Hey!! I'm new here

[rainbowsheep03]

Hi everyone!

My name's Jay (Jessie in real life - but I've been calling myself Jay elsewhere because it's more gender-neutral and i like it...). I'm 16 years old and from Australia   I'm neurodiverse (Asperger's + ADD) and like to read and draw (or anything creative!) and blast rock/punk rock music! huh... where to start? Okay so I was assigned female at birth but realised that I am actually non-binary quite recently. I'm not really a girl or a guy inside - I just feel like I'm floating somewhere in between the two...The term "non-binary" just feels right and makes sense, for me.

My ummm *very large feminine chest area* makes me feel very uncomfortable, anxious and depressed as I guess every time I look in the mirror I get reminded full blast that I am physically a "girl". But that's NOT who I really am! So i feel like crying and screaming every single time I see that part of me  

I really want to get top surgery at some stage as it would help me feel more myself and the person in the mirror will finally more closely match who I am inside! The thought makes me feel so happy and excited! So I've started frantically to try and save up money...Though it'd probably take a good few years as top surgery is expensive as damn  

I've been presenting and dressing as a girl for most of my life, but recently I've been trying out guys clothes and it just feels so right and I feel great! So the guys clothes/gender neutral section is kind of my go to place now

Errr what else!... I have struggled with depression and anorexia for the past 3 years and am *currently* in a stage where I'm somewhat okay! Figuring out my gender identity has actually helped a lot with both those things, as it gives me something else to focus on and I know more about who I am and like hearing about others similar experiences. 

I'm really lonely though at the moment, so I guess I've come on here to just be able to chat to others who I can relate to without having to freak about social skills and face to face interaction! And maybe make some friends and hear other's stories. 

That's pretty much me in a nutshell Thanks for reading and nice to meet y'all! 

[Maka]

Hi Jay, welcome! :hugs:

[Trinity]

Welcome to the forum!

[Ativan Prescribed]

This is a good place to just say it all if you want, all of the stuff you mentioned is very familiar to most of us.
Focusing on gender can be a double edged sword, but if you stay focused on the NB aspects, there is a world of things out there and here for you to draw from.
We have members from there, we have them from a lot of places other than the US, but most of us are from here, so excuse the lack of direct knowledge on the things that are different.
This isn't so much a chat room sort of place, although we did have one and I have no idea if it is still running or not.
But there is plenty of interaction with posts, most people it seems come on here at about the same time of day and catch up on them and post themselves.
So chat away, people might not appear to be here but they are, some are very silent but read the posts, occasionally adding or responding to them.
It is a older crowd of people, but younger are more than welcome, so again, excuse the age differences in not knowing the things that younger people know.
But age isn't a barrier here, most people are new to NB, some of us have been around forever it seems, even before the term NB caught on.
So there is a lot of information, dig around in old posts and topics, things are discussed and realizations of things progress, so not all of the older posts are relevant to a large extent.
There are no monitors here, there has never been a need, what you want to say and how you say it is up to you, it does get a little dicey at times, but in general, people understand there are limits to off colored things here.
With that in mind, there is no topics that can't be brought up, there is nothing limiting what you have to say and questions are totally the right thing to ask, to do.
Join in the ongoing discussions and posts, there are some topics that are pages and pages long of posts and have been running for a long time, some serious, some just for fun, but there is always the background of NB in all of it.
So Welcome to the forum, there are options like personal messages and a lot of people have used those since the beginning, you can make yourself invisible as to when you are on or not, that's fine, there are some who do this always.
Just dig around and see what there is to see that is an interest of yours, the backgrounds of the people here is pretty much all over the place and it isn't restricted to just NB here, but most everyone is.
It might take a while to get used to how it seems to run here, its wide open and that can make it seem like you aren't being heard or ignored, but that is never the case, people are very active in listening by reading everyone's posts here, you are being heard.
The more you interact with the members here, the ,ore they do that back it seems, so don't be afraid to post things and don't ever think you are being ignored, that just doesn't happen.
See you on the board...

[Becky]

Hi Jay! Welcome to the forum. Please make yourself at home. We're happy you're here.

[ceremony]

Oct 24, 2019 15:00:52 GMT 8 rainbowsheep03 said:

Hi everyone!

My name's Jay (Jessie in real life - but I've been calling myself Jay elsewhere because it's more gender-neutral and i like it...). I'm 16 years old and from Australia   I'm neurodiverse (Asperger's + ADD) and like to read and draw (or anything creative!) and blast rock/punk rock music! huh... where to start? Okay so I was assigned female at birth but realised that I am actually non-binary quite recently. I'm not really a girl or a guy inside - I just feel like I'm floating somewhere in between the two...The term "non-binary" just feels right and makes sense, for me.
.
.
.
.
...I guess every time I look in the mirror I get reminded full blast that I am physically a "girl". But that's NOT who I really am! So i feel like crying and 
.
.
.
I'm really lonely though at the moment, so I guess I've come on here to just be able to chat to others who I can relate to without having to freak about social skills and face to face interaction!
...

Hello Jay, nice to meet you too. Sorry I missed saying hello earlier. Yeah to rock/punk, and to recently knowing about being non-binary. Me too, though it took me too many decades. Well, we didn't have this language not too long ago, so it's not that I wasn't aware of being uncomfortable being a male. 

That sentence in the middle above is a very important part of my own journey. I too have been agitated and obsessed about whom I have NOT been in the past. That does settle down knowing I'm non-binary, it's that spectrum that allows me to be more at peace with why I've had a lifelong problem with my body. 

I believe understanding loneliness is common among many people. I hope you'll share what you want to when you fell like it. Best wishes.