what is done to it, that can be a construct. I was thinking of intersex friends who were raised the wrong gender, and the hell they go through. Certainly not a choice, they know who they are, I know who I am too.

I can go all the way sh'e, if I really let myself I think I could do it and never turn back. Just let go of the last fingernail hold on the mask I wear, all too often. For who is to tell what character trait is he or she, I know my physical gender is binary trans female, my mental gender is nonbinary trans. I am acutely aware of that.

I paid far to high a price for late transition, but I am glad I did pay it.

This morning I was in deep prayer, and then after fufilling family needs, I started the stretching that is the prelude to dance warm ups, deep relaxation technique called the Linklater Method taught in the 70's to release the body and the emotions.

Mine released, the rage left me, the persona left me, and I was left with sh'e. Sh'e was freed this morning, once I got the tension out of the deep places in my body.

Its other people that force me to live one way or another, the matrix and its safety issues, the family and their bigotry or transphobia or whatever reasons, their non acceptance that Dad is trans female and they can't change that, nobody can change that, I can't even change that.

Cheated? Can't even go there. Too much pain, have to stay in the moment, greatful for what I have now, and looking at how I can improve what I have now to be more free.

Hot topic today.

That physical release put me in a place of total exhaustion. Much of what I do is driven by dysphoric depression. I try to escape it any way that I can. But the easier way is just to rest into me.

That angry person was dabbed on me, by the matrix, by burn out, by so many things. It was dabbed onto me, but it is not me. I am sh'e, SJ, Trinity. The loving fierce fairy of the unicorn forest, it was who I was when I first started this, and sh'e is still there inside me.

I want to win that ground back. I'll do whatever I have to in order to get it. To be free of the anger and free to be me instead of tensing up all the time out of fear of rejection or shaming or reprisal.

Be who you are, be the way God made you and work it out with Him. You have to be certain.

The stifling of creativity and self expression is an evil thing. We didn't know in the 70's what any of this is. Back then it was all considered transvestism, men wearing womens clothes. We were utterly clueless.

At least now we know the truth of it.

Once again I asked myself, am I sinning being me, being condemned as me, and the answer is of course not, I am DES trans, there was no choice, its a womb transition and ignorant people trying to fix a birth anomoly that cannot ever be fixed. I can only transition to find peace of mind. DES was my trigger, but there are other reasons we are born trans, physically wired and born trans. Its a medical condition.

I wish I had transitioned fully when I was 16. We didn't know. And I would not have the life I have now. I don't know what life I would have had, but my children would not exist, and my wife would probably be living alone and not happy.

So I am greatful for the path that God took me on, and I am not done yet, not at all.

Sh'e must be free and esteemed, and loved as sh'e is.

That is my story in it, how it applies to you, or others here, only you would know. I can only speak for myself.

In the now. Just the now. I have nothing else, but I have the now. What I give away of myself to others, they will take, what I keep for myself, is a gift I give to me. If they love me, they will let me have that gift.

The diamond tightrope.

[Trinity]

[Trinity]

[Leena]

I experimented a bit with wild hair when I was in college. I'm not sure I really liked it, I didn't like everyone staring at me. This isn't that different than how I often felt when first started publicly presenting feminine. I also had a few bad experiences when I left to go home to my small town on breaks.

It's not uncommon to see middle aged women with wild colored hair, at least around here, though they seem to usually be out with their teenage daughters that have even wilder hair. I think if I were to go wild in that or similar ways now, it would sort of come off the same.

I guess I do like to blend in, at least most of the time. It's hard, because that does push me towards either binary. I don't entirely dislike dressing like most middle aged women dress though.

I don't really feel like I was cheated. I don't regret not transitioning in the 90's. Living as a long haired guy actually was almost enough for me, though I wasn't going to be OK with living as a bald guy. I'm kind of still not sure basically living as a long haired guy isn't enough for me, even if I need to be on HRT to keep it at this point. That it also makes me look younger and more feminine is a huge bonus. If I could have gotten on HRT back in the 90's without being "full time", I probably would have done it, though that wasn't an option then.

To me, I've lived a much better life as a long haired guy than I would have as a visibly trans woman. I guess I don't have as much need to socially transition because I'm not that social of a person. I maybe would have been had I been able to transition as a kid, but I didn't and built a persona that sort of works when viewed as a long haired guy, but is somehow problematic as a trans woman.

[Ativan Prescribed]

If you look and see someone dressed wildly or very different and wonder whats up with that, then the look is probably something that isn't for you.
It's kinda like the late tranistioning trans person who is wearing a noticeably younger look, short shorts and maybe a mini skirt, just doesn't look normal no matter how they try to pull it off.
But that said, there is no reason in the world why you can't dress or look any way you want, you just have to be ready for the inevitable stares from conservatively dressed and looking people.
I think about how much a certain look will cause someone to stand out, and thats the real reason to look different and out of the ordinary, dressing that way is your right, but so is it the right of people to look and stare.
The older people get, the more they tend to not want to stand out, standing out can be a big hassle in having to explain what you are doing it for, because thats exactly what people think, why are you doing it?
When I was in my teens, standing out by upsetting the conservative look of the times was a badge of honor and I did it to upset those who didn't like it, long hair and weird clothes, I wanted the hair because it fit me personally, but the way I dressed was entirely to piss off the establishment.
My generation was the one that broke the molds of that establishment, and it carried over to this time, so by looking different, it isn't that big a deal, and yet there are those establishment people who think they look normal, and yet they don't.
People have a lot more looks they can use and go to if they want and still be within the bounds of normal enough that people don't see them and immediately think what the F is wrong with them.
Think about it this way, if you wear a suit to the beach, you look out of place, wear nothing at all and somebody is sure to call the cops, but then most people even then won't, because most people don't see the bare look as bad, but they will wonder why you are doing it.
Younger people will always have their own fashions they use, no matter what it is, its theirs.
You can't be a generation or two away from them and expect like you can use it as well, and the fashion we had as teens and later that went away had run its course, but there are of course parts of it that still exist, its been incorporated into today.
Having a hairstyle like some of the 80's bands had that lasted all of the amount of time they had a hit single isn't the kind of look that endures, but there has always been that sort of hippie look that remains, because it was accepted as a part of Americana, and not like the flash in the pan in your face 80's band look was, anyone want the disco look to make a comeback? Bell bottom jeans will always be around because it isn't originally a hippie look, it's been around for a lot longer, same with long hair, short hair is a relatively recent thing and who cares about hair length besides the stick up their ass redneck republican still wear plaid shirts everyday crowd and they even have long hair in that group of them, but they will tell you they can and you can't because that is the logic of that group.
But the older we get, the more it isn't that we are expected to be conservative in our looks, its that most people use the same look they have for years and it has become a normal of a sort, different age groups gravitate to certain looks, step away from it and you look, just different.
Different is the mainstay of fashion, it thrives to push the boundaries all the time and because the boundaries are pretty much age defined, the older you are, the easier it is to push past them a bit by incorporating a younger look.
It isn't that wearing one of the binary cis taboos of wearing clothes from what they determine is your proper clothes for you if you don't want to, go ahead, but just be ready to look different and the outside possibility that you might be asked whats up with the look.
I wear the very same look all the time, here at home its different from when I go out, and when I go out I'm all but unseen which for me is the way I like it, nobody looks at me, nobody has a thing to say about it, and that suites me just fine, I don't feel like explaining the universe to some idiot who thinks others are their business, and most of the time its those very same people who do look oddly out of place, even if they have the same basic look as me, for some reason they always look out of place, I think it has mostly to do with their paranoid looking at everything and the head twisting and looking like they are just plain scared of the world, more than what they have as their own personal fashion, which they don't seem to be able to pull off regardless of what they wear, they always have that trying to look superior and yet look like they will pee their pants at the same time thing going on.
But nobody got cheated out of anything as far as what they got to wear, you have always had the right to look any way you want, and the reasons you didn't look one way back then has a lot to do with how you look now, you wear what is going to be comfortable for you personally, wear whatever that is.

[veganicecream]

May 21, 2020 20:35:21 GMT 8 Becky said:

I’ve been dwelling on the issue of age and gender expression recently.

I belong to several N.B. groups on Facebook, and there are a lot of young folks in them. I see people in their teens and twenties, rocking some amazing looks. They have brightly dyed hair, piercings, amazing outfits, and vivid makeup. And they are out and loud in public, basically giving the middle finger to gender norms.

And I feel SO jealous.

I’m rapidly approaching 50, but I only discovered my gender identity a few years ago. And I’ve come to realize just how much joy and energy I get from expressing myself in genderqueer ways. And this jealousy boils up, because I feel like I missed out on my chance to express myself so boldly.

I did my teens wrong.

In my 1980’s high school days, I tried to dress and act in a way that would blend in, and saved the outfits and makeup for my bedroom at home. I had no idea why I was doing it, and there were ZERO queer kids at school or queer role models on TV.

Now, when I want to do crazy things and enjoy all the queer energy and euphoria, I feel like I’m too old. I want to let this flood of queerness out of myself that’s been held back for so long, but who wants to see a middle-aged person with crazy hair and makeup? In my mind, I feel and look like my avatar. But real life is very different.

How do you folks feel about age and gender expression?

I really want to dress and express myself in a more queer way. I used to dress and express myself more, before I moved. Now I live in a fairly conservative place, i don't feel that I can express myself.

I don't think that expressing yourself should be restricted to the young. Personally, I like seeing people of all ages express themselves - I love people expressing themselves in the variety of ways that fits them. I'm not a huge fan of conformity.

I'm definitely planning on expressing myself again in a way that is more congruent with me,

I'd say dress in a way that feels right for you - maybe you could try a bit at a time and see how it feels?

[Ativan Prescribed]

May 24, 2020 17:14:33 GMT 8 veganicecream said:

May 21, 2020 20:35:21 GMT 8 Becky said:

I really want to dress and express myself in a more queer way. I used to dress and express myself more, before I moved. Now I live in a fairly conservative place, i don't feel that I can express myself.

I don't think that expressing yourself should be restricted to the young. Personally, I like seeing people of all ages express themselves - I love people expressing themselves in the variety of ways that fits them. I'm not a huge fan of conformity.

I'm definitely planning on expressing myself again in a way that is more congruent with me,

I'd say dress in a way that feels right for you - maybe you could try a bit at a time and see how it feels?

Conservative areas with conservative people taking up more space than they deserve or need, leads to stifled nonconformity.
It's as if the sense of different is a foreign thing in those areas, rural america is one thing, and the pace is slower, but it isn't as conservative as people think, other than in some areas.
But even in the rural, people see things all the time and will notice the smallest things and the lack of change leads them to speculate about different.
And it being in general conservative (which came first?), people tend to dress the same and even look the same to a degree, it's a wasteland of conservatism and to defy it means you are an outsider.
Which causes all sorts of difficulties for some depending on how far out they are from the rigidness of the local conservatives, who tend to be the school board and the town council members because its such a conservative thing to aspire to.
When everyone looks, acts and dresses the same all the time, I suspect their mental alertness tapers off into the doldrums of their minds, going through life with their mental blinders on and for change to take place, something big has to happen on a large scale.
I'm kinda thinking that trump has screwed the pooch so badly that life is about to get hugely better once this virus thing gets under control, it isn't so much that people want the country open again as they just want to forget how badly it is being run into the ground by trump and republicans.
I think people are willing to get their guns out and pretend like they are defending liberty (with guns this makes no sense) and really just want to stir shit up out of the pain of boredom from three and a half years of trumps lies and taking more and more away from people.
Now is a good time to be the peacock and let others know you are not going to be pushed around by the protesters with their masturbation rifles slung around their necks, and honestly, a huge majority of people think they are jerks, so have at it and be ready once this thing is over.
Trump has now killed over twice as many as Vietnam did over a decade and several presidents, he has single handedly done this in under three months time and is trying to convince people that it could have been worse, like a few million or some such bullshit.
Saying it could have been worse is like telling the dead it could have been worse if they had been shot twice in the head instead of once, and why that comes to mind is simply trump.
There has never ever been a worse president and its up to the people to make sure he never gets elected for anything again and has all of the lawsuits against him go to court so he can be tried and convicted, along with his family and half the republicans in Washington DC, they need to know the country isn't going to take their shit any longer, along with these so called patriots who couldn't be further from the truth with their so called freedom rights trying to intimidate the shit out of people, that isn't patriotism, it's assholeism.

[Ativan Prescribed]

[kalima]

"Now, when I want to do crazy things and enjoy all the queer energy and euphoria, I feel like I’m too old. I want to let this flood of queerness out of myself that’s been held back for so long, but who wants to see a middle-aged person with crazy hair and makeup? In my mind, I feel and look like my avatar. But real life is very different."

I feel that, too, Becky. I didn't discover that I was a female soul in a male body until 18 months ago, and I am 61. I had suppressed myself for so long that I am still a young woman in my mind's eye. It is so incongruous to look in the mirror that for the moment, I would rather look like a reasonably good-looking older male than to try to look like my younger female self. But I am okay with that, because I am making that choice. Meanwhile, I am experimenting with presenting as a woman in private and with my spouse to see if I can adjust my mind's eye. One positive attribute of being older is that my appearance isn't nearly as important to me as knowing who I am inside.